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Posts That Were Thanked by OMGPLZUNBAN
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2020-02-19 at 10:57 PM UTC in The longest thread on the internet! Free custom LOLcats inside! Ask within!The longest thread ever was 3,972 ft 9 in and was spun by Ernest Jensen of Buderim, Queensland, Australia at the Bothwell International Highland Spin-In, Bothwell, Tasmania, Australia on 28 February 2003.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2020-02-16 at 4:43 PM UTC in The longest thread on the internet! Free custom LOLcats inside! Ask within!
Originally posted by OMGPLZUNBAN Poast isn't telling his story which he should instead of killing himself. So I'll post a joke he told me that no body laughs at.
A guy opens up a restaurant and calls it, 'No Niggers Welcome'. The town gets upset obviously. So he changes the name to, 'Niggers Welcome'. The town is still pissed and the guy is standing around like, "You just can't please these NIGGERS!!"
corrected.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2020-01-26 at 2:56 AM UTC in The longest thread on the internet! Free custom LOLcats inside! Ask within!
Originally posted by OMGPLZUNBAN I met a dude with no legs pushing himself with his arms. So I ask him how he lost his legs. He was born without them. I said that sucks. He replies, "Well I get along fine."
I tell him, "Oh no. I mean it sucks you don't have an awesome story."
Lol whenever someone asks about my scars I make up a ridiculous lie. The dog bite on my hand? Knife fight. Scar from heart surgery? Came across a mother bear. The scar I got falling off a scooter as a kid? Someone broke into my house through the window above my bed and the glass dug in as they fell on me.
I have a good poker face so there's always someone who believes it, which is when i tell the truth.
Had a coworker once who also had a good poker face and we had an entire conversation about him buying crack from me. How good it was, better than the last batch, he can try some after work, etc. Never touched the stuff in my life. Another coworker thought it was for real and we masturbated laughing.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2020-01-20 at 8:40 PM UTC in The longest thread on the internet! Free custom LOLcats inside! Ask within!The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2020-01-19 at 10:06 AM UTC in The longest thread on the internet! Free custom LOLcats inside! Ask within!Another time at work, I was mashing an industrial amount of potatoes with a massive steel masher. OMG slips in behind me like I'm Demi Moore, embraces my hands like a beautiful Patrick Swayze, and starts erotically helping me mash potatoes.
Our boss, Boston Rob, walks by and says "fucking faggots." And then walks away.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2020-01-19 at 10:01 AM UTC in The longest thread on the internet! Free custom LOLcats inside! Ask within!
Originally posted by OMGPLZUNBAN So one time…..
WifeDead and I were working a applebees. Some nigger worked there and made manager in no time flat. I mean nigger not because he was black. But because he was a piece of shit. He ordered wings and requested drum sticks only. So WifeDead made him a serving of all wings with one drum stick. He was pissed. We were good buddies so this retard called us both into the office, during a rush to say how it was unprofessional or something. WifeDead showed up to work drunk and pulled out a baller move and just said, "Ain't no thang but a chicken wang." A solid argument looking back.
Poast recently convinced me to jump in and tell some stories, and you stole the one I was going to tell.
You didn't even give that hilarious story the justice it deserves. Sir was mad pissed and we were on the chopping block for getting fired after that, I'm pretty sure the district manager only let us keep our jobs because she thought it was cute when I said "ain't no thang but a chicken wang."
Drunk me is pretty good at being stupid, funny and sexy all at the same time. As evident, me and that one manager you were trying to get with made out in her car when she drove me to the ER after I cut the tip off my thumb off while drunk at work. Tongue deep, bleeding all over her car and everything. When I got back with all my stitches, she had cleaned up and acted like nothing ever happened but always had a winky look when she walked by me.
Anyways, some other funny story is the infamous "48 hour blackout." Me and like 5 other dudes (OMG included, not sure if Poast was there) got so drunk that we all lost two days. Nobody knows what happened, but some sober dude stopped by at one point and said he walked in and found a goddamn dogpile of dudes passed out in the center of our living room in the middle of the day and b-lined it for the exit.
At the tail end of the 48 hour blackout, I woke up with some chick in my bed. Me and OMG shared a bunk bed, and I had top bunk because I was the beta. We all three woke up around the same time, and OMG threw on The Dark Knight for the hundredth time because that's what we always watched.
I start watching from above, girl starts watching with me. We can't see OMG, but he keeps up with commentary. At one point, OMG is just babbling about shit nobody cares about, she yells down "SHUT THE FUCK UP, I'M TRYING TO CHEAT ON MY BOYFRIEND!" and then looks at me.
OMG says back "What?" I'm looking at her like "lolwut?" And she says "doesn't matter, the guy I wanted to hear it heard it" while looking me dead in the eye. I figure fuck it, and start feeling her up. Things escalate quickly, and OMG notices. He eventually leaves the room and slams the door super butthurt.
I end up banging the fuck out of her to The Dark Knight and pausing to quote my favorite scenes. I was straight up balls deep watching the movie saying shit like "YOU THOUGHT WE COULD BE DECENT MEN, IN AN INDECENT TIME--BUT YOU WERE WRONG!"
