It's crazy to think that people develop entire languages with grammar rules and past tenses and masculine feminine, for the sake of a book, that's dedication.
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I know enough Spanish to negotiate a drug deal or buy a whore, but that's about it. But people say I can mimic accents and stuff almost perfectly after hearing the word a time or two,
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The mushrooms are seriously working overtime. Feel all normal and well adjusted. Cooked a healthy dinner and then cleaned the entire kitchen, did a bunch of laundry, went out and bought pumpkins to carve and gave my lyft driver a talk about why even "non drug people" should try them at least a couple times in their lives because i used to have very negative associations with black people because of going to all black schools as a kid and being stabbed, burned, hit, etc. But then you realize that maybe they had negative experiences with people that look like me, and as long as I choose to judge people individually, i can choose to not be a part of that cycle. And that there will still be biases, but patterns of thought are like water. And over time, that water flows through the path of least resistance....your biases, assumptions. And over time that water can cut channels like the grand canyon. Until its almost inconceivable for you to think or feel differently- Which is really fucking unhealthy. And certain plants or psychoactives are like filler or spackle, and your able to step back for perspective, you smooth over those channels, fill in those cracks. So its just a flat plane, and the water doesnt just drain off naturally.
Anyway- yeah. I feel better. lol.
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Originally posted by Jackrabbitfyi
You are a deep thinker huh? Mr. Casper?
Nah I shoot dope and then a girl makes me sad and I write 10th grade level angry poetry. I used to be smart, but I like to think I've legitimized myself pretty well.
144 IQ reporting in.
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I feed my wimmens continually to ensure proper butt to titty ratios. When a girl whos already way too skinny tells me they're dieting, I become very annoyed.
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you can still do well. But if you spend your whole life trying to belittle people who you deign beneath you, and treating everything like a joke and using antagonism as a defense mechanism, you'll die old and alone. Stop playing a character. Figure out who you actually are.
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Good god I want to get high. Every time this year. The air starts to chill and the smell of swirling dead leaves and loamy dirt. And I remember sitting on corners sweating through 4 layers of clothing, freezing, shaking, dry heaving and vomiting as discretely as possible at the bus stop in front of the drug store. With your joints all aching and spine feeling like it's been woven through a wheel. You'd think that would make you not want to get high, to go back to that. But that cold air and the smell of leaves is also a crackling bonfire and a cigarette in the night air, and laughter. Cheap domestic beer, and pilfered whiskey from an empty water bottle. The flickering on the faces of good friends who don't exist anymore. And a shy girl who they always teased because her tits were too small, and her ass wasn't big enough....leaning in awkwardly to kiss you on a fire escape. And there was not knowing and uncertainty and that was invigorating. And between then and now feels like an ancient ocean. And I used to love and laugh and fight and felt vibrant and electric and full of words. And now I just feel all scooped out inside, with a big plastic smile carved into my face,appropriately approximating something more human than a gourd. Fuck.
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But the mushrooms almost made it really hard. everything was really beautiful, but i just wanted to connect with someone really bad. I felt compelled to walk around and check on the people who'd obviously had too much to drink. A girl who was probably only 13 or 14 was crying and i asked her what was wrong and she said she couldnt breathe. I asked im she had athsma or anything and she said no. I told her i could walk her to the emt tent because those guys are really nice and thats all theyre there for. But she said no its ok. and then i felt kinda creepy. Then i asked if she wanted me to to go get one of them and bring them back to her and she said okay. Just spent the entire night trying to find people to glom onto, but glomming happens easily in your teens and 20's....glomming not so much at 30. But be something to do with the chemical bonds, etc. But then you have to remember that youre a 6'7" 350lb bearded man, and many people will be afraid of you. Then you have to remember to give the girls enough space so they dont feel weirded out. Stuff. But was kewl. Except so bass heavy that you couldnt even tell what the song was for a bit, esp in some of their more layered songs. And a bunch of new shit id clearly never listened to once. Was hoping to just shake Damons hand and say thanks, but at the end of the night i figured if he was half as exhausted as i was, just let the man get some rest.
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Fucking hell. I think I strongly underestimated how high I'd be tonight
Originally posted by RestStop
Funny how life works. People will confirm your friend request after you've called them bitch, whore, called their child a bastard and blocked their messages on fb messenger. Totally out of the ordinary for me but I had to do it out of self respect.
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3g of mushrooms, 7mg lorazepam, 4 beers, 150mh methadone ed. Other stuff. Good weed. The sun is going down but the warmth is still coming up out of the cracks in the concrete like the gentle heat under a crush's flannel shirt
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I also encouraged her to find a zoo to work at where she could take care of injured animals, and then coax one of the chimpanzees into ripping her face off and beating her skull in with a rock. A painless, dreamless, sleep.
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With the amount of shit you have going on, I'd probably feel the same way. Idk. I always got the sense you were a decent person, with some issues and circumstances that caused the detour in your life. I feel like I should say something persuasive or uplifting, but I've come to believe everyone has the right to check out when they cant deal anymore. But it's important to know when it's the right time too. 1) if you want to maximize haunting potential, should wait till Halloween. 2) I'll make you the same offer I made Malice. If you dont want to be alone when you do it that is. Idk. Is that callous shit to say? Idk. Anyway....you have my number.
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Originally posted by ohfralala
Oh yeah well I wouldn’t wanna go by myself either. Do they even have new music? I haven’t heard anything new in a while. Actually I’m gonna go listen to them now.
Yeah since Demon Dayz there was Plastic Beach, Humanz, The Now Now and a couple others I think. Idk if id even know half their new stuff, although I have found some new songs i kinda like.
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Buddhism says life is learning to reconcile pain. Addiction has been an excellent teacher. I was always ahead of my classes, and tall and strong, at least okay looking. When you lose all the things that made you who you were, who you you become then? Since the physical body is the same, are you always that person somewhere? Or is it possible to kill that former self and become something else entirely?
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Originally posted by ohfralala
I’m not trying to be retarded but this shit made me cry.
If you ever decide to make handwritten copies, bind them in leather and I’ll buy it from you.
Originally posted by Sudo
Yeah this hit me pretty good
You obviously have a knack for articulating a universal sadness. Please stay with it
Thank ye. Like I said it was better before I pumped a bunch of toxic shit into my lungs and veins and turned my brain into pudding. It was certainly more articulate and vivid. But I'm glad it translates over for some people. I probably need to be on some kind of meds. I remember vivid video clips of my life and just replay them over and over again. Or in the case of relationships, I fast forward in my head to 6 years down the line where we're in the kitchen and she's throwing plates at me and we're screaming at each other.
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