User Controls
Posts by Dissociator
-
2016-06-17 at 1:46 PM UTC in I'm fuckin' lonely. :(Joining the lonely club here.
Also some events caused me to spawn a delusion/reality that my life is being sabotaged, someone that I used to talk to I think is trying as hard as they can to make sure all of my associations with people are knocked out because they think I'm a robotic heartless etc etc when in reality they were the one using me to laugh at while they were high because an anhedonic man is a funny sight. -
2016-06-17 at 6:28 AM UTC in I wish I had psychosis sometimes.
Something like truman show delusion. That would be kinda neat to beleive that peole in your life are actors/your life is some kinda big setup. Eirher that, or be sane like I am now but experience "glitches in the matrix" every once in a while.
I had the truman show delusion on wellbutrin, the first time I was prescribed it (taking as medicine not as deadbeat high). Thought cameras were everywhere, thought everything was like artificial and shit. Was fun. -
2016-06-17 at 6:24 AM UTC in The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first edition
Also, received my pyrazolam today. May have had some residual solvent(s) based on the slight scent I detected, but I immediately thought "How bad can it be?", then applied it sublingual with vinopectine (strong local vasodilation), not even having the benefits of hte gastrointestinal or hepatic system offering some protection because unsurprisingly I no longer value my health much since the odds are I won't live long anyway. It's also a yellowish color, so it could be a somewhat shitty since/poorly purified. Someone on RCSources noticed this too, they said they had recently received some that was orange and not water soluble, which pyrazolam is supposed to be and stated they were going to send it to Energy Control for testing. Another person stated that in their experience this was standard for the pyrazolam they had received from sources and that it still had the intended effects, but that changes nothing.
As for the effects, it's pretty much exactly what I wanted, very selective anxiolysis without side effects. It's neither fun nor interesting, and isn't meant to be, but very therapeutic and when I was researching GABA-A subreceptors came across some valuable information that leads me to believe that benzos of this nature could be sustaible in the long-term and avoid the long-term risks that have been found, mainly a greatly increased risk for dementia and alzheimer's. /end review
There are some very promising novel anxiolytics in the pipeline (http://mentalhealthdaily.com/2015/02/26/5-new-anxiety-medications-in-development-2015/). Actually, they don't seem particularly promising at all and most don't pan out. May have been thinking of some in some of my files.
My ideal drug would have been this, although Nardil is the best choice for me because I also need the potent anti-depressive effects, but the synthesis didn't scale due to random explosions (you are dealing with hydrazine), which I may have found the cause of, and another veteran user who haqd attempted it a few months before stated that it was purification that was difficult,
​
What vendor do you use? also how does pyrazolam compare to alprazolam or etizolam
also gettin sum hbwr seeds on monday -
2016-06-15 at 10:18 PM UTC in I got a new drughbwr and caffeine/ergotamine (got for migraines)
dun with degenerate trianglism drehgs also went to 2nd NA meeting todayyy -
2016-06-15 at 1:02 AM UTC in NAWWW NAWWW NAW NAUGAHYDEThey found him dead, with panties, on his head
a nylon energy triangle that didn't work
the apex over the soft spot with two big holes where his ears should have been
the cpr ambulance driver was queer
he took his pleasure freely
alternating between the two new tracks left by the lieutenant's 45
pink young interns spread wide
puzzled by the presence of live sperm in the lieutenants brain
one licked her lips in anticipation
and later vomited on the nurse who found blood on the ambulance driver's pants
she was silenced with so many cassette recordings of long distance abuse
the lieutenants mother was a live vegetable
brushed her teeth, then her eyes
next the hair and body
area 51, mr Casanova killed by a drill press
for the seventh time she insisted on an open casket funeral
IT WOULD BE SO ADMIRABLE YEAHHHH
but
a telegram soaked in vicks and piss from europa
put a stop to his para-military fantasies
NAUUU NAUU NA NAUGAHYDE
NAUUU NAUU NA NAUGAHYDE
NAUUU NAUU NA NAUGAHYDE
NAUUU NAUU NA NAUGAHYDE
NAUUU NAUU NA NAUGAHYDE
BEAT ME, BEAT YOU
NAUUU NAUU NA NAUGAHYDE
I GOTTA KNOW IF ITS SOFT INSIDE
NAUUU NAUU NA NAUGAHYDE
SWALLOW EVERYBODY'S PRIDE
NAUUU NAUU NA NAUGAHYDE
LET ALL MY PEOPLE GO!!!!
