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The R'tarded thread: The Shitfucking Edidtion 💩🖕

  1. 8stringflinG African Astronaut
    Originally posted by mmQ My bed makes ME

    Your bed makes you what?
  2. mmQ Lisa Turtle
    Originally posted by 8stringflinG Your bed makes you what?

    Happy 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍
  3. mmQ Lisa Turtle
    I can tell my bed all of my problems.

    I can UNLOAD myself unto it and it doesnt make a peep.

    It supports me through the good and the bed, bad I mean.

    It is soft and there is a dead gremlin inside of my mattress that keeps the ghosts away however that works.
  4. tee hee hee Naturally Camouflaged [slangily complete this slumberer]
    Sometimes i make my bed while im still in it and then slip out of it all clandestinely.
    The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
  5. 8stringflinG African Astronaut
    When you dry hump it, it won't call the police
  6. mmQ Lisa Turtle
    Originally posted by tee hee hee Sometimes i make my bed while im still in it and then slip out of it all clandestinely.

    This definitely reminds me of something Peter Griffin might do
  7. mmQ Lisa Turtle
    Originally posted by 8stringflinG When you dry hump it, it won't call the police

    You would hope not.
  8. 8stringflinG African Astronaut
    Originally posted by mmQ You would hope not.

    This is going to be the basis of my next book, beds that report back to the police and your mom if you masturbate or sleep in.
  9. mmQ Lisa Turtle
    Originally posted by 8stringflinG This is going to be the basis of my next book, beds that report back to the police and your mom if you masturbate or sleep in.

    What if your whole childhood your mom secretly had a masturbation counter chip thing installed in your mattress and she knows the exact number of times you jacked off and brings the number up all the time when shes out with her girlfriends and they all think it's funny because they know it's just a teenage boy that happened to jack of over 5,000 times in a 5 year span and then anytime you ever met those people they knew and you didnt and secretly one of mom's friends was a hebephile and wanted to fuck you the whole time but you never knew it and she still does but but but
    The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
  10. 8stringflinG African Astronaut
    Originally posted by mmQ What if your whole childhood your mom secretly had a masturbation counter chip thing installed in your mattress and she knows the exact number of times you jacked off and brings the number up all the time when shes out with her girlfriends and they all think it's funny because they know it's just a teenage boy that happened to jack of over 5,000 times in a 5 year span and then anytime you ever met those people they knew and you didnt and secretly one of mom's friends was a hebephile and wanted to fuck you the whole time but you never knew it and she still does but but but

    :(
  11. mmQ Lisa Turtle
    For those who are slow at math that equals 2.739 masturbations per day for 5 years straight.
  12. Ordered 50g of phenibut with noopept and a choline supplement

    It's pretty cool that my parents have decided that I never have to work, and to support me financially instead for no reason, for any job I get 100% of the income gets allocated towards shipments of mouth-watering fake drugs

    I do plan on having a full time job by 25 though because I assume if I dont I'm never going to have sex again
  13. Living like a rich person/QUEEN 😍 when I'm only middle class
  14. 8stringflinG African Astronaut
    Originally posted by frumbob 🐎🦄🐈🐯🐷🦊 Ordered 50g of phenibut with noopept and a choline supplement

    It's pretty cool that my parents have decided that I never have to work, and to support me financially instead for no reason, for any job I get 100% of the income gets allocated towards shipments of mouth-watering fake drugs

    I do plan on having a full time job by 25 though because I assume if I dont I'm never going to have sex again

    Gross
  15. Imagine doing a ton of acid and still not finding God because he rejects you
  16. mmQ Lisa Turtle
    Originally posted by frumbob 🐎🦄🐈🐯🐷🦊 Imagine doing a ton of acid and still not finding God because he rejects you

    You have to find God in order to be rejected by God.

    -God
  17. Originally posted by mmQ Reminds me of when I took prozac like 6 years ago now and I just started waking up early and making my bed and doing kind acts for strangers early in the day. I asked myself the same thing .

    I'm seriously thinking of trying fucking SSRIs again because it's been so long and the people who they do work for seem to report a lot more long term benefit than shit like benzos. I have to do something to manage my anxiety.
  18. mmQ Lisa Turtle
    Originally posted by Solstice I'm seriously thinking of trying fucking SSRIs again because it's been so long and the people who they do work for seem to report a lot more long term benefit than shit like benzos. I have to do something to manage my anxiety.

    Me too.
  19. I took 96 diarrhea pills and hope i dont die, they cause cardiac arrest
  20. 8stringflinG African Astronaut
    Originally posted by DietPiano I took 96 diarrhea pills and hope i dont die, they cause cardiac arrest

    Come the fuck on nigga at least get some Crouton or T-PAIN or some shit.

    I hope you get a fecal impaction.

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