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The longest thread on the internet! Free custom LOLcats inside! Ask within!
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2020-02-19 at 7:08 PM UTCcontribution
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2020-02-19 at 7:18 PM UTCbump.
moar funny stories plz. -
2020-02-19 at 7:18 PM UTCI want
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2020-02-19 at 10:57 PM UTCThe longest thread ever was 3,972 ft 9 in and was spun by Ernest Jensen of Buderim, Queensland, Australia at the Bothwell International Highland Spin-In, Bothwell, Tasmania, Australia on 28 February 2003.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2020-02-20 at 2:55 AM UTC
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2020-02-20 at 5:37 AM UTC
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2020-02-23 at 3:32 PM UTCBamp
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2020-02-27 at 2:56 AM UTCOh it's fucking on bitches. I had internet out for a hot minute but now we're on page 42! Jesus christ how do I do it?
Listen. I owe no one nothing. If I owe you, take it like the red cross, and get it in blood. If you're broke, get your homies together and save up for a quarter. And I feel bad for you. -
2020-02-27 at 3:07 AM UTC
Originally posted by STER0S bump.
moar funny stories plz.
Since Poast is being a faggot I'll tell his story. I wasn't there so it's probably way wrong.
Poast was working at Pizza Slut with this gigantic black dude. I wanna say probably 6'5" and big. Probably over 300 lbs. One time he was giving Poast the business at work and pissed him off. So Poast punched him in the face.
The guy could've annihilated Poast but instead he was just confused and looked at him like, 'You serious dude?'
A while later we went over to his house to a big weed dinner. I only remember the weed infused macaroni but there was a ton of other dishes.
He also had a huge DVD collection. I wanted to borrow Earnest Goes to Africa but he didn't lend out movies. He had hundreds. I bet those aged well. -
2020-02-27 at 6:19 AM UTCTo this day when I see the guy around at bars, he’ll announce to everyone that I’m the only person who’s ever had the balls to swing on him. Got him in the ear. Little bitch didn’t do shit. Just took it.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2020-02-28 at 1:53 AM UTCAt Sentry this big dude used to love crop dusting people by farting in their faces. He mastered it too. He would pretend to be reaching for something behind them then just blast them straight in the face.
One day Poast got his revenge. Pulled the classic move of pretending to reach for something and assblasted other dude.
Other dude without missing a beat yells, "Why does your fart smell like OMGs dick?! You cheating on me?!"
I have no idea why we never got pink eye. Poast got scavies though. Probably from some dirty drunken ho.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2020-02-28 at 1:57 AM UTCLol isn’t poast missing like 6 fingers. How does he even type stuff anymoreThe following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2020-02-28 at 2:49 AM UTC
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2020-02-28 at 2:52 AM UTCOh so he uses his dick as an extra typing finger. Interesting.
Disabled people compensate in all kinds of weird ways. I’m good wit itThe following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2020-02-28 at 3:53 AM UTCCock flex to press different keys
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2020-02-28 at 7:37 AM UTCI got a story. It all started at our old party house, the most famous one, the one that made or broke new comers, the one that got our apartment raided by a task force years later. So at some point we let this wannabe jarhead move in. One night he gets shit faced with us and decides to sober up by taking a cold shower fully clothed with sneakers on. When he’s finished he must have leaped from the tub because he somehow puts one foot through the inside of the toilet, knocking out a massive hole in the front of the bowl.
Bear in mind this toilet had basically never been cleaned in the year that we lived at this house, and we were throwing parties 5-6 nights a week. The black mold on every surface had long ago turned pink. Days go by and we’re partying so hard every night that random drunk people are still using the toilet. Each time they flush, the contents spill out all over the floor. There’s old dirty towels all over the ground to sop up the human waste but not much more is being done.
