Posts by Lanny

1. 2016-01-22 at 5:37 AM UTC in Sum yourself up in 3 sentences, then evaluate the poster above you.
   

   Lanny Bird of Courage

   Also, your avatar is like the worst Deep Dream picture ever.

   
   Never knew what these things were called. Freak me the fuck out though, don't like em
2. 2016-01-22 at 5:33 AM UTC in I am the last Poster
   

   Lanny Bird of Courage

   

   
   I'm srs. When have I ever even suggested I'm not proud of my culture?
3. 2016-01-22 at 5:31 AM UTC in The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first edition
   

   Lanny Bird of Courage

   Lanny, do you ever feel negatively about being alone?

   
   That's an interesting question. When I was a kid I spent a lot of time alone, most of it with computers. I remember my mom periodically asking me if I was lonely, I genuinely didn't have the subjective experience of feeling negatively when alone so I always said I didn't know. I'm still not sure I know. I've never had a particular emotional longing for company, by and large boredom is my singular source of displeasure and I've been able to self-entertain since I learned the internet was a thing. So I'm tempted to say no.
   
   On the other hand I was kind of an unhappy kid. Even for a good chunk of college I was, uhh, not depressed per se but I just didn't feel any "magic", one day was much like the next and I didn't particularly care about any of them, almost all the elements of my existence felt like a slog. And the emotional high points of my life have almost always coincided with comparatively more human interaction but it's never felt causative (that is to say I've never felt that having more people in my life makes me happier, but being happier tends to coincide with with people in my life). I think to an extent it's the platonic ideal of other people that's more important to me personally than individuals.
   
   Sartre said some interesting things about the nature of "the other", like the realization of oneself as an object of perception for another consciousness. He was kinda grim about it, he said being perceived like that reduced us to less than our subjective experience. I kinda think the opposite is the case, the full acknowledgement of an equal subjectivity in others is profound. Whatever motivations we have ourselves, they are as strong or stronger in others. I think I posted about how I get along with my younger cousin pretty well, like when I interact with her I see the psychology of a full person but one which is obviously better attuned to the experience of happiness than my own. And that's pretty crazy right? That's like another thing which is even more real, even more worthwhile than me, and being me is the experiential limit on how profound things can get (you can't experience greater profundity than what the profundity that you experience). With whatever conviction I pursue my own goals, if I am to suppose any sort of objectivity in reasoning, then I should proportionally feel even greater conviction in the defense/advancement of the interests of those who are capable of greater happiness.
   
   Anyway, I guess the gist is no, I've never felt negatively about being alone, although I feel profoundly positive about supporting, helping others.
   
   

   I never would have imagined it, but I've come to realize that at this point I hate being alone. I feel I've had enough solitude for a lifetime. The problem is finding the right person to live with, under the right living arrangements.

   
   Is that really the problem though? Most people will call the familial relationship satisfying, or at least important, and yet it's essentially random assignment. One person isn't that different from the next, "finding the right person" isn't so much about seeking out some objective quality in the world embodied in another organism as it is about cultivating the appropriate attitude in oneself.
   
   There's some word in ancient greek that's generally translated to "cultivate" and I wish I knew what it was. We don't have a good analogue in English but it's so commonly used by the ancients it's obvious it's own word/phrase and the nuance of the meaning is lost in a literal reading of "cultivate". Like you have to read a bunch of crazy ass dead greeks before you get what it means (presumably knowing greek would enable the same). The decision to translate some words versus others is interesting. Like "eudaimonia" is most commonly translated into "wellbeing" but modern translators usually leave it as eudaimonia because it means something subtly different. Whatever we translate into cultivate should have been the same, I'd argue the ancients' usage of it is more different from "cultivate" than wellbeing is from eudaimonia. Anyway, the point is to go cultivate the ability to enjoy the company of others in yourself rather than trying to seek out the ideal roommate or whatever.
   
   And of course there's this whole ritual of you being like "I'm lonely" and me being like "hey, wanna hang out or whatever" and you being like "nahhhhh" and me being mildly embarrassed for offering in the first place (the occupy incident being perhaps the most amusing embodiment of this). Bue regardless, my sense of martyrdom will almost always trump my sense of shame so if you ever actually get to the point of being able to do things with people I go to concerts or movies or whatever on a weekly basis and you're always welcome to join in with me and the rest of society in having fun.
   
