Originally posted by Malice
You really seem to be reading far too much into this and are showing clear signs of paranoia.
You have to keep in mind that there's asymmetrical information. She doesn't know all the things about you that you do. If she knew everything you listed about yourself, yeah, there's a pretty high chance she would lose interest.
Why would a girl like her develop an interest in you? You have redeeming qualities and may be too hard on yourself due to depression and other issues. Unless you've been lying all this time, you've at least managed to have a high amount of income coming in, even if you blew it all and have nothing to show for it, and have done some interesting things. Why does love occur? Sometimes it just arises between people due to neurological cascades that are triggered. Maybe you helping her get off helped spark this, seeing you as a caring savior, having desired someone to take her away from her ex. Think about it, due to the issues heroin causes, the dynamics involved in partnerships, it's very possible she was only staying with him out of necessity. You know about her habit and are perfectly okay with it, are able to relate to the issue, offer salvation, and can tolerate a secret that would be a major taboo for the vast majority of people.
You brushed off dark secrets she may have by stating she's from Minnesota, but there are strong selection pressures involved in migration. If she was the type to move to Los Angeles of all places and then get hooked on heroin, there's a very good chance she has multiple other dark secrets about her past.
Who knows how many issues this past decade of your life has caused you to develop, how many diagnoses you may qualify for. How's your social anxiety? Do you feel any general aversion to other people? A fear of forming platonic or romantic relationships?
Open up that box of chocolates, boy, see what you get.
I mean id known her on a customer level like 3 days when she started telling me how awful her then-boyfriend was. And texting me in the middle of the night when he was trying to break into her apartment. But hes a tall lanky balding jedi junkie. I dont think she was "the type" to get addicted to heroin. Just came out here to go to med school, and got with the wrong dude...just like my first girlfriend did. If it helps, she was only "addicted" for three months, and even when Ive been unable to get her the meds to ease the symptoms, shell just suffer for a couple days instead of relenting and getting high.
Yeah Im reading into a lot of things, but I just feel like its important to give an honest appraisal of oneself and ones flaws. Im doing better financially in the last couple of months than I have my entire life, due to a hail mary business plan that just took off like I wasn't expecting. If I could feel comfortable with my aging mother being by herself, lose some weight and get on some thyroid meds/ anti depressants, i think id be set.
Its not so much anxiety. For the most part, I can sit in a room or at a bar with people and get along just fine. Ive just been so removed from everything for so long, i feel like im back in high school again. People have an entire decade of travel and life experiences under their belt to small talk about, and I just dont. I dont really know what to talk to people about.
