the convos w this girl are slow-paced but good quality. i feel like we're feeding off each other's feminine rage and have stuff in common.
Can I do another hour but going to bed is failure
I don't breath for long times idk why always holding my breath. Ig I just noticed now. That's why it feels like running.
Tipsy. At that point where I need to assess how I feel because I don't know if I'm pushing myself. I feel compelled to study more, it's stimulating watching the videos but maybe I should slow down. I have a habit of not noticing when my heart needs a rest and it does feel like running.
It's tough because I had some great fashion phases. I think I'm ready to let go of the vintage Japanese dresses though and wearing a lot of mint green/white/grey/black/blue.
I feel like my core identity has been set now and it's sort of gothic, but I'll always have a sunnier side because I'm influenced by my dad as well. Then sometimes I feel like I'm channeling Spock.
Li is having an age regression trauma phase and so is my ex gf so I wonder if I'd be doing that too if I'd stayed in touch with them.
Just thinking that since Li is sort of back in my life after years who would I be now if I'd stayed with my old friends instead of hanging out here? I think this place has dulled me because everyone is old. I've noticed I stopped using certain slang I knew no one would understand.
Deadman Wonderland has always stuck with me when I need motivation.
It causes some women to faint a lot so thankfully I'm not that crippled. I can sit at a desk for four hours tops but because I keep shifting the way I sit it means I have to lay down soon. I'd have to move slowly if I were going to sit up straight to stop it happening but don't do that.
I have that weird fatigue syndrome which affects women more strangely, the fatigue depends on my posture, whenever I stand up or sit up straight I get a hit of fatigue so I have more energy laying down. Sighs.
Anyway I'm not going to go through with this, another solution came to light.
Ig I have like the opposite of mansplaining.
I'd probably have no moral compass without him tbh. I always know what he would do.
I'm having a dip in energy but want to get six hours done to reach my target and just function like a normal person.
I feel better today because the microneedling results are starting to show. It will take 6 weeks for all the collagen to be produced and this is only the second week and I'm happy. I'm focused on studying despite not having any stimulants atm.
Just because I can crush you now doesn't mean I should, not when I can make it a lot worse.
