so the other day I was walking through the park wearing my steel toed boots and what other voice do i hear but that of MISTAH FAB
so I was like no way is that really mistah fab there must be some black people blasting music or some shit but then i saw a stage so i went over there and i'll be goddamned, mistah fab was up there rapping. there were only like 30 people in attendance and literally every single one of them was black except for me and one soccer mom looking lady which i'm not really sure what she was doing there. i realized it was some event for poor people since this was kinda in the hood (where POD talks about southtown)
anyways he started talking about how you should kick your addictions which i related to because i was actually a little dopesick from the PST WD and then looked around and was like YO I LOOK AROUND AND I DONT SEE NO POLICE PRESENT THAT MEANS WE GOVERNING OURSELVES AND WE ALL COME FROM THE SAME STRUGGLE, WE ALL BLACK *looks around, til his head reaches me* EVEN IF YOU WHITE THE STRUGGLE IS DIFFERENT BUT THE PAIN IS THE SAME. and i was like lmao, he only said that because of the one white person here.
anyways i stayed for the last few of his songs and then i went home and withdrew.
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I hadn't done shard in like a little over a month. It wasn't really hard to stop but a couple days ago I was walking back home from somewhere and got a craving out of the blue. I deleted all the dealers I knew numbers off my phone, and knew that it's probably not a good idea to try to get some anyways, but I was coming up on some real sketchy blocks that crackheads frequent, so I told myself that I'd take the 30 bucks cash that I had on me, and offer it to someone for like a half g or something, if they had it then and there and ready to go and no "i gotta take the money to meet this dude i promise i'll be back in an hour" shit. And if I didn't see any sketchy people on the way home or they didn't have it or weren't willing then I would just go home and smoke a bunch of weed. I was pretty sure that this was not going to happen so I wouldn't be doing any.
Then as I walked I saw this old crackhead homeless dude with all his shit laid out on the sidewalk sitting near this other dude who looked like he was pretty intelligent but also a convict and meth addict. The older dude seemed pretty out of it but the younger guy seemed more calm minded and able to deal with things so I figured he would be my best shot. So I went up and kneeled down and just said hey i don't wanna bother you but if anyone wants to sell me like 15 bucks of shard I'd give you 30 if you have it right now. The younger dude didn't say anything, but the older crackhead said he had some but I was a little skeptical because sometimes he made no sense. So I was like cool can i get it then and I got the money right now. And he started not making sense and babbling, after a minute of that I was like hey dude I'm sorry but if you don't have it then I gotta go, and the dude got all mad and shit and was like HOLD ON I GOTTA CLEAN OFF MY GLASSES FIRST. At this point I was pretty sure that whatever this guy was doing, he didn't really have any shard, but I figured there's no harm in giving him another couple minutes.
Then he slowly walked over to this container he had sitting nearby and brought it over and showed me he had a good amount of H, crack, and shard in there. He was fucked up and showing it off to me. I didn't see how much H or crack there was exactly because the baggies were half concealed by the pocket they were in, but he pulled out a bag of probably at least 6 grams of what looked like some decent shit. He started bitching that I didn't have anything to put it in, so I just laid down this post it note I had in my pocket and he was like NAH IT'S TOO SMALL. It was kinda funny so I laughed and he got irritated and finally he let me get away with using a 1 dollar bill to wrap it in.
Then, I'm not sure why, but he pulled out a decent sized shard (actually it weighed to almost exactly 2 g's), spilling probably 300-400 mg of it on his pants and the concrete, and gave it to me. I told him he dropped some because it was a significant amount kinda and he got mad at me again and told him not to disrespect him and I was like alright cool thanks man. Then I got home and it was really good and now I hate everything.
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There should be a place for trusted members to list sources for things. Something like how /r/rcsources used to have a trusted vendor list. We could list on there sources for Crouton and other things. You'd need to be a well established member of the community to view it though. Now that I am typing this out it sounds like too much hassle to be worth it, but w/e.
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alternate thread title: i've been domestically abused/dying of an infection
Anyways, a couple days ago I noticed part of the edge of my upper left lip hurt a little bit. I've been bingeing on opiates, weed, benzos, caffeine and nicotine for like 4 days now so it's possible some of the pain was dulled then, but this morning I woke up feeling relatively sober after a long time and the shit seems to have gotten worse, it's swollen and fucking hurts. I took some more poppy seed tea so the pain should subside soon hopefully but maybe not and it might be an infection that kills me idk. The other possibility is that my gf said a couple days ago we were having sex and she thought she accidentally hit me and saw some blood but I was just fucked up/having sex so maybe I didn't realize? The problem is that I can't tell if it's gotten worse or just hurts more because the drugs wore off. I should know soon though when the drugs hit me though, I'll keep u all updated.