   

   Also, do you regret being sent to the shitty school you went to and not really having people you could relate with, really being challenged and engaged? What if you had had the opportunity to go to a school for the gifted, a gifted and talented program, having been able to meet unique people you could really relate to and engage with, this unique intellectual atmosphere. Do you feel resentment for how much better those years of your life could have been? Although you ended up turning out well.

   
   Another interesting question! I've thought about this a lot, although not usually from the angle of "I went to school with dunces". The most common case is when I think about my asian friends who had tiger moms, almost all of them can play an instrument pretty damn well and that's a skill I really do envy. I have a lot of fun with my generative music but I always feel like I could do better if I had a background in real music theory rather than the random collection of tidbits I make use of. So I frequently have this experience of being like "damn, I wish my parents had pressured me into learning violin or whatever".
   
   But then on closer inspection I ask people like this, who acquired skills through parental pressure, if they actively maintain those skills. If they enjoy doing so. And the answer is almost always no to one or both of those. I dickride existentialists a lot, I did in this post. I basically professed my homosexual love for Camus in post or two back. But on a deep level I think there's something to be said for natural inclinations, for essential properties of persons. Kinda like the idea of a "calling". I'm really only any good at one thing but when I think about why, like when I look at my own reasons for doing it, for becoming good at it, I can't help but feel like it's an inextricable element of my nature. Like I could never have been otherwise. I think that if my parents had forced anything else down my throat, if I had gone to a magnet school or something, I might have become technically competent at other things but the intimate ritual, the nearly spiritual connection I have with my one defining skill, there's nothing in my past that could have changed that. No matter how much I worked at it I never could have been as good of a musician or biologist or anything else as I am as a code monkey.
   
   So I guess the answer is no, I don't regret time spent with juvenile delinquents. If anything the general freedom I had as a youth to make bad decisions, to pick what I wanted to do, to be a lazy shit instead of being challenged helped me find the one thing I could be happy doing. There's that story about Psamtik having a child be raised by mutes in order to discover what the "natural language" was, that is the language a child would develop in the absence of other speakers. If that ever actually happened (doubtful) the child would of course simply failed to develop language. But I think there's something to be said for not trying to "challenge" people. If there is anything worth spending human effort on then each person should be able to come to the conclusion that that challenge, the challenge they personally accept of their own volition and as part of their nature, is the appropriate one.
   
   

   pm me a vendor
   etizy are fags now because they only accept bulk orders when I used to be able to get a 10 strip for like 6 dollars

   
   BY sells in bulk these days, I bought 5g a while ago and dose it volumetrically. Purposechem is the best price I've seen at that volume but they seem perpetually out of stock. spade@riseup sells at low volume for reasonable prices although I've yet to successfully order from him (stock issues, no reason to think he's not trustworthy but no reason yet to think he is either).
4. 2016-01-21 at 8:28 AM UTC in The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first edition
   

   Lanny Bird of Courage
   Ye mang, I've got a thing for stims but there's a pretty clear upper bound on how much "100% on" I can enjoy in a day so it's actually self regulating to a degree, even a bender has to come down eventually. Sedation/anxiolysis is something I can drag out for days, stumbling around, pretty much as long as I can speak without sluring no one seems to be able to tell I'm about 5 minutes from passing out at my desk.
   
   Pretty rare that it actually gets that bad but the fact that it can get to that point without any external intervention is concerning.
5. 2016-01-21 at 7:49 AM UTC in Smoking Weed On bundy-- The highest person in the world.
   

   Lanny Bird of Courage
   Not in fetal position. Jaw not clenched to the point of feeling like your teeth are going to break. Not even that high.
6. 2016-01-21 at 7:42 AM UTC in I'm four standard deviations better at drums since trying substance D
   

   Lanny Bird of Courage
   ~~ woah man ~~
   
   ~~ let's drop some death ~~
   
   old peoples view of drugs is fascinating sometimes (PKD in this case). I remember a conversation with my grandmother, who thinks I don't even drink, she read about some random story in the LA times about some guy who took a lot of PCP and went on a rampage through some poor black neighborhood with a golfclub. Her comment to me was "drugs are so pervasive in youth culture today, it gets really dangerous when they start combining the uppers and downers" which like, OK, fair enough I guess, not strictly wrong even though I kinda forgot people used the terms uppers and downers, but where my grandma came to form this opinion (or where PKD formed his) will forever remain a mystery to me.
7. 2016-01-21 at 7:32 AM UTC in I'm so fucking mad right now.
   

