I did 4 minutes at a little comedy club nearby a year year or two ago, but it was a primarily black club, so wasn't really geared to them. Mostly I'm just hammering out a set bc I've always been an okay writer and actor, and it's one of the handful of things I think I'd be pretty good at. Not to mention that drug addicted, fucked up, angry, cynical , introspective introvert is totally my MO, along with like 90% of comics.
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I feel like being immortalized by a shitty megathread in a shitty little scumpond forum in the endless expanse of empty space and gossip columns and staged stepsibling porn that is the internet- is a fitting tribute to Mal.
Bukowski would've gotten along fine here, I think, Just started reading Ham on Rye. Chuck doesnt seem like a genius by any stretch of the imagination, but he had an uncanny ability to condense a fucktons of meaning into everyday, very utilitarian, terse diction.
I always got very pissed off that I spent a decade plus of scumfuckery with no art to show for it. I assumed living in cars and shooting dope and living with tweakers and whores, and then moving back home and eating acid and snorting fentanyl and planning to kill myself....somewhere along the way I'd manufacture some earthshaking, serious literary explosive. But all it does it makes you angry and mean and jaded. An animal doesn't have time for art.
I lel''d at a joke I kinda wrote in my head today.
"I always relished being the bad guy. Always exceptional, but not enough to excel, I always found it easier to do the things other people were too afraid to do. It cost you a lot of opportunities, but it afforded you a strange sort of respect. If you couldn't win them over with good looks or wit, or athleticism, or a cock big enough to scare off the most ambitious of whores...at least the fear was nice.
So I made it my business to take note of just about everything I was supposed to do, and make an honest effort of doing the very opposite."
School advisor: "....and if nothing else, you're going to want to just keep a couple thousand dollars in a high yield savings account, and just never touch it. Build credit early. Finish a degree in anything..."
Me: *sitting naked in a stolen Oldsmobile, covered in blood and broken glass, smoking bufo toad venom with a blowtorch* PLEASE CONTINUE, MR. SHEVLIN...
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Originally posted by Zanick
Genitals are normal. Brain is normal. All physiological features appear to be normal. Why did our old friend become convinced he was an irredeemable freak? Based on what his father shared in the police report, I really want to blame the people around him.
Fucking this.
I'm really tempted to compile every Malice post I can find, going back years....and mail it to his father.
He doesn't seem to have ever had so much as a conversation with the kid he produced.
"We had no idea where he was for 10 years". Did you file a missing person report? Did you bother looking?
Or was it just a relief to not have to deal with your weird, subnormal kid anymore? Guessing the latter. Had other kids anyway. Gotta hedge your bets. Justin certainly wasn't going to be changing any Depends.
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Originally posted by Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country
It actually makes sense because he basically is just a non-violent mentally ill rich kid, and law enforcement aren't in the business of punishing despicable faggots for being stupid and insane.
Also no prosecutor would want such a case, as it would look bad on a CV.
Anglin goes into how kikely and anti-white the Chicago prosecutors office are on the DS today, but I don't really buy that they care enough about this demented little jedi enough to bother protecting him.
They routinely drag non violent people through court. It's pretty obvious that the Obamas- or someone influential- intervened in his behalf.
The thing that gets me is that this was essentially an anti white propaganda campaign. And he's completely off the hook. If a white b-celeb had orchestrated a "robbery" by white dudes in goodies and black face, I can't imagine a world in which the dude wouldn't be completely crucified legally.
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Originally posted by gadzooks
Shit, ok, kinda neat coincidence here that this thread was created today because I have an issue facing me tonight… When homeboy gets back with the butane, we gonna start smoking bowls again (meth).
Now, this guy is my official bowl lighter (his technique is masterful and ridiculously effective). But, I can't stand the taste that hits once that huge cloud is in my lungs.
Like, I'm gagging in anticipation.
Any suggestions?
I did end up paying like 80% towards it, I might just be like "yo I just need to take this some other way. The taste is overwhelming."
I dunno.
I wanna suggest adding a teensy bit of sugar maybe? If I even have any. He's a total purist tho and he'll prolly be like "dafuq?"
Damn. I like the big clouds but I have a weak ass gag reflex. Like, I'd give the absolute worst head ever.
Sugar? No. That'll taste way worse.
Take smaller hits. Don't use a torch lighter. All you have to do is just twist the pipe with your fingers every couple of seconds.
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Originally posted by MOON PERSON T-PAIN masturbated in your Croutons and MORALLY SUPERIOR BEINGS for natural male enhancement
all I got was clonidine, gabapentin and geodon (lol)
If that stupid fucker would've not bought his degree on the internet he would've known that alcohol withdrawal causes hallucinations and psychotic behavior
Geodon sounds like a Pokémon.
