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Posts by Lanny
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2016-06-11 at 3:24 AM UTC in Why are cops fundamentally pussies?i_don't_think_that_means_what_you_think_it_means.tiff.tar.gz
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2016-06-10 at 7:23 PM UTC in I'm gonna be fuckin RICH
I'm thinking I'll start bidding at 8 figures and see where it goes from there. -
2016-06-10 at 6:19 AM UTC in Wait, am I the oldest surviving totsean?Also yeah, spectroll's painfully obvious suggestion that he's jeff is the biggest load of shit anyone ever shat
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2016-06-10 at 6:18 AM UTC in Wait, am I the oldest surviving totsean?how old are you? 2004? Did you join when you were like 9 or something?
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2016-06-10 at 6:16 AM UTC in I'm getting my life on tracktacho was a cunt.
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2016-06-10 at 6:14 AM UTC in Parental love and respectForewarning: I'm drunk and this is going to be one of the faggiest threads you'll read this season.
I don't think there's anyone here who's a fully functional adult, I know a lot of people came from shitty unfulfilling homes. I had my share of shitty family circumstance, probably worse than the typical american but better than the average nigga around here. My dad died earlier this year and my mom was diagnosed with cancer recently, objectively my mom's case has a pretty good prognosis but I'm not really sure, on a psychological level, what good medical news sounds like anymore and between the two it's kinda fucked me up.
I never really had an oedipal struggle, my dad had some issues (brain damage) a few years after I was born and I realized I was his intellectual and physical better before I was a teenager, we both worked in the family business when I was in highschool so it really brought that fact to the foreground. We got along fine besides pretty mundane squabbles (we used to fight bitterly about what radio station we'd have on when driving to work/school). He never told me how he felt about the situation, he always tried really hard to be a good father but I can't help but imagine it made him feel deficient. I have some strong regrets around situations where I felt some stupid need to assert my independence, teenage rebellion I guess, and I'm sure I hurt him in doing so. It's fucked up that I stepped on a human being, much less my own father, for that. My ego wasn't worth that, isn't worth shit, I wish I had seen that at the time.
In contrast to that my mom raised me on her own until I was 16, she really went above and beyond what you can ask of a parent. She was raised in small town america, in a very christian family, and embodied the protestant work ethic (although she gave up the metaphysics) more strongly than anyone I've ever met save for her father who was a farmer who spent his life toiling in the fields, the very definition of salt of the earth. Patient beyond reason she broke her back to provide for me. She's a funny sort of smart; witty, well educated, very well read, knowledgeable, but fundamentally lacking the calculating and detached disposition that characterizes an intellectual. It takes me aback sometimes, occasionally she'll think of or know things that never even occur to me, truly "outmaneuver" me in argument, but when I press the conclusion she's convinced me of she'll simply deny it if it involves some sort of selfishness or manipulation. The uncanny ability to play the game that I consider my own, yet the willingness to pull back from it as soon as it goes somewhere other than where intended, it honestly unnerves me at times.
She, like her father, is a farmer at heart while I guess I never picked up that ethos. Which brings us to the point here, what I turned into a crying little bitch making a drunkpost over. I don't know how to tell my mom that I respect her. I never had a problem telling my parents that I love them, I did it every time I talked to them. But my mom is a fundamentally humble person, she, like me (or rather, I, like her), receives praise really fucking poorly and it turns awkward fast. I didn't really have anything I wanted to tell my dad before he died, I believe we both understood where we stood. But my mother is broken in the same way I am, I'm convinced she feels guilt over various things in her past, not being able to provide certain material goods for me, petty trivial breaks in her parental countenance. I want more than anything to tell her that I don't forgive her because there is fundamentally nothing to forgive, I just don't know how. To make matters worse I feel like saying any of this exposes my own neurotic, deficient soul. How can you tell your parent that you're a broken human being? How could they not take that as a personal failing? I want to say I dug my own grave, that my failings are my own doing, but I know I'd never believe that from my own child, I'd think it was me who was responsible and I know my mom is the same flavor or neurotic that I am.
tl;dr: how do you tell someone you respect them when they're so very much like you and you don't respect yourself? -
2016-06-10 at 4:29 AM UTC in The functional addict,I learned the other day that my grandpa did benzedrex in college to study for tests. I was blown away. Nigga is like mid 70s, he drank heavily for a number of years but is convinced drugs are a government scheme by the mexicans to invade america or something and he was chewing on inhalers to get his academic game one. It's like some full cycle shit up in this bitch.
