I can’t sleep because I’m hallucinating sounds.
If you’ve ever seen Shaun of The Dead where he goes into the corner door, slips on blood, ignores the bloody handprint on the fridge, that’s me.
I’ve realised I won’t react appropriately in terrorism situations because I brush it off as normal. Like the bomb going off in Paris I thought it must be normal there and I didn’t want to draw attention to myself by overreacting. People were screaming. I’ll see messed up things and think it must be okay or some reason for it, that there’s order.
Yday there was some thing a lady pretending to be a doll, and she kept making direct eye contact with me with those glassy doll eyes and it just struck me because there was no connection from either of us, I also have a dead stare. It might haunt me.
If I have alters then I feel like I’ve switched, or else I’ve gone into this mode because I’m mildly overwhelmed.
Using my £200 skin serum as hair oil. It’s great but I can’t sleep with sticky stuff on my face and it doesn’t let my makeup blend.
I never realised how cynical I am, never saw it as a bad thing because my family think it’s funny and it doesn’t feel like a dark mood, but too many thoughts like this can’t be good.
Like I’m falling into a void, first brain fog now the bar in my arm making me mellow. I just tried thinking of things that make me angry and I still think some people should be killed but there wasn’t a lot of anger behind it.