NAUUU NAUU NA NAUGAHYDE
BEAT ME, BEAT YOU
NAUUU NAUU NA NAUGAHYDE
I GOTTA KNOW IF ITS SOFT INSIDE
NAUUU NAUU NA NAUGAHYDE
SWALLOW EVERYBODY'S PRIDE
NAUUU NAUU NA NAUGAHYDE
LET ALL MY PEOPLE GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! -
2016-06-15 at 12:57 AM UTC in NAWWW NAWWW NAW NAUGAHYDELET MY PEOPLE GO!!!
-
2016-06-14 at 4:52 AM UTC in Methylphenidate binge, up for like, 30 hours, not countin a 30 min napDone with stims. alcoholism ahoyyyyyy--------------
-
2016-06-12 at 3:09 PM UTC in I hit my head, had a seizure and now I have a Jamaican accent
It's valuable information that he should be aware of, particularly considering he's only 17, his brain is still developing, and is already incredibly fucked up to begin with due to years of taking who knows how many drugs and whatever psychiatric/neurological disorders he may have.
I mean, honestly, if you're genuinely knocking yourself out by hitting your head with a block of wood, waking up with your parents panicked thinking you may have had a seizure or serious medical emergency due to your breathing patterns *facepalm*
The information is so well known and obvious that it's value only matters to one who is daft enough not to know that the brain being shaken is dangerous enough as it is and shaking it again, at any time in the future is damaging. Hell I even remember nonprofit organizations (usually very depressed parents trying to give their severely brain damaged child's life mean something or to give themselves a reason to live after their kid dying) coming into my gradeschool with their wheelchair-bound kid talking about the tragic football game and the importance of proper sports medicine complete with rolling him/her/it/ down the floor while a bunch of tramautized/indifferent 3rd graders hold their hands out while Jimmy Almostwas's stiff contorted arm is held out like a good-game charade.
And about the next part, pot calling the kettle black.
Years of who knows how many drugs, I know how many, I can name every single one, not counting that spice garbage I learned about from a certain Samajwadki Party toilet. After the whole incident, my dad said to me yeah, your mom fucking panics away too much, The spice incident she was blah blah and this incident same thing even though its like comparing a lightning storm to a static shock. Also I've had seizures before as a child, absence seizures, and believe it or not I remember having only like 2 or 3 (actually that's pretty plausible considering they're absence.. what I mean is I remember the seizure auras and seizure afteraffects and this was just a clean cut blow to the head but next time I'll be the head doing the blow.
edit: damn re reading my original post I was pretty bleh'd. Still haven't gotten any sleep because I'm on a mission.
[SIZE=8px]a mission from god
weyoun 4 > weyoun 5. gods don't make mistakes. they make self replicating votra. Rom doesn't make mistakes he makes self replicating mines and makes a good grand nagus[/SIZE]
-
2016-06-11 at 5:18 PM UTC in I hit my head, had a seizure and now I have a Jamaican accentno I cant see them because I have no money and no car , mom said she was gonna pay for the ticket because I have no debit. I have some money to pay for it but the tickets can only be bought on ticketmaster online with a card and printed out..afaik. And If I had ticket to ride, my parents would call the cops say I'm mentally unstable druggie left for show with no where to go or etc and get me psychwaded
-
2016-06-11 at 12:37 PM UTC in Wait, am I the oldest surviving totsean?Well I'm the last person to join the community in this thread, and in this site I think. If not the last then the last membrar of the commune who posts of value .Atleast I found it when I did. I joined grand nagus zeklet in march 2014 but I never posted/had any sory of acquaintance with any of you until the summer.