GEODON USE GRAVEL RAPE
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Turtles are fucking gross. Anyone who owned a turtle would know this. My retarded tweaker neighbor has like 4. 2 of them are named "cattywhompass" and "Mr. Cheeks".
They smell fucking awful. They live in scum. They breed bacteria.
And when your fucking retarded neighbor uses their tank water to water his tomatoes bc "its fertilizer pretty much", and brings you a basket to your doorstep, it makes you deathly ill.
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Originally posted by Octavian
We get grams for £10 here and that's more than enough to cabbage me for the day. It takes at least 2-3 days for me to feel clear headed again which puts me off smoking it.
That's exactly why I didn't like smoking anymore. But the CBD stuff actually seems to do the opposite. I get MORE focused and creative. No fog. Highly recommend this shit.
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Originally posted by mmQ
Can u listen to this song and not find yourself singing to it?
Even if you sont know the lyrics just kinda singing to it anyway and making them up. Layne Stayley has that voice.
I should vocaroo the recording of me singing that, drunk in high school. Think it's on a CD-R in my drug closet. Not near as good as layne, but I always had a pretty okay voice. And as soon as my voice cracked, I sounded like a middle aged man.
One of my customers was a dead ringer for layne. Works in a tire shop. Like if you put him in some baggy clothes and dark wraparound shades, put him on a stool on the street in Hollywood somewhere with a backing guitar guy, people would be freaked out.
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Anyway someone was asking about the standup stuff. I had a few things written for my Tinder profiles, since the only time ive created a profile, its been to be as stupid as possible.
First and formost- I respect the fuck out of bitches. My grandma always said its better to give than receive (which sounds like some BS to me), so since i like gettin my knob gobbled, i will wear your thighs like a set of knockoff Beats by Dre, and go to town on that snatch like the last half melted pint of Ben and Jerrys on Doomsday.
I am very tall and when i get nervous, i sweat profusely. So when you pick me up, its nbd but you should probably put a towel down on the passengers seat. Take it as a compliment bc if im not glistening and breathing heavily from my mouth, I most likely do not find you sexually desireable, and will hitchhike home as soon as you pay the bill at wherever we happen to be dining.
I dont have any gym pics bc the last time i was in the gym, the flip phones only had like .5 megapixels, and you couldnt really peep my bulge or muscle definition. Lately the healthiest thing i did was switch to light cigarettes. Dr. Oz scared the fuck outta me the other day, talkin some bullshit so I had grandma swoop me up a Wendy's salad. It was alright i guess but honestly I think I might have an allergy to lettuce or etamommy cuz that stuff gave me hella gas pains.
Also- I hope to find a mate that shares my entrepreneurial spirits. My uncle basically got me in on the ground floor of his company that distributes health supplements and motivational posters to increase motivation in addition to vitality/connecticut energy. And if for some reason you want a life of luxury and prosperity- for every person you sign up, you get a $20 Subway card and $15% off your next order. Personally im only a Silver Level associate right now, and with my investments, liquid assets are pretty slim but if you could float me like $1200, I can pay you back plus interest once my disability check and frivolous lawsuit comes to fruitation.
My guiding philosophy is pretty much:
1. Fight Club 2.Dont cry 3.Self improvement 4.Vengeance and/or Justice 5.Chemtrails (?) 6.2nd Commandment activism 7.Samosa- aka Reincarnation 8.Real Titties and/or Tastefully Done Fakies im not a hater 9. NO REGERTS 10.Poverty 11.The laughter of children 12.Ayahuasca/ Ego Death 13.Stretch Waistbands 14.Spoken Word Poetry 15.Honesty 16. Stop Snitchin' 17. Batman But In Real Life 18. Commercials Wit Smelly Lookin cats n Dogs 19.Living in an RV for Spiritual Reasons: Not Only to Smoke Meth 20.Being the Life of the Party at High School Parties in Your Late 20's
Etc.
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I get laid so Infrequently that my vital juices have diverted all power to brain function. Like an overclocked CPU, my brain/dick matrix is running at an optimal 18.3GHz.
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Not getting jumped/ shot first during an altercation.
Cannot count the number of times I'd be at a party and something would happen between one of the girls I was with and someone else, and I'd step in and try to be cool dad and tell everyone to stfu youre killing my vibe and then all of a sudden someone is trying to hit me with a shovel.
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Originally posted by Jiggaboo_Johnson
Can go for a night out without a single dollar on your person and return home drunk with a full belly and a selection of eager lovers to choose from.
Came to say this. Lol.
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