Originally posted by Kafka
Idk what girls see in me tbh I feel like I’m empty
we all are, most people just don't like to think about it so they fill the hole with shitty pop culture references and 'I stand with Ukraine' or whatever the current thing is
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I'm eating steak and squash on naan bread and watching attack on titan because aldra told me to and he was right, it's dope and I don't really like animes besides the boondox
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I am tired of the people in my life everybody from my friends to my enemies they're all blending together and I stare at the wall all day long until I start to see shapes and sizes and colors trip out basically I've recently quit drugs which has in turn actually made my life worse as I now suffer from crippling depression I live with a roommate a family member I feel as though it will be better not to show emotion around anyone I have cut all of my medication from depression to bipolar to anxiety I have stopped going to my therapist counselor and psychiatrist I try to shove all bit of emotion down i have no job and can't get one I am stuck with what feels like a war inside my head one part of me feels like hating everything and everyone and the other part feels like going in a corner and crying it is also not helping as each day I feel disconnected and dissociated from everyone even myself
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Originally posted by Kafka
I’ve seen some things on Fetlife, like knifeplay, people being cut with razor blades and hit with hammers to cause bruising. What I don’t get is how is that not self harm? Like yeah you get someone else to do it to you but it’s still self harm?
I don't understand how people associate it with sex
last time I went hard on benzos and opiates I tried to see how much blood I could collect before I saw the edge coming at me, and that was a fucking disaster
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I dreamt I was in Saudi arabia, apparently in some kind of amphitheater where a group of inmates, most of which I knew came out and requested people they don't like come forward, spearheaded by someone I know who has been incarcerated for a while. Just a ton of high profile inmates, mostly ones involved in an attack on another inmate. I made eye contact with the leader but didn't know how to help them, I was next to some native Saudis and we started to pray, they were critical of my technique and it made me angry.
There's a scene missing in my memory,then I'm in a big harem looking room with a stripper I haven't seen for a decade but apparently didn't age. She's lying down and naked and we came up with some sort of plan. She asks me for coke and I tell her I dont have any as I just got off a plane to Saudi fucking Arabia. She is disappointed and implies she doesn't believe me and our plan is abandoned (I think it had to do with kidnapping). Other things are kinda fuzzy
So what the fuck? Is it a dichotomy between my worlds?
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