One night we have a redneck over who swears he knows how to fix it and drags us all into the bathroom to demonstrate his idea. He staggers to the toilet and basically gets on his knees in the filth to get a better look at it. Immediately he sticks his hand in the bowl and he's openly touching the inside of the bowl, full on caressing it drunk as fuck, really getting to know the contours of the break and what might be done to fix it. He’s basically talking out of his ass mumbling about some janky plan to patch it up. I'm trying to tell him to stop fucking touching it when he recoils in horror. He's cut himself on the exposed porcelain, badly. I saw it up close and it was a pretty deep cut.
He tries to play it off legit and get back to the party as I'm just fucking disgusted backing away in shock, imagining the sheer filth of what he just lacerated himself on. I go to offer him some peroxide but of course there's none left, so he just washes his cut under the faucet and wraps it up with toilet paper that everyone had been using to shit with. He's lucky we had toilet paper at all, we used a phone book off and on for months when we couldn’t get our hands on any coffee fi|ters.
Here's a couple bonus shots from that legendary bathroom. Had my first threesome in here, landlord was pissed tearing through the house one day and caught 5 drunk people hiding out in the dark, greasy women used to hide their soiled panties in here and people would parade them around the party weeks or months later and threaten people with them. When things almost went too far with a particularly disgusting pair one night, I put them in a zip loc bag and threw it on the neighbors roof. I needed to sleep.
The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2020-02-28 at 7:38 AM UTC
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2020-03-03 at 8:14 PM UTCMore about that bathroom:
Some girl came over and for what ever reason we kicked her out. Poast and I are standing on the porch as she's walking away singing, "Hit the road bitch. And don't you come back no more no more no more no more!"
She became a close friend and later told us that when she came to our party she was still a little butthurt and pissed in the floor heater vent. Probably because the toilet was out of commission.
When we ran out of toilet paper we used coffee enhancements. When we ran out of those we used a phone book. It worked best if you ripped out a page and rubbed it together to make the paper a bit rougher. It was a shitty situation.
One time WifeDead woke up after a party and I was in the living room. He goes to shit. Comes back and asks if there's any toilet paper. I told him no so he goes back into his room and comes out with a sock. We laughed but that's not the moral of this story.
He comes out of the bathroom and tells me I have to see his shit. I start to go towards the bathroom and first I'm hit by the smell. Jesus christ. Then I see the behemoth. First there was a mountain of shit not in log form. A literal mountain that crested above the water. He shit so much it came out of the water. But that's not all, the second half of his shit was a long log the wrapped around shitstorm mountain. It was so perfect I wondered if he was moving his ass around to perfect his abomination.
I ran out of the bathroom gagging from the smell. But I knew it was a once in a lifetime opportunity that I had to witness again. So I went back in just to verify what I had seen. It was unbelievable. I had an old camera that took floppy disks but all my floppys were bad at the time so there's no proof.
I called WifeDead many years later to verify my story. I was thinking maybe time has me embellishing it. He assures me that this is a true factual story down to the last detail. That shit was that gnarly. It did look like that. It was that big.
I can not express through words or a photo of that moment of my life. Like the grand canyon, you have to see it with your own eyes to remark on it's sheer size and beauty. -
2020-03-04 at 7:45 AM UTCThe following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2020-03-04 at 1:59 PM UTC
Originally posted by CASPER lol jesus fuck dude thats card af. I didnt realize you banditos were so raunch.
Lol this. That is some fucking filth. That bathroom reminds me a lot of living with hydro. Im pretty sure she had the same cheap laminate tile in her bathroom, but in squares. It also had no door which was fine because it had no working lights either so nobody could see inside anyway unless you were using a candle.
One time on 650ug AL-LAD I was on the comeup and had to go to the bathroom. I didn't use a candle and the minute i walked in I stepped in dog shit, which I then spread across the bathroom floor trying to either get out or find the bathtub so i could wash it off. This made a hell of a mess that i smelled but never saw. I had to yell for help until hydro came and led me out of the bathroom and cleaned up after me. I got sprayed off with a hose in the front yard.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
