I feel absolutely dead inside but the doctor is calling me tomorrow and at least I know what's been wrong w me all this time it's just catatonia.
I'm on someone's livestream and can't escape.
Starving and zoned out. Idk why everyone's looking at me when I'm dressed normally. Maybe because I seem zoned out.
I wish I'd been homeschooled but not by my mum.
Now I'm wondering if I really have chronic fatigue or if it's just catatonia
I feel so far removed from the person I'm watching. I'm starting to wonder if that's the main me and I'm just an alt.
I'm tryna make video diaries every day now and am alarmed at how catatonic I seem and there are other signs of stress. Idk how long I've been like this and what it means if I've been this way for a long time, when was the last time I was okay? Idek what I'm stressed about.
I'm either gonna go w blue or gold, bcus sometimes my eyes are bright amber and I like them then.
Thinking of wearing coloured contacts from now on. My dad had black hair and grey hazel eyes. My natural hair colour is brown but everyone says I suit black hair better, so maybe I'll suit blue eyes as well.
2023-04-19 at 10:32 PM UTC
in
Kafka MURDERED Sophie
I hear pigeons every day now. They're the same ones and idk if they were always there or not. Was I always hearing them and just not noticing? It's haunting me. I can't block it out anymore.
2023-04-19 at 10:22 PM UTC
in
Kafka MURDERED Sophie
Idk why I crack up when I see the running pigeons
I didn't phone the doctor because I thought I could manage, but I will tomorrow. Today I was catatonic, rn I'm a bit more alive because I always am at night. I'm drinking because I need to sleep soon.
2023-04-19 at 9:52 PM UTC
in
Going to Ohio in May
Can you drive cars there if the steering wheel is on the other side of the car?
2023-04-19 at 5:53 PM UTC
in
Getting my affairs in order
I'm only going to cry on his shoulder and take part in the protests.
2023-04-19 at 5:36 PM UTC
in
Getting my affairs in order
I'm planning to go to Poland soon.