-
2016-06-11 at 11:26 AM UTC in I hit my head, had a seizure and now I have a Jamaican accentChrist, de berg!!!! (chris deburgh)
anyways out of extreme frustration and the fact that the other day while going for a walk I passed out, or fainted, like 2 hrs after I woke up, well rested and not having taken drugs. When I got home I realized my face was all fucking dented, but in reality I lost so much weight the skin can't compensate. I think.
Something something my dad can't go to this concert with me, which really bummed me out, but I was still ok because one of my favorite bands. And then my mom started being a mother and said you can't go blah blah im worried
Well incase no one here knows I'm not a legal adult yet, I will be in march. but descendents isn't playing in 2017. Not where I live. Their album is called hypersomethingcaffeine spazzinate, or something like that. theyre out of ideas. theyre old. especially milo. I'm going to be very depressed that this is the only band I've really really liked near me playing that I could see but I can't
so I tried to knock myself out and hopefully stop breathing and hit my head, the front, with a maybe, an inch thick, was the wood that I hit my head with in the front, anyways, I hit my head pretty hard and blacked out, my mom and dad I remember the first thing when I came to, I passed out. I know I did because I passed out the same the other day and I've passed out many times. I've done it on purpose, I've had someone else do it to me on purpose. So I got up as fast as I could to say DON'T CALL ANY-- JRERJE I PASSED OUT THATS ITETTET came up with a lie saying WHEN YOU HIT YOUR HEAD THE BRAIN COMPENSATES BY PUTTING THE LUNGS INTO OVERDRIVE SO THE BODY FORCES ITSELF TO EXERT ANY ENERGY TO KEEP BREATHING AND STAY ALIVE, MY LUNGS WERE INFLATING AND DEFLATING VERY FAST, LIKE AN ATHSMA ATTACK. I PASSED OUT AS A RESULT AND LOOKED LIKE I WAS SEIZING BECAUSE LUNGS.
something something im probably going to drink myself into a coma today isntedj jj xcant see milo and ,m favorite band mostly that still tours... I'll be wanting to die for months but
THIS IS A 1ST WORLD PROBLEM. I KNOW IT IS, AND I KNOW THIS IS ALL MEANINGLESS, IF IT HAPPENED TO ANY OF YOU WITH YOUR FAVORITE BAND YOU'D FEEL BAD AND COPE AND LIVE WITH IT.
I might. but honestly I don't think I will learn to cope for a while. its an oppurtunity thats gone
\
I wrote a song called the original west coast ahkmah (jeuneasterrn setting)
https://soundcloud.com/user-895074734/the-original-west-coast-ahkmah -
2016-06-11 at 3:16 AM UTC in How I perceive users on niggasinspace soundingyou got mQ correctly what I got in my head which isn't often. Bill KrozbyLERRR
-
2016-06-11 at 2:16 AM UTC in Parental love and respectI'm going to see descendents play tomorrow and my only friend can't afford it plus his mom doesn't have a car anymore (sad because we haven't hung in like almost a year because of his schoolwork and we needed time apart because since I reunited with him after 9 years of not seeing eachother (gradeschool, me and him were tight, didn't let those little nosebag crimby pimbus tringy vimmy crimbus schneidelwuts go at us) we've had sort of a bipolar friendship, he having pervasive development disorder, me having schizotypal traits and drug us). but the concert was a good thing to do because it was his favorite band and they're up there on my list.
