Originally posted by Lanny
Yeah, but what's the timeframe on that? I'm just concerned about a perpetual "I'm about to do it guys!!! Any day now!" type situation.
Nah, I'm not gonna do that. If I post a farewell message it's going to happen.
No timetable. Something you need to understand is that my only reason to choose to live would simply be out of compassion for others who were unfortunate enough to be born and are suffering. The basis of my ethical system would be compassion, from seeing sentient life as something that should not exist, and suffering having the highest priority, being the baseline of Darwinian life, something we are constantly running away from, and a necessary driver of gene spreading for life in its current form.
Currently I agree with you that I am low functioning. Although, when you think of the masses, I suppose I'm not that bad. I have been able to go through some minor projects, extensive research, self-experimentation, and personal development. I mean, how hard would it be for me to get a degree in something like English from a mediocre college and then just get a generic office job? So far it seems I can at least handle getting through university alright. Are you so heartless as to have to pity for my plight? My life has been rather unfortunate in its circumstances and I am heavily autistic. When I met with you I thought of introducing myself with the line, "Well, this is the ugly reality of what autism is." I currently do not believe I can make a significant enough difference without medication, and that monster formerly known as CASPER doesn't seem to want to sell me meth, he really doesn't seem to care very much, despite what he's claimed, and is enamored with a woman, which will capture most of his interpersonal attention.
Ideally I would still endure the pain and simply engage in charity work, and stimulants and benzos could do a great deal to make life more bearable. "Significant enough" is entirely arbitrary. This is the path of a Bodhisattva. The option of suicide is to truly attempt to cease all desires and attain peace of mind through no mind, entirely renouncing life, including any pleasure that can be found in it. There is no certainty, values are subjective, and this cannot be said to be worse than the other option. What would occur afterward would have nothing to do with me and I would be free from the possibility of harm, of the horrors of existence, for all eternity.
Originally posted by gumbo
Malice how are you planning on suicidin' again? What supplies do you need?
1. Pentobarbital, 2. Metoclopramide, 3. Zofran, 4. etizolam, 5. prazosin, 6. flubromazolam
2 and 3 would be taken beforehand to prevent vomiting, 4 and 5 as well, but at a later time, to prevent anxiety/fear/apprehension/avoidance, 1 and 6 would be taken together. I'm also going to use miracle fruit/berry to counteract the unearthly bitter taste, as well as lidocaine spray. I've heard people remark that it has a distinct taste of being "dangerous", and I'm hypersensitive to bitter tastes as well as my fear response being elevated.
Originally posted by Lanny
a pair of balls
The self-preservation instinct and fear/avoidance of death are the strongest there are. Can't spread your genes if you're dead. Nothing wrong with a little help from benzos and prazosin, especially if you have a neurological disorder that affects various aspects of anxiety. I don't see any reason to suffer needlessly.
I'm going this far because I like the finer things in life. I'm willing to pay more for a deluxe death.
