I need to get organised, am too much in my head.
I might go to a festival...
I have to sort clothes today then before I leave I'd like to go swimming in the sea and leave flowers at my dad's grave. I still have some things to destroy in case I die.
I'm so chaotic when it comes to planning travel like somehow it always works out but I never have a plan. Anyway I have a list of 21 things I want to do, am going in a few days and haven't actually made booksing for the stuff. I don't want to be going back and forward between cities. I don't really want to have every day planned in detail but am trying that for the first time, otherwise there'll be days I won't do anything.
It freaks me out when your subconscious reprograms you at night like there's nothing you can do. What if tomorrow when I wake up I have feelings for her because my subconscious thinks its in my best interest? It's like not having free will and I am trying to hold on to that because at the start I knew I didn't want a relationship with her fuck off subconscious.
Feel like I'm gonna be sick because my dream just came back to me and it was about cuddling with Jade. I really don't want anything to happen with us because even if we did get into a relationship I know she isn't the one so it would be a waste of time.
I slept for five hours so I will be crabby all day. Right now I'm just waiting for a food place to open.
2023-06-18 at 3:07 AM UTC
in
New inclusivity idea
Maybe I would have belonged at TOTSE but not here with you people. I will never post a thoughtful thread again or try to contribute in a positive way. I don't belong anywhere and am only still here so I can talk to myself and get that out of my system instead of bothering people who matter.
Idk what the voices in my head are, I don't feel attached to them and it's spontaneous, they're shouting at each other.
When I was 14 I remember wanting to die at 22 because I thought that was old. Ig I'm okay now bcus I've been getting Botox since I was 22, but if I ever do show ageing I will probably jump. I think it's OCD as well.
I don't see myself getting old, I'm way too vain. I don't think I'll reach 30.
Thinking about all the times I've fallen down stairs because of aspie clumsiness. What will happen to me if I ever become elderly?
2023-06-17 at 10:12 PM UTC
in
Do It!!
I wish I had grey eyes sometimes, or blue. Mine are green with amber at the centre, I love them when they look bright amber but hate them when they're green. So idk if I want contacts.
