Kinda wanna stay in Belfast because it’s Saturday night but I’m craving my fav food at the diner at home. :s
In the clinic now. Wondering if they have full length mirrors and bad lighting in the waiting room on purpose.
Pretty excited about getting microneedling today. There’s a chance it can break down my dermal fillers faster which I’m okay with because I intend to get more and starting with a blanker slate would probably be better. I don’t hate how they look but you can tell something’s off when only one side of my face looks natural.
I guess it sucks I can’t let people irl get close to me, can’t let them know all the crazy shit from my past.
The girl who I think likes me, I can’t spell her name but it sounds like Jules. She’s not the one I made friends with, that was some Tim Burton fan, there’s lots of them in Belfast, being a goth is kind of basic there. Anyway Jules seems like a normie but the type that listens to Radiohead. I got the impression she was boring but intelligent.
Raging I’m at the cure concert now and didn’t even dress goth. I want to cry
Thinking that I don’t know who I am, why does all the stuff I’ve done seem normal to me? Did I go crazy or have I always been this way. Why am I so detached from it?
Idk why I’m so hungry these days. Usually two meals and one snack is enough. Today I had salmon with wheaten bread and a smoothie for breakfast, a sausage roll, crisps and Softmints on the way to Belfast, one slice of pizza and some chips at lunch time, now I’m in KFC with four pieces of chicken and chips, later at the concert I will likely have a burger and beer. It’s okay because I’m skinny, I don’t have to worry about bingeing every now and then.
I’m proud of myself for pulling off a Wednesday Addams vibe today when I’m not even wearing goth clothes :3
I think this girl likes me
I guess I’ve been worried that parts of my current persona will also become a shadow as I try to fit in with society. I feel like I’m repressing parts of myself here at Nis as well.
My dreams have been different lately in that there’s no real story line but a lot of details of the environment I’m in and a sense that my brain is decaying. In one there was a warning that if I kept healing myself with hypnosis then my shadow self will be free.
I’m going to space out in a cafe now and sip my Monster.
Everyone here looks like they belong in a movie
I made a friend. She said I look like Wednesday Addams even though I’m not wearing that dress today
I have to be out the door in half an hour and am having a breakdown
