Originally posted by Dregs
ok i will TRY to be on topic in this thread from now on. i can't make promises though fucking mexicans get in a certain mood and its hard to claw my way out of it
because i'm weak…part of me just doesn't care to be sober anymore. procrastinating..a sprinkle of boredom. kinda hate life. on a positive note i tend to be more creative and i communicate better with others when i drink. i hate chit chat sober…i remain silent most of time sober. i hate people…everything really sober…especially your thread. no hate just sayin
although i tend to ramble like this a lot drinking…hmm
With as much as you talk about cramming things in your shitpussy, i was sure you were a tweaker?
In any case, whats the end game?;Just live the way youre living, until you die? Get drunk until you win the lottery?
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In other news i just spent 3 hours in a youtube relaxation music livechat wherein i claimed to be a wealthy illuminati rosthschild defense contractor and traded insults with a shirtless vegan window washer who just kept screaming FLAT EARTH SHILLS. YOURE A FUCKING SHILL. I HAD DIABETES BUT VEGETABLES MADE ME STRONG.
Then i met Nadia, and we bonded over our love of baiting retarded schizophrenics online, and soon we had an internet marriage and became flat earth shills ourselves, screaming FUCK COPERNICUS while i battled indian teenagers wanting to remove her brootiful bobs. Our daughter is named Pangea Twodee Casper310 and shes the reason i get up in the morning.
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Better than being drunk and unemployed. At some point after 23 or 24 being drunk just started amplifying my depressed feelings. So id just start think8ng about what a drunken loser i was. i feel like i can still drink but. I mean if i can be trusted to keep 1300mg of methadone around and not take any extra, i feel like i could probably get drunk once a year. but idk...not in a hurry to test my hypothesis.
I felt decent today. Went i towork early. Sometimes i get these weird glimpses of me in the future being normal and successful and happy, which is always nice. I could never imagine myself before with a 9-5 jobs, a wife, being happy with anything. But if i could land a 60 or 70k a year job that didnt make me want to kill myself, a comfortable apartment, a car ilike, a girlfriend who i dont hate....i could see myself being happy and normal. God knows im a long way off from whatever, but its nice to see that im able to deal with life stuff as it comes. I got a car. im paying my insurance time. Ive got good credit. Im getting my health taken care of. Im at work every day. Ive paid off my debts. i actually pay rent and utilities. I guess i always imagined id have to be able to rob people or sell drugs tomake ends meet, but i can survive and not have to fuck people over. It seems obvious but i really could never see any kind of future for myself even as a kid.
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Found a burned CD in a cd case from high school. Got a weird awkward aggressive hj from a girl in my friends garage to the first song while we smoked a black and mild packed with shitty weed. The title of the CD? โCaspers LoveMixxxโ. Clearly i was super clever and i thought there was going to be some romance going on which required Ludacris. rofl. my mixes were all over the fucking place. only on my Cd could you get aerosmith, ludacris, kottonmouth kingz, korn, al green, cypress hill and UGK back to back with a comedy song about being gay.
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Originally posted by Fox
Does your state require licensure?
It does. I spoke to a guy who runs his own firm the other day, and he seemed open to taking on someone without LE experience.
Its just one of the few things thats come to mind in the last that i know for sure id be good at. Knowing when people are lying, finding small details and being a snoop are all my strong skills. And being a total scumbag. lol. I can pretty much be whoever. 6000 hours and a test. Seems doable.
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Originally posted by Fox
Man I kind of enjoyed him as a miserable sap. It was somehow more endearing than this born again pleasantness bullshit
its not born again anything. And far from pleasant. But going through an entire life miserable and fucked up and useless, and getting the stink of your unhappiness all over everyone youcome in contact with....is lame and fucking gay. Theres nothing romantic or beautiful or amdirable about being a weepy, numb fucked up wreck of a human being.
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I just want people to believe that theres another option,So im the guinea pig. I spent 13 years believing i was just broken, or maybe i was the only sane one in a fucked up irrational world, and that everything i did was a justified reasonable response. And i felt like if i just did what i was doing long enough, life and fate would mold itself to me eventually. That even though inwas doing awful, meanspirited, violent shit- i was a good person at heart, and would continue to be that, bc thats just WHO i was. None of thats true. If you act like an asshole for long enough, you become an asshole.Abyss stares into you etc etc but with buttholes.
idk. i got sick of it. Im sick of guilt and shame and hurt8ng people. Sick of having to be someone else to get by. Sick of getting arrested. Sick of court. Sick of hav8ng to manage all my different lies to make sure they dont contradict. having to strap a bottle of pee to my taint and remember to toss it in the microwave for 10 sec before i leave BUT NOT 15 SECONDS OR ITLL BE TOO HOT AND THEYLL KNOW. Being unhappy is a crushing fucking weight. If you can harness even a little bit of that energy and do something not shit with it then why not?
tl;dr- im far from happy. i just dont want to paint the wall with my grey matter anymore. Things still suck but not quite as much. I wish i wouldve found someone to walk me throuh all this years ago.
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