We wrecked that bunk bed, and she probably fucked off shortly after because I have no memory of ever seeing her again. The icing on the cake is that years later, OMG told me she fell asleep in his bed and he started feeling her up, and she said "dude, I have a boyfriend" then climbed up into my bed. Apparently I have more game than OMG while sleeping than he does at his best.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2020-01-18 at 3:50 AM UTC in The longest thread on the internet! Free custom LOLcats inside! Ask within!I gave up on this thread but it's full of twists and turns and now I feel guilty for neglecting itThe following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2020-01-13 at 2:27 AM UTC in The longest thread on the internet! Free custom LOLcats inside! Ask within!Hey we like the same pornThe following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2020-01-12 at 10:44 AM UTC in The longest thread on the internet! Free custom LOLcats inside! Ask within!
Originally posted by OMGPLZUNBAN I alerted Poast to this thread. Funny how he doesn't show his face anymore.
Reminds me of that one time he deleted his facebook because of me. I'd love to poast the video but he doesn't want his face online. I assume his butthole was ok to post.
Free 100% custom LOLcat to whos guesses which asshole is poasts and who's is WifeDead.
right butthole is wifedeadThe following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2020-01-11 at 10:59 PM UTC in The longest thread on the internet! Free custom LOLcats inside! Ask within!All rise for the national anthem
The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2020-01-10 at 11:59 PM UTC in The longest thread on the internet! Free custom LOLcats inside! Ask within!Thank you for existingThe following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2020-01-10 at 11:49 PM UTC in The longest thread on the internet! Free custom LOLcats inside! Ask within!Nigger whoreThe following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2019-12-24 at 8:19 PM UTC in The longest thread on the internet! Free custom LOLcats inside! Ask within!The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2019-12-24 at 7:34 PM UTC in The longest thread on the internet! Free custom LOLcats inside! Ask within!If we just legalized LOLcats this wouldn't be an issue. The cartels are merely filling a demand.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2019-12-22 at 11:16 AM UTC in The longest thread on the internet! Free custom LOLcats inside! Ask within!Shawties taking a picture of ur name on paper was the early internet equivalent of cumming in a hoes anal cavityThe following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2019-12-19 at 6:38 AM UTC in The longest thread on the internet! Free custom LOLcats inside! Ask within!You guys are shitbags.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2019-12-19 at 6:29 AM UTC in The longest thread on the internet! Free custom LOLcats inside! Ask within!Miles down the road on this destitute journey, OMG and I are mobbing up the hill in his shitty beat up Camaro. It was his first car and he didn’t give a shit about it. We used to browse free piles just to find large objects to hit at full speed. The best we ever found was an old grandfather clock. But that’s another story. So we’re heading up the hill to his place, when we realize his redneck brother, and a truck full of his friends, are going slow in front of us. They’re all cooler than us because they have a bigger gang, we’re reject stoners at this stage. In the back window of their pickup, they’re all jeering at us and flipping us the bird, daring us to tempt fate. OMG is older than me, but I out rank him in experience so he does whatever I say to an extent. I tell him, “ram them.” He looks over at me hesitantly, and asked if I meant what I said. I nod, this is our moment to show these rednecks we’re crazier than they are. OMG puts on his game face, buckles down, and speeds up significantly, smashing into the rear end of whoever’s truck was driving OMG’s brother up the hill. Their truck lightly fishtails, but they regain control. The whole demeanor in the truck has changed, they went from jeering and on top of the world, to absolutely ass blasted. These are rednecks we’re talking about, their trucks are their life blood. At this point all of them are hanging out the window screaming that they’re gonna kick our asses. We didn’t give a fuck. They were pussies, because they never kicked our asses. And what we did in that moment goes down as legend between OMG and I.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2019-12-18 at 2:03 AM UTC in The longest thread on the internet! Free custom LOLcats inside! Ask within!Here's a story I just remembered the other day for some reason:
My friend David used to go to primary school with Stephen. One day they're sitting in David's living room watching TV and his mother quietly walks in behind them, trying to cross into the kitchen without being noticed but Stephen says hi and notices she's carrying what looks like a gift box.
Being kids who watched too much TV Stephen starts singing the themesong for 'what's in the box', Dave's mum goes white as a fucking ghost. Dave thinks it's funny so he starts singing it as well, and they press her to show them.
It was a dead cat she'd accidentally run over, and it was in a christmas box because it was the only thing it'd fit in that she found in the back of her car.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2019-12-11 at 6:03 AM UTC in The longest thread on the internet! Free custom LOLcats inside! Ask within!
Originally posted by Poast I don’t want copies of any of that shit floating around right now. Should have saved it all when you had the chance boys. Rest assured, I have multiple backed up copies of everything I’ve ever made, and it will all be released permantately sometime in the next 10 years. OMG knows why. That’s the best I can do.
And CASPER, I don’t owe you shit. Love ya big guy, but we’re square. You got to experience our content when it was fresh off the presses, and that was more than worth a couple shitty Dominos pizzas. You were ballin’ at the time anyways.
You're such a shit person.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2019-12-11 at 5:46 AM UTC in The longest thread on the internet! Free custom LOLcats inside! Ask within!I don’t want copies of any of that shit floating around right now. Should have saved it all when you had the chance boys. Rest assured, I have multiple backed up copies of everything I’ve ever made, and it will all be released permantately sometime in the next 10 years. OMG knows why. That’s the best I can do.
And CASPER, I don’t owe you shit. Love ya big guy, but we’re square. You got to experience our content when it was fresh off the presses, and that was more than worth a couple shitty Dominos pizzas. You were ballin’ at the time anyways.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