I asked my dad to come and he said, Roshanko, agh I can't.. my knees are bad.. and, with my heart I can't risk getting knocked around in one of those punk feeding grounds.. how long is it, I say 7 hours.. him : I can't stand that long. I told him its outdoors and there is a 21 and up bar section so most likely there are chairs or something,etc etc etc
I feel really terrible because we've had fights for years, him starting with my mom, me getting mad, me pissed at him for etc, but the past like month or 2 we've actually had a connection like, 2 human beings with a will to live that live with eachother and don't split the atom whenever they cross paths. I know he doesn't have long to live, he saw his physician and surprisingly his heart is fine but he has other problems that a 56 year old body wouldn't be able to cope with. And he knows as soon as I turn 18 I'm leaving and we would never see eachother again.
Sorry for tldr but I'm pretty low right now and typing in hyperfocus at looking at something gets my mind off it. Not expecting sympathy from this post because, like some of you might say, he tried for years and you try for a day, you deserve it. Or something along those lines.
What;s it like to grow up with a father that actually spends time with you? As a kid he was never abusive to me or my sister, just my mom, but was either busy at work, doing stuff that you shouldnt be around a kid because, idk disrespect? But it really sucked when he didn't go to my baseball or soccer games, and when I quit he said "you quit everything". Only thing he ever really did with me is go to all my boyscout meetings, pinewood derby, outings when we went to a park to learn how to use a bow and arrow. Some of the happiest times I remember from my childhood were the drive to the church where the meetings were and the drive home. He played george harrison, queen, ELO, N.W.A., snoop when he was a doggy dog, really good music. Always made sure I had a good taste and I knew the band and the songs meanings. Heh I remember when he asked me which beatle is that and if I got it right on the first try he'd give me a dollar a song. I thought Ringo sung day tripper.
How can I make my dad feel better about not being able to go? -
2016-06-10 at 10:05 PM UTC in I've made a spice trip simulator (with music)
Well it started as a cover and then a music video and when I saw the result it reminded me of scrooby scracks -
2016-06-10 at 9:05 PM UTC in Methylphenidate binge, up for like, 30 hours, not countin a 30 min napEh I can just get some from my local heroinFuckwhoonly gives me shitty 3BENZOSa month 3 and suboxone
33333333333333333333333333333333333
I heard from someone you can get insulin needles from a pharmacy without a script if you have id and fill out a form like the DEA PHENETHYLAMINE CONSTITUAPHEDRINE -
2016-06-09 at 4:34 PM UTC in What I wrote of my novel so far (black dots and shadow people)yeah i gotta fix that. i wanted to portray what things did what and how i changed but i dont think readers will be interested in drug names.. i gotta sort that out but thanks about the comics, when I was 12 me and my friend charlie made so many good comics and now im back, but those plotlines, i can draw but i cant write a story for the bored of me and the nord of ski
-
2016-06-09 at 3:40 PM UTC in The functional addict,
^oh you're one of those opportunistic mother fuckers
What. I just want to be treated as a person not as a child or an edgy 17 year old. I mean, for like a year, you, and everyone else thought I was in my mid 20s without me even saying my age. I did say I was 15 once, back in zoklet 2014 summer and you know what, everyone disregarded my posts and roshambo went from roshambo to codeen teen. I'm not trying to exploit just to like, be treated as an adult. Not being egotistical, but I honestly do think that my mental a ge is atleast 4 years older, my maturity age, probably you know, same as my actual age. -
2016-06-09 at 3:24 PM UTC in What I wrote of my novel so far (black dots and shadow people)I was hiding behind a bush, almost certain I would be safe. As soon as I started running, I was captured. No way out. Our manhunt team lost for the fourth time in a row. Even though I used to do cough medicine and obviously advertised the fact that I had Xanax, even shared it with two of my friends which I’ve regretted ever since. James was a short, skinny guy, I gave him half a football back then, gave nick half a bar during band practice and he was drumming on the air.