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These days I think not enough people have been taking the time out of their busy days to appreciate the complex yet delicate, but at the same time overwhelming sense of self hatred that is placed inside each and every one of us by our creator at the time of conception. This, to me, is a damned shame. We were are all unique, we were all given our own personalities, so that the hatred you have for yourself is a unique one. Unless you are some sort of well known or infamous person, not many people will ever get the chance to know you and dislike you. And for most people that are not total assholes, probably only a few people will ever hate them.
You get to spend your whole life with yourself, and nobody knows yourself like yourself. Think about it. What do families do over time? The couples eventually grow somewhat apart while keeping each other occupied just enough so that they are not crushed by loneliness. The children eventually move away. The more time you spend around your family, the more you hate them, and the more you want to get away from them. But you are stuck with yourself your whole life, you can't get away from yourself. You may find a few hours or even a few days relief in drugs or some other vice, but you will need to be there to deal with yourself when you come down.
There is no getting away from it, everyone gets to feel it and everyone's self hatred is unique and different. To get to know someone intimately is to know the things they hate about themselves. To be vulnerable is to allow others to see the parts of you you hate. The individuality and intensity of it and the desires it spurns are strange when you think about it.
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hop out the drop top smellin like poppy seed hop out the drop top girl and give me what i need hop out the drop top smellin like a bunch of weed hop out the drop top girl you gonna watch me bleed
my name is greenplastic and i came to make bitches cum got a bottle of ghb in the gucci bag with my gun girl i said i been on the run been on the run since the day you said we were done
girl you know these other bitches on my dick but they aint rich those hoes aint rich so ima stick to it
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I cucked myself hard gents. 5 years down the drain, 5 years of lying to myself and allowing myself to be lied to, 5 years of drug abuse. 5 years of failing out of school and 5 years of losing all your friends because you're too skinny and twitchy and weird. 5 years of trying to do what I thought I was supposed to. 5 years of shit and trash and abuse. 5 years of proving to myself I'm not fit, don't have the skills to interact in a meaningful way.
But now I have a new start.
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I took some clonazolam yesterday and I was watching munchies on youtube and this one bitch had a video where she made tonkatsu. For those that don't know tonkatsu is that fried breaded pork that is in Japanese food like coco's.
There's this place called coco's that is really good and you can get that and it has curry sauce all over it and also whatever other vegetables you want, and you can choose the spiciness level from 0-10 and it gets spicy as fuck. Anyways there's always these ethnic food shops and people want authentic but the whole point of my restaurant will be that it's not authentic, we don't give a fuck about culture we just eat sushi with our bare hands and in two bites because it's good and we're high. Also I bet soaking the pork chops in sauerkraut brine for 24 hours instead of just salt brine would be dank as fuck although you'd probably have some mr.miyagi bastard come out and start telling you how you're disrespectful for making their food better. It's not my fault I make better food than your entire culture over thousands of years, sorry old man but that's the way of the world.
Anyways this place specializes in rice and tonkatsu and then other things like asparagus and mozzarella sticks. The house specialty will be tomato and asparagus curry on pork tonkatsu with onions on it as well, with all this thrown on top of rice and tons of curry sauce. It cost only a few bucks to make but I sell it for $13. Also we don't sell alcohol because alcohol is for faggots and talking really loudly is not permitted but smoking weed inside is permitted. We also sell caffeinated lemonade for $4.
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for a while now when im on my pc the internet will be intermittent. like it will work for a few minutes then all of a sudden it just wont be able to load a simple 1995 style geocities style site at all for a minute then it comes back. but my laptop works fine. the fucks at the internet company told me it was my modem or some shit so they gave me a different one to use but it's just doing the same shit. also when i plug the ethernet cable in to the pc, it still has the issue. so it's either spectral hacking me to rootkit my cpu and use it to DDOS lanny's mailbox, or maybe jedi made ray guns shooting waves through my apt to disrupt my internet so that i am coerced into giving them more money, i think there's a possibility it could be like my network card or some shit, like once my ram came loose and all i had to do to fix it was snap that shit back in. but i don't really know that much about computers or network cards and i'm pretty sure they don't even make those anymore. i haven't tried it though so if anyone with some CPU knowledge could clue me in that would be awesome. thx
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