It’s almost 5am and I hope I sleep through tomorrow because I’m dreading it but I can’t or I’ll be in so much shit
It’s meant to be half 2 in the morning but the clock reads half 9 it just spooked me for a second because it looks like the clock has mirrored. I just woke up thought I was in a mirror world
I just woke up, going to make waffles and worry about tomorrow.
2022-02-07 at 1:14 AM UTC
in
Do you get aggravated easily?
I feel like there’s no in between, either always angry or calm, and anger is bad for your health. What stopped me from being angry was the idea that other people could be okay, but that just leads to being trampled on. I’ll still become violent if anyone touches me so it’s just waiting for them to do that I guess.
2022-02-06 at 7:57 PM UTC
in
;_;
Does anyone wanna watch a movie on Hyperbeam in a few hours?
Woke up, drinking wine now
I can’t sleep and don’t feel like listening to an audiobook
It may seem like I’m obsessed but I’m not, I was never even in love, but this place reminds me of my past which reminds me of her. I will probably forget some things.
So 2016, met a girl online that’s autistic, we were only together for two weeks, I ended it which made her furious. Though her relationships do usually last two weeks. I read her online diary, there she talked about hitting a baby’s head off a wall repeatedly when she was a child, experimented on her dog and dragged it by its legs because it didn’t love her, also talked about how she manipulated guys. This is when I started drinking, she didn’t want to drink alone every day. I met up with her irl, didn’t realise what I was doing til I was on the train. I’m gonna skip parts cuz we’ve met so many times, but I masturbated that first time.
2018 she wanted to be incest sisters and phoned the hotel I was at saying she was my sister. This is also the girl that poured acid over her own hand and got raided by police and her terrorist stuff was found.
I was a trainwreck, going to A&E often, did coke in the airport then got special assistance to walk me through so people would think I was mental instead of on drugs. Crazy stuff just seemed normal. I was a missing person because I escaped A&E, then detained by police because they marked me as a missing person, I remember shouting at them coked up because I was going to miss the last train to the airport, do they ended up delaying the train and I got home.
More about her: She had a boyfriend and he was staying in her house all worried because she told him she was in hospital, but really she was in a hotel room fucking somebody else.
Summer 2020. She was there for me when my dad died, I couldn’t leave the UK because of lockdown so I ended up going over there, we were cuddling and she kissed me. Her ex boyfriend was also there and we liked each other instantly, so we ran off together and were happy, I think we got together because no one else will understand what happened unless you were there. Anyway she smashed his tv, supposedly accused him of rape just to get a lift home with police (wouldn’t surprise me) and threw a brick through her other friend’s window. She wants to meet me but I haven’t had a chance, I can’t be friends with them both.
I feel like maybe I was crazy in the past but am fine now. I just hope that person doesn’t resurface.
I’m thinking about how meaningless it was, the relationship started in 2016 and they’re still in my life, both irl and online, but what was the meaning of the stuff that happened irl. I can’t make sense of the memories.
I think I’m gonna start wearing red eyeshadow everyday