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2016-06-10 at 4:23 AM UTC in A visuo-audial analogous representation of the soundness and ingenuity of the...Hey man, Bill Krozby has a few hundred dollars under his mattress. Bill Krozbydogs is going to happen
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2016-06-10 at 4:21 AM UTC in I have an addiction/ disorderBill Krozby, you wouldn't know what normality was if it fucked you in the ass
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2016-06-10 at 4:17 AM UTC in Getting a new job"a tattoo of my dead cat"
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2016-06-10 at 4:13 AM UTC in How I perceive users on niggasinspace soundingEvery voice sounded was either high or normal, there was no actual variation in the timbre there.
I tried like 5 times to mimic dissociator's voice but I can't go that low. -
2016-06-10 at 4:07 AM UTC in Wait, am I the oldest surviving totsean?tsunoobie I'm afraid. I feel like a kid.
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2016-06-09 at 7:17 AM UTC in I'm getting my life on trackcodependency, wooo!
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2016-06-09 at 5:16 AM UTC in Alcohol sucks, seriously...Alcohol is a wonderful drug. Sure, you blow through the euphoria phase pretty quick and it stops being "fun" but it is the medicine that treats fuck life syndrome. When society inevitability compels you to act in the farce that is modern life you can refuse, live in a cabin in alaska and lose progressively more of your leg to frostbite each year, you can twist your psychology as to be content with the sisyphean struggle that is your life, or you can bite the bullet without fooling yourself. And when the weight of it all, the fundamental absurdity of the situation and disgust at earnest engagement in it becomes too much to bare then alcohol is there to grant you a brief reprieve and one final rebellion.
Alcohol debases the intellect, some thinkers have taken that to mean it is a mere distraction, a means of control by which our loftier selves are confused and fail to identify the cause of our suffering. It's quite the opposite though. It is the cool calculus of reason that leads us here. When you partake of drink, particularly to excess, you reject the founding notion of our society, the heart and soul of system we live in. Alcohol is the fullest, most honest admission of our reality. The acknowledgement of its blackness and the confession of our impotence to fix it and yet the refusal to accept it. It is to steal fire from the gods and then cast it away, to spit in the face of hope, to deny the final defeat of enurement. To drink is to be an absurd hero. -
2016-06-09 at 3 AM UTC in the young terds make up excuses for anti-trump protestors
Relevant >
You should feel disgusted with yourself for falling for such obvious bait. -
2016-06-07 at 4:01 PM UTC in Kid suspended from school for wearing a trump hat
The tolerance of the average leftist on display.
[greentext]>children[/greentext]Didn't the regulars over there vote for someone to modship once? I remember it not working out too well in the end…
Yeah, they modded vizier but he didn't suck kate's dick enough as I recall and lost it -
2016-06-07 at 6:06 AM UTC in Kid suspended from school for wearing a trump hatI don't think we have specific laws but a K-12 teacher who pushes a given candidate would be frowned upon. No laws around student political advocacy though.
And yeah, the school district's justification was that the kid was getting threatened and stuff. -
2016-06-07 at 5:50 AM UTC in Xanax is actually kind of a boring benzo...I wish I could get some benzo euphoria. I have like no middle ground between "barely feel it" and "passed out on the floor". I don't know how people can black out and get in fights or destroy shit or whatever, I can't even move at like 2mg or etiz.
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2016-06-07 at 5:46 AM UTC in Maybe I actually died, and now i'm stuck in a limbo where I can't advanceI think I was 13 in 2006. Huh, that kinda cheered me up, sure as shit wouldn't want to do that again. Things aren't so bad.
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2016-06-07 at 5:41 AM UTC in civil disobedience, shitting on the manThere was actually a 4 player MP for the original doom engine, it was what inspired quake. It was designed for LAN but some dude in Texas I think ran on of the first internet gaming servers ever to facilitate it. I'm sure that server is long dead though.
