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2019-06-04 at 6:24 PM UTC in ATTN: CASPER- in reference to MaliceSo there was this man in Bulgaria who drove trains for a living.
He loved his job. Driving a train had been his dream ever since he was a child. He loved to make the train go as fast as possible. Unfortunately, one day he was a little too reckless and caused a crash. He made it out, but a single person died. Well, needless to say, he went to court over this incident. He was found guilty, and was sentenced to death by electrocution. When the day of the execution came, he requested a single banana as his last meal. After eating the banana, he was strapped into the electric chair. The switch was flown, sparks flew, and smoke filled the air - but nothing happened. The man was perfectly fine.
Well, at the time, there was an old Bulgarian law that said a failed execution was a sign of divine intervention, so the man was allowed to go free. Somehow, he managed to get his old job back driving the train. Having not learned his lesson at all, he went right back to driving the train with reckless abandon. Once again, he caused a train to crash, this time killing two people. The trial went much the same as the first, resulting in a sentence of execution. For his final meal, the man requested two bananas. After eating the bananas, he was strapped into the electric chair. The switch was thrown, sparks flew, smoke filled the room - and the man was once again unharmed.
Well, this of course meant that he was free to go. And once again, he somehow managed to get his old job back. To what should have been the surprise of no one, he crashed yet another train and killed three people. And so he once again found himself being sentenced to death. On the day of his execution, he requested his final meal: three bananas.
"You know what? No," said the executioner. "I've had it with you and your stupid bananas and walking out of here unharmed. I'm not giving you a thing to eat; we're strapping you in and doing this now." Well, it was against protocol, but the man was strapped in to the electric chair without a last meal. The switch was pulled, sparks flew, smoke filled the room - and the man was still unharmed. The executioner was speechless.
The man looked at the executioner and said, "Oh, the bananas had nothing to do with it. I'm just a bad conductor."The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2019-05-20 at 1:31 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Malice Metro Edition
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2019-05-19 at 2:38 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Malice Metro Edition
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2019-05-18 at 11:22 AM UTC in Have you ever had a paranormal experience?The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2019-05-10 at 6:14 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Malice Metro EditionHamdle me
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2019-05-10 at 1:56 AM UTC in I'm going to commit a felony tomorrow...Back in 2004, before ATM skimming was as well-known by the general populace as it is now, a friend and I were constructing a skimmer ourselves.
We modified the card reader to fit on the card slot. We set up a tiny spy cam so that it would blend in with the rest of the ATM (for monitoring the PIN). We staked out ATM's and watched them to determine how often they were refilled, how many customers used them during peak hours, and how much money each would take out on average.
Man, we were gonna be hella rich. We estimated, conservatively, like a $100,000 return for a single night... Potentially way more... And if we did it at multiple ATM's (most likely in different cities), we'd have cleared a million in no time.
But then, being barely out of our teenage years, we got into some petty rivalry over something stupid, and everything fell to pieces.
I like to reminisce, tho.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2019-05-09 at 11:32 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Malice Metro EditionSounds like they'd be more for playing pretend miniature clay guitar riffs.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2019-05-09 at 12:41 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Malice Metro EditionMade an order on Empire yesterday.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2019-05-08 at 11:28 PM UTC in Denver just decriminalized Magic Mushrooms.Holy shit, I'm proud of humans on this one.
Meth next please.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2019-05-08 at 2:54 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Malice Metro Edition
Originally posted by mmQ Og my God staying perpetually drunk is not my gimmick. I took 45 shots of old crow at work today and then my boss showed up (on his day off) and I had to act like I was normal (but i didnt ) it's just exhausting
Old Crow? You're better than that. Pay the extra $1-$2 a fifth and get Evan Williams instead.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2019-05-08 at 4:01 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Malice Metro EditionThe following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2019-05-08 at 3:57 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Malice Metro EditionYou should smoke meth, it really clears the sinuses.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2019-05-07 at 11:37 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Malice Metro EditionThe following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2019-05-07 at 7:18 PM UTC in So it's ramadan this month. That means I'm fasting for 30 days.
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2019-05-07 at 4:33 PM UTC in This is the thread where Daddy Issues and Polecat kiss and make-up...Tbh DH sounds like a fucking soap opera. The totse drama was a drop in the bucket comapred to the constant, Game of Thrones-eqsue intrigue and backstabbing going on with you niggas.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2019-05-07 at 1:25 PM UTC in don't try stealing from walmartThe following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2019-05-07 at 1:18 PM UTC in don't try stealing from walmart
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2019-05-06 at 5:16 AM UTC in My ex wifeTypical bitch.
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2019-05-06 at 5:09 AM UTC in My ex wifeHuh, wonder if that's the real Nero. User number suggests it is
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2019-05-05 at 4:46 PM UTC in Do you think that it's strange, or creepy, that Risir already moved from Germany to the United States, after only...I cant imagine ever being pissed off or jealous or bothered that someone else is living their life, finding love and fulfillment...or just getting laid. Maybe thats just me though. Even if it was a chick i was really into. Generally i just want people to do well..unless theyre assholes. And i dont feel like more for someone else means less for me. Its not a zero sum game. Theres other thinmgs you can do, other people, other adventures. And if nothing else, you can just act like a normal human being and end up tagging her later on. lol. Then again, its taken me a long time to become the zen master i am today.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
