Idk what to do rn I'm at my desk but my brain isn't awake enough to do coding or chemistry.
I think the main thing bothering me was if someone could still love me if they knew. I think the answer is yes, that a few people could understand. Maybe that's why I feel okay.
I did something horrible and illegal last night and today am freaking out because I can't believe I did it and why I'm so okay with it. I think the dream I had last night helped me justify it. This is proof my shadow self is free.
The usuals smartdrugs, research chemicals, cigarettes, monster, catfood, O'Reilly Learning subscription, cola lipbalm.
Welp. If my subconscious likes him ig I don't have to think it through. It's what picks up on all the flags.
It was that I had got lost in London so had to stay at the first hotel I found which looked very outdated and boring. My coke dealer showed up, we went out to the the garden, idk how to describe it, lot of grey statues. I cr what we talked about. The sky was night but there were purple clouds. Then we started kissing.
I feel weird now because he's black.
I just realised that because I haven't really gamed in years there's probably new Innocent Grey releases.
Ig I want to feel the same without food that I do with food, to have that control.
I've gone two days this week without eating anything and it doesn't feel hard tbh. I can't tell yet if I feel better because of it.
It's weird when plans aren't concrete like I can't despair normally when I don't know what's going to happen next week. I have stuff booked for London, Netherlands and at home and don't know what I'll choose or what other options will appear.
My horoscope said I'd have a lot of energy today that could either go on angst or work and I really felt like I could choose heaven over a hell for a moment. A few words can change your mood.
Because of a recent law change I now have the option to ruin my mum's life, she'd get a prison life sentence. Idk if I should. I know my dad would say not to but he didn't really see the demon she was. I've lived long enough now that I'm sure she has no right to be in my life and never did. She shouldn't be around children and I think I just want people to know the truth, otherwise they'll believe lies.
2024-02-14 at 3:36 PM UTC
in
Cheap Flights
I think I'm gonna do what crazy people do and just go for one night. I don't feel vacation ready, would have to book a lot of beauty appointments.
2024-02-14 at 3:33 PM UTC
in
Cheap Flights
I checked and flights are £80 for round trip next week.
