Thinking about this now comforts me because if I do ever see signs of ageing I'll probably stop smoking. I quit for two years when the closest person to me was a med student, the closest person to me has a lot of influence. We'll have to see if I live long enough to see signs of ageing though. I feel due for a stroke any day bcus of the Monster.
I used to be an alcoholic for real, went to AA meetings. Every fucking day because my ex gf was one and she didn't want to drink alone everyday. I was a teetotaller before I met her, I always needed to feel in control of myself. Then I found I'm more myself when I'm drunk. It didn't make me a misanthrope like my dad, it made me a sociable extrovert. Anyway I decided to quit solely because I care more about my appearance. Stimulants are what got me off it. I've always needed a substitute and for years that's been coke and Monster, but those things are killing me. I would drop Monster instantly if I found a better substitute. There was a time I walked into the store and felt repulsion toward the Monster section so I went to get beer instead. Ik I can find it repulsive, I just need to find a substitute before I die from it.
...Change of environment also works. I've noticed my habits and routines and what I eat daily change when I'm in different places.
Wondering what I'm gonna have for dinner now there's no chance I can cut a lamb leg safely.
I'm drinking from a plastic cup bcus of the previous nights of broken glass
I'd say 7 UK units in the first glass. 2 units is tipsy for most women. 5 is on the floor. Me and my light-coloured eyes are more immune.
I'm really drunk. Made the mistake of putting too much gin in the first glass. I'm gonna want to sip more for awhile augh.
I can't wrap my head around why they're so scared. They need to grow so they only need the approval of themselves.
The men here are cowards.
Myers was prepared to stand up for me but I let him go. There's no point dragging him in.
I feel like I don't need supporters either but it still bugs me when it seems people are too cowardly to speak out. The quickest way out of the bullying cycle is to make friends but I haven't been that motivated.
NIS would be more of a hell-hole without women. It's actually women whom drive civilisation. Men would be barbaric without their presence.
Suprised at the difference my skin routine made. I looked like a meth addict before. My anxiety still hasn't gone down after petting a cat, some kind of exercise and gin.
Wondering why male love interests in literature are so different from men. Were men different in the past and have just devolved now or is this the product of the male psyche women supposedly have.
Thinking about the lipsticks I haven't used in six years because I'm still scared of looking worse with makeup on.
