2+ hours over the toilet contemplating suicide. Thanks a lot, Lanny. I still feel sick.
2016-12-30 at 8:53 AM UTC
in
drug addiction
Ephedrine and meth don't blink fillers out of existence, man.
Noticed Kroger had some diet tonic water so I decided to make a low quality/cost gin and tonic (Lanny). Not bad, I expected there to be a high chance that it would taste revolting. *sigh* Aww yea, time to get red in the cheeks and try to momentarily forget all about the lifelong torture that is identity. Man, this is the stuff. Wine's too weak now.
Was looking through some dispensary menus and First Hemp Bank in Oakland has ACDC, a high CBD strain ('bout a 20:1 ratio, IIRC), for only $35/8th. I want that.
Oh, riiiight the marks on these plastic cups are at 4 ounces. I'm not even done with this. Of course I'm gonna finish it and go for seconds.
Inhibition, anxiety, physical and, to some extent, psychological detachment. No wonder alcohol is a drug of choice for suicide. According to Vonnegut (Like he's an authority (I need to maintain the appearance of being cool and elitist)) “Do you realize that all great literature is all about what a bummer it is to be a human being? Isn't it such a relief to have somebody say that?” Man, imagine an IRL group session about why we all wanna blow our brains out, except it's not about petty inane (intra)personal problems, it's about all the ideological/philosophical reasons to kill yourself. This world is just so fucking bad, if you ever have children you genuinely deserve to be tortured for all eternity, or at least a very long period of time. I need more alcohol if I'm thinking and feeling (this).
Man I needed that fucking drink. I'll be damned if I'm going to take a break from cannabis and alcohol at the same time. Seems 5 days on 2 off is a good schedule for me, otherwise negative effects begin to accrue and the overall experience becomes unpleasant.
I had a thought about identity and how our most joyous moments, being in a state of "flow", which brought to mind a post Lanny made about his most enjoyable stretches of time being when he's on a programming streak and the awkward period that ensues when he regains awareness of himself. Moments in the past when I would become so lost in thought that when I surfaced the absurdity of existence, existing within this body, in this time and place, all by chance. "I exist." And of course there's the powerful experience of ego loss and a feeling of unity with all of reality, which can occur during powerful psychedelic experiences.
What does it suggest about reality that the moments when we forget who we are and become action in motion, almost akin to the emanation of a principle, the principle of creation, of turning language into creation, physical manifestation of our thoughts and desires, playing the symphony of life via the rudimentary aspects of physical reality, which appears to be more of a burden than it is a gift, a sign of a cursed world that arose without meaning, are the moments when we attain the highest levels of experience?
The wisest men throughout the ages, even Nietzsche, who attempted the affirmation of life while we are trapped by it, have come to same conclusion about existence: It is ultimately and profoundly a horror. And that is why we drink.
He looks kind of pudgy and unremarkable, tbh. Hitler wouldn’t have wanted him.
Do it, Bill Krozby, do it.
If you're likely going to get canned eventually anyway you should convince two online loli friends to meet up with you, you paying for everything, and have a threesome with them. You'll regret it for the rest of your life if you don't take this chance now.
I hope you finally get sent to prison, sploo.
Abolitionists were the privileged BLM SJW’s of their time, hated white people, and caused the civil war.
Gotta love that revisionist history.
Oh, and the Hershey Kisses should be on your nipples, with you shirtless.
2016-12-29 at 8:36 AM UTC
in
i think i must be psychotic
Hey, Lanny kind of looks like Bert.
