It was the autism tbh, in hs I didn't use hair conditioner for a year and never straightened my hair. I knew people at formals had to do their hair and makeup and stuff and I had no idea how bcus where was my mum? I still rarely straighten my hair. I've realised now it looks better straightened but I don't want heat to ruin it.
I don't remember any graduation. There was one where I just had to collect some diploma for playing violin in a concert. The other awards ceremony I didn't show up.
We didn't even have yearbook pictures. Ok we did but it was as a class. I didn't go to the formal even though a guy asked me. Know why? Bcus I didn't know how to make up and thought I couldn't look pretty. Sometimes I still think of that lime green ballgown even though green doesn't suit my skintone. But no biggy that guy turned out to be rapey and gave me PTSD a few years later. He didn't actually rape me but I was still traumatised.
2023-04-15 at 11:17 PM UTC
in
Wild/cringe theories
No questions are dumb. What are your secret thoughts about life/everything? Think of it as a brainstorm.
Idk if I'm just drunk, bcus it's really fucking rare I see someone I wanna fuck.
My hearing is acc going bcus I've drank too much but dc it will be back in a week. but music sighs
One of her avatars, was holding all these puppies nd a sign above her saying "into the oven you go". People say you can't imagine BPD relationships until you've been in one but I think she was the worst one. Her dog also attacked me irl. She'd drag it by its legs bcus it didn't love her. Am I going to hell for not informing anyone she's hurting that dog?
Crycry bcus I got to level 4 German but never bothered to do the reading lessons so I can't write in it. Nd idk bcus I really am gonna block all memory of Sophie. Maybe in five years I'll come back and read his posts to learn things, but for now he's going to the void.
Every time I look on FB it's my fucking ex's story with the dog she abuses. I unfollowed her why am I still seeing that suffering dog every time. She fucking throws dogs out windows.
Idk if I've been in this place too long. I mean I'm not valued here and a year is long enough. I don't want to leave but ik I'm not growing here. I don't think I've ever felt like me. I'll stay because there's a trainwreck inside me but I needa find a new bestie/normality fast. It creeps me out sometimes how far from normal it is here, there's people I get along with better than in this place and I can still hear their voices in my head.
Just thinking about how I left Mik. It was me who ended it and we were good together for four years. But I do this with every bestie I've had. I'm not sure why. Rn I feel it's good to be away from him so we can both evolve, to meet new people and grow, our conversation history was becoming an echo chamber with no outside interference. I need to grow. But I also need people from my past in my life to remind me of who I am. I just feel so sorry because I hurt everyone. He wasn't ready for it to end. So even though I'm completely isolated with no friends I still think it's good to be away from him, he needs a chance to grow as well.