   Lanny Bird of Courage

   Being a polymath is actually very liberating. Even if my skills are "bad" to other people. Also, you, like most of the people that listen to my music simply are unlucky for clicking the few bad tracks.
   Here is some reality punch for you.
   
   http://sperglords.bandcamp.com/track/hey-bulldog-the-burnouts

   
   Not sure I'd call you a "polymath" but if you really feel that way then that's cool. I sometimes go back and forth on the necessity of external validation. I often then it's not necessary, dependency on it is nurtured and largely harmful but then you go to TRT and see Malice and remember we can't reason well independently, that social validation is a check on personal fetishism, obsession. Still, I doubt anyone could make good art who wasn't willing to forgo approval for its sake.
   
   inb4 "fuck off lanny you faggot", I thrive on your hate. Being your despised fanboy is strangely satisfying to my submissive masochism.
8. 2016-01-21 at 7:24 AM UTC in I'm so fucking mad right now.
   

   Lanny Bird of Courage
   Hey guiz, what's going on in this thread?
   
   Also zek was/is a buas. Haters gonna hate.
9. 2016-01-21 at 7:19 AM UTC in The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first edition
   

   Lanny Bird of Courage
   Ima be pissed if I end up dependent on etizolam, I don't even like it very much. It just makes rewatching/rereading things more fun (actually does seem to continue without bound, even at fairly low doses there isn't total memory erasure but it disrupts memory formation sufficiently that there's no significant reenforcement after initial exposure, may even go in the other direction, Ghibli stuff has gotten progressively better). It's just a nice sleep aid, end of the day wind down. It's terrible though makes thinking hard and combos well with weed so the two usually go together and pretty much represent a descent to blissful retardation.
10. 2016-01-21 at 6:28 AM UTC in Lanny, you're a mentally deficient pretentious cunt.
    

    Lanny Bird of Courage
    Lanny vagina's those who vagina themselves
11. 2016-01-21 at 6:13 AM UTC in I am the last Poster
    

    Lanny Bird of Courage

    It was offensive because Lanny is a SJW, social marxist, trans-inclusive faggot feminist cuck.

    
    True enough except for the point that "social marxism" is by and large a contrived snarl term no one who knows what they're talking about really identifies with. I'm strongly sympathetic to the faggot feminist cuck cause though.
    
    Anyway, "white dude stumbles into japanese peasant village that somehow has a ton of samurai in it and turns them into a fighting force" is kinda offensive in both directions. Like for one I'm sure even the nips could come up with shields, that whole final battle thing was fucktarded on a lot of levels. And secondly it should be offensive to us, as a western audience. Any plot that involves pretty much the most deeply prejudiced people on earth (the early-modern japs, in case you're wondering) accepting an outsider into their culture as a leader insults our intelligence. It also paints an image of whitey in pre-war japan as some kind of imperialistic force which is, again, a wild misrepresentation of history. Bonus points for gratuitous references to native american genocide.
    
    Cuck fag or not, I'm a westerner and deeply proud of that. Tom Cruise insertion history fic really did no service to my people, or anyone else's for that matter.
12. 2016-01-21 at 4:29 AM UTC in New Star Wars or How JJ Abrams Ruins a Franchise
    

    Lanny Bird of Courage
    I wanted to like Rey, I really did. I'm 100% for a badass tomboy Luke. I guess she is cute. Just such a shit character that I can't handle it though, I fucking wish she got shishkebab'd instead. Mary Sue to end all sues (and fuck all the mental gymnastics that have happened around that term since TFA came out, I could rant for hours about how everybody fucking else gets to cry cultural appropriation but when I want to use a word that's been in my culture for god damned decades and which wasn't gendered until the fucking PC police crusaded into someone else's home and presume to tell us what our own nigger cunting terms mean it's somehow misogyny. Jesus christ, the hypocrisy of the "safe space" rhetoric in light of the systematic denial of expression to certain minorities if they happen to be white and male, fuck, I could hit a bitch).
    
    With two shitty token leads and Poe "worst excuse for a Han substitute ever" Dameron there are exactly two ways Abrams can regain my respect. One is Kylo Ren, TFA's singular likable new character, murders fucking everyone or two, Rey goes darkside and lesbian-side (neither alone would be sufficient at this point) and then mercs everyone. Maybe I'm not so mad at Abrams though, he's usually a lot edgier than this which like, edgy isn't good but it's fucking better than what we got, so I could chalk it up to Disney castrating a nigga but heads gotta roll for this atrocity. I don't think I'm even capable of coming up with a more pussyfooted excuse for a sequel than this. At least the prequels had a villain protagonist.
13. 2016-01-20 at 5:38 PM UTC in I am the last Poster
    

    Lanny Bird of Courage
    Also in retrospect that movie was pretty shitty and mildly offensive to the japanese
14. 2016-01-20 at 5:37 PM UTC in I am the last Poster
    

    Lanny Bird of Courage

    
    
    You look like Tom Cruise, I've always figured. I'm sure I'm right.

