First off let me say this looks like the best thread I've seen on this website so far. A methy shitpost pontificating about taking acid to cure an existential crisis brought Obbe out of the woodwork of course. It should have been obvious before as "open your mind" is the kind of name someone like Obbe would come up with and his constant posing of vague questions in lieu of anything learned. A good response from Captain falcon too, this is chock full of quality. I read this a few days ago but didn't have a chance to type a proper response.
Self reflection, self fulfillment and distraction.
I know we've had many clashes in the past but I want you to take this post as if it were written by someone else, because I'm not trying to insult or bully you. I think a lot of people on this site could benefit from someone telling them this, and it's best said by someone you respect, but nobody else is saying it so I have to, and I urge you to put aside your prior experiences with me to heed my words this once. I once struggled with the same issues and I found some degree of peace, so the least I can do is help pass it on to others who need it.
When people have existential crises, the reason is often not that they are some Nietzchean nihilistic genius thinker who has had an intellectual awakening, it is because they have gaping holes in their own personality and life that make them unhappy and incapable of not focusing on what comes at the end of the empty road they are walking. The real world, and your real life is to oempty and bleak for you to enjoy it rather than getting wrapped up in faux-intellectualism and depressing yourself to convince yourself that you've find some kind of an answer to your unhappiness in oblivion and futility. The answer is to not think about it, because it can't be helped. But that's easier said than done. The only way I know that truly works is to fill your life with things you love and the things that make you truly happy.
And that itself looks like a mountainous task when you look at it from afar. But the way to do it is to change yourself, your relationship with the world, with "things", they way you think about all the affairs that you consider important, your relationship with the idea of what makes you happy. You, specifically, have a very difficult time accepting and admitting your own limitations and failings, and the gaps in your personality. That in itself is the biggest personality defect one can have. Everything else can be fixed by following some self-help type of advice, but the one thing nobody can fix for you is to get rid of the ego and arrogance that holds you back from changing yourself. You can tell me to go fuck myself, or "cringe" and everything else you think makes you sound tough. Whatever. But if you've hit a point that you despise being at, then on your own, when and where nobody but yourself can ever hear, you've got to admit to yourself everything that is wrong with you and look at exactly how to fix that, and if it can't be fixed, then how to deal with it.
To address that last part, not everything can be fixed. Some aspects of our life are out of our control and some aspects of our personality are damn near hardwired into us. But you can surely learn to deal with it. Learn how to metacognate. Learn how to see those warning signs of self destructive and self sabotaging behaviours, and get the discipline necessary to reject your predispositions and first order desires before they turn into action.
Improve yourself and you'll know how much nicer it is to actually live in the real world than to worry about how one day you won't. And that's about all that we can ask for.
Good post, rather true and insightful. Reminds me of the great benefits I used to receive from meditation, "letting things go" and whatnot, really most of this post is rephrasing buddhist principles. I don't think the "ego and arrogance" bit is the reason for feeling so empty. At least not in the conventional "ego and arrogance" sense. I have a hunger in my stomach I always want to fill, I set goals for myself and after the elation of achievement wears off, I'm left feeling as empty as before. You're pretty off base about my character too but this is a mesage board, i.e. sub msn messanger human interaction. Self reflection/self knowledge are definitely key to getting over feeling broken. The problem is my "identity" is so convoluted (but still tangible in almost all facets) it feels like I'm going in 5 different directions at once and having success with each one, at the expense of my own experience.
I feel a lot better now, have been drinking less, took my girlfriend and her son out to where I used to live, saw the house I spent more of my childhood in. I was putting off going to see it for literally years since last time I went I got a rush of bad memories which I allowed to penetrate my psyche. I'm very proud of myself for how far I've come but I (guess my ego) still want so much more. Fuck, I do feel a lot better now, making memories helps enforce a positive natural identity instead of an environmentally assumed one. Not to say there isn't merit in both, just that balance is necessary to keep from straying too far.
Anyways, I'll write more later, thanks for the serious reply, I didn't expect you to take so much time to write that and it reminded me of things I put in the back of my mind too often.
