2019-09-24 at 6:32 PM UTC
I can tell my bed all of my problems.
I can UNLOAD myself unto it and it doesnt make a peep.
It supports me through the good and the bed, bad I mean.
It is soft and there is a dead gremlin inside of my mattress that keeps the ghosts away however that works.
2019-09-24 at 6:33 PM UTC
tee hee hee
Naturally Camouflaged
[slangily complete this slumberer]
Sometimes i make my bed while im still in it and then slip out of it all clandestinely.
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post didn't die in a fire!
2019-09-24 at 6:34 PM UTC
When you dry hump it, it won't call the police
2019-09-24 at 6:44 PM UTC
Originally posted by 8stringflinG
This is going to be the basis of my next book, beds that report back to the police and your mom if you masturbate or sleep in.
What if your whole childhood your mom secretly had a masturbation counter chip thing installed in your mattress and she knows the exact number of times you jacked off and brings the number up all the time when shes out with her girlfriends and they all think it's funny because they know it's just a teenage boy that happened to jack of over 5,000 times in a 5 year span and then anytime you ever met those people they knew and you didnt and secretly one of mom's friends was a hebephile and wanted to fuck you the whole time but you never knew it and she still does but but but
The following users say it would be alright if the author of this
post didn't die in a fire!
2019-09-24 at 6:49 PM UTC
For those who are slow at math that equals 2.739 masturbations per day for 5 years straight.
2019-09-24 at 7:26 PM UTC
Ordered 50g of phenibut with noopept and a choline supplement
It's pretty cool that my parents have decided that I never have to work, and to support me financially instead for no reason, for any job I get 100% of the income gets allocated towards shipments of mouth-watering fake drugs
I do plan on having a full time job by 25 though because I assume if I dont I'm never going to have sex again
2019-09-24 at 7:28 PM UTC
Living like a rich person/QUEEN 😍 when I'm only middle class
2019-09-24 at 7:37 PM UTC
Imagine doing a ton of acid and still not finding God because he rejects you
2019-09-24 at 9:30 PM UTC
I took 96 diarrhea pills and hope i dont die, they cause cardiac arrest