    
    
    The shitt CG keyboard is a nice touch
15. 2016-01-20 at 11:19 AM UTC in BEHOLD HE, Bill Krozby, LEADER OF THE FUCC BOi ARMY
    

    Lanny Bird of Courage
    The gratuitous painting really adds a level of class to the photo, I have to say
16. 2016-01-20 at 10:31 AM UTC in The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first edition
    

    Lanny Bird of Courage

    Have you ever, while looking at porn, masturbating, thinking about sex, attempting to attain it (general process involved), or even while engaging in it thought, "This is really stupid. This is the basis of so much of what drives us. Tab A going into slot B. Sperm and egg, genes, traits, heritability, separateness and competition, the gene centric view of evolution.
    
    Pseudo-profound. There's nothing particularly deep, insightful, or novel about any of this, it's been repeated countless times, who knows how far back the first recording occurred. When you're happy you normally don't think about why you're happy, what anything amounts to, the futility, illusion of control etc. I wonder if there's ever been a truly, joyously happy and fulfilled person, devoid of mental illness (Difficult to quantify. Could you commit what I'm suggesting without being mentally ill?), who decided to commit suicide based on pure reason. "I don't want to play this game anymore."

    
    You post at PoC about "before you off yourself you should try MYSTERY_DRUG_OF_THE_WEEK" incessantly, so I feel no guilt in demanding that you, at some point before you die/get yourself committed, read and earnestly try to understand the work of Camus. The Stranger (like an 80 page novella, you can read it in a day), The Myth of Sisyphus (an essay, like a 20 minute read), and some accompaniment resource (textbook, cliffnotes, SEP (the good choice), or even wikipedia) should cover it. This is like a weekend project, maybe less with your autism powers.
    
    Like 90% of what you post in your depressive rants are exactly the problems Camus grappled with. He was a really interesting dude. What we remember about him most is early death, womanizing, and shitflinging with Sarte but he was a really interesting character in a very different way. While we imagine him to be the embodiment of vivacious living, he wasn't just born with an urge to live life to the fullest. His most famous quote is "There is only one really serious philosophical question, and that is suicide" which opens The Myth of Sisyphus. Everything we know about the man suggests he really would have killed himself if, at the end of his philosophical inquiry, he hadn't found any compelling reason to live. If denial of the survival instinct isn't systemization then I don't know what is. Camus was a rational thinker first, and a lover of life second. And yet he seemed genuinely on top of life. He proposes a means by which we can view the world simultaneously honestly (i.e. tremendously wrong in so many ways) and worthwhile (worthy of our attentions, capable of satisfying us on the deepest most meaningful levels). If you don't think that's possible (the gist of pretty much every post you've made) then that's fine but you should actually read the nigger before dismissing the notion. If you're half as much of a robot as you say you are you should have the good sense to do at least that much.
17. 2016-01-20 at 10:10 AM UTC in Sorry if anyone needed me...
    

    Lanny Bird of Courage

    But… you… you… were a woman…
    
    *does not compute*
    *smell of wood burning*

    
    
    http://lmgtfy.com/?q=lesbianism
18. 2016-01-20 at 5:30 AM UTC in The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first edition
    

    Lanny Bird of Courage
    Being gay would be pretty cool. Getting laid would be a lot easier at least.
19. 2016-01-20 at 5:21 AM UTC in stimulant bath sawlts
    

    Lanny Bird of Courage
    MPA is kinda shitty but cheap and easy to find. There may still be some 2-FMA or 4-FMA floating around these days but it's going quick since the ban.
    
    2-FMA was good shit though, I miss the days not so long ago that it was plentiful and cheap. Did some of my best work with that shit.
    
    Feels like all the RCs you can get pretty much suck these days. Guess it's time to either go darkweb shopping or find a pill mill.
20. 2016-01-20 at 4:54 AM UTC in Sorry if anyone needed me...
    

    Lanny Bird of Courage

    PieGirl invoked me.

    
    PieGirl invokes muh dick