Even though all of that happened, the gang always gets together at Nick’s for manhunt. I’m starting to feel it. I thought what it said on the internet was just rumors and weak reports like Sudafed and other things like that but as soon as I felt this, I knew it would be with me for a long time. A sudden burst of energy hit, and I ran like I’ve never ran before, the force of the wind against me and the momentum I was building was pure euphoria, combined with the warmth and overall, ecstatic feelings. I assumed this is the closest thing to MDMA I would ever try. My heart was racing and I felt a little bit strange but I kept at it. 2 inhalers isn’t that bad… swallowing cotton… it will pass.
My panic attack attack-esque thought train suddenly dissipated as Nick said ‘’What is that smell, smells like rotten fish’’. Oh lord. I realized I chucked the white part, the useless just disgusting tasting and smelling cotton, into the bushes. I kept casual and acted as confused as them. It passed.
When I got home I realized something very strange. I was seeing black dots all over my hands. It was not like Benadryl, it felt like, well looked like little organisms. Not spiders but just, two dimensional creatures following their path instinctively. When I jumped into the shower, I realized I was not alone. I could feel a prescence. Out of the corner of my vision I saw.. I don’t know what I saw. It was just a darker-than-pitch black avatar… a shadow person. I started freaking out and got the usual Xanax from my dad. Sometimes I wish I never got curious and took a Xanax out of his pill bottle… no wait, that isn’t how it happened. When aunt Debbie was dying of cancer, and I was 11, I knew well she had no time left, my mom had a prescription for Xanax and my dad would sometimes give her one to chew.
Well one day when I was having a ‘’panic attack’’ my dad gave me a xanax. The start of the end of my life. I felt like a new man, all my worries and even depression, lack of motivation, was gone. Completely. I felt extremely content just drawing stick figures with a new fountain pen set I got online, as I was very interested in comics, traditional drawn, back then. My memory is fuzzy, of course, but I think I would take like, 4 xanaxs 1 day a week and split the doses up. At one point my sister got a prescription, summer of… 2012? That was when I discovered my dad’s Adderall, which obviously added to my ‘’troubles’’. My sister only took ONE Xanax. I nicked the bottle from my mom’s dresser and no one knew. Not until I left one on my guitar amp one lazy day. And that is when the joys went from every day pleasure to suffering except for a few days out of a month I’d find one. My dad was a sociopath and he didn’t even know it. I didn’t even know it back then. It wasn’t until a lot later that I realized he was capable and willing to do some really, extremely sordid things.
My father would always say “I don’t feel guilty, I don’t have anything to feel bad about. You got into my pills. When they say keep away from children, they mean toddlers. You are a baby and you were back then. I wouldn’t even bother correcting his wetbrained and drug clouded memory. I was always curious, if he really believed that, or he convinced himself, to avoid the guilt.
Based on a true story. 90% is like, what happened. Inb4 respect your father, no one cares, benzedrex fiend, die
Just looking for like, tips or criticism.. Other than Bill Krozby, spaceMrHaps and some other ppl too drunk to remember, most people consider me like, the bottom of the barrel loser
-
2016-06-09 at 2:41 PM UTC in I have an addiction/ disorderqwellllnaw when u got .. TWO DRINKS danana FOUR DRINKS..... 5 MINUTES ...... I DIDIT............. eh enough with rozhenkho language
I replieed because its directly relevant to your thread plus its hardly content
also main point wasnt ''''
[SIZE=8px]''[FONT=courier new]I'm a patrician in the smug krew, I'm a spaceguy in a cardassian suit, I got ties to the seroquel troops''[/FONT][/SIZE] -
2016-06-09 at 1:13 PM UTC in I have an addiction/ disorderI have a confession. I have bipolar sustinence fluctuation syndrome age 13, 150lbs
age 14, 230 lbs (pre-chronic stim use, I think)
age 14, 190 lbs (during my benzedrex peak daze) very soon after 230, my face was like, looked 25 because my fibrillin was like wtf is this guy doing
skip to summer 2015. 150 lbs anorexia suvorextent
