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Posts That Were Thanked by Sudo
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2019-10-15 at 2:46 AM UTC in The Recovery Thread (The Other TRT)CASPER gont, I needed that, thank you
I've been doing meth everyday now for I don't even know, what a week straight by now? Maybe more? And before that it's been off and on basically since I started college, so like 2 months or more even though it's sent me to the ER, made me feel like I can't visualize things in my head much, and feeling like it is definitely pushing me over that extremely thin and incredibly close line I walk with schizophrenia that I haven't been giving the respect it deserves.
I sit here on the end of a week long bender, not getting any of my school work done ever since I started this crap with the intention of it HELPING me study harder and longer, and I hear cops with drug dogs outside my windows, people talking about me on the street all week (some of them probably actually were because I'm high on meth :crazyfaceemoji:), and right now this piercingly high pitched ringing coming through my earbuds as intermittent radio chatter from the authorities. I pray to God the voices go away when I'm sober, because they were sticking around to some effect the last time I quit using it until they started to reside with lots of effort and time until I picked up the glass dick again for no good fucking reason.
Uncomfortably waiting to see how many more crazy people pills I need to take so I can go to bed and try again tomorrow. I've only gone through give or take half a gram this week and I already feel shot, and somehow lost muscle and seemed to have gained fat, which is impossible but it happened.
I've come to accept finally that I have straight up brain damage, which is sexy, and pain that gets better and worse but never goes away, which is hawt, and I have to learn how to deal with those things because I have no other choice besides killing myself, and those are the only two options I have forever, so I better master the art of being with my pain in the moment and doing the best I can in spite of it.
I'm feeling a little better now; my head's killing me like none other, but at least the new neighbors seem to be winding the party down somewhat. Might even get a little reading done after a couple more serries. I'm grateful to live in a country where I get to work in the field of thought that interests me, where I'm not forced to be an accountant or something equally boring that I don't care about and neither does anyone else. I wish I didn't ruin my life, but I did, and in a way I saved it because if I didn't go down the path I did, I never would have had that breakthrough, nor self actualization, nor recovery and met the people I met and made the decision to go get what I want out of life, which is the ultimate work in progress.
My chest hurts like fucking hell now, that always happens on meth. My counselor (who's rich and famous and wears gucci) said they told her if she didn't quit doing meth and barfing she was a gonna get a hole in her esophagus and die. I haven't gone to hardly any meetings since I got out of IOP, and I obviously need to go again based on how bad I relapsed. Things I can start doing tomorrow are mindfulness, meditations, and meth.
Ok, not that last thing -
2019-10-14 at 11:34 PM UTC in The R'tarded thread: The Shitfucking Edidtion 💩🖕The best dreams I've ever had were
1.) Chasing Billie Eilish around in her flying black Dodge Charger "The Demon" whilst simultaneously hiding from her parents in a floating island world
2.) Something I dib't really remember, but me and my British Literature high school teacher having a moment where I locked eyes with her and answered YES to something I don't remember, but that moment was so incredibly human bonding that it woke me up and I smiled for an hour.
Both recently, which is good because before that I was having evil withdrawal dreams every night for many moonsThe following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2019-10-14 at 10:55 PM UTC in The R'tarded thread: The Shitfucking Edidtion 💩🖕I had a dream the other night that I died, then woke up in a lab to be told that my entire life had been a simulation to collect data for something or other. Every memory seemed so distant, my entire life like a flipbook that I could flip through in seconds.
Then they told me it was time to start again, that they were going to put me under and that each time I might remember a little more. I got very very angry and started smashing things, then I woke up to my cat poking me in the eye.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2019-10-14 at 10:36 PM UTC in Turks are scum.I posted a theory a while back (not mine) that it seemed like Turkey's endgame wasn't to physically annex parts of Syria (which had always seemed likely), but to push Kurdish militias out of a massive 'buffer zone' on the border and to resettle the Syrian 'refugees' residing in Turkey into it. This is seeming more and more likely.
The subtext here is that the bulk of the Syrians who fled to Turkey during the war are anti-government fighters or supporters; people who ideologically support Turkey (and by extension, the Muslim Brotherhood) more than they do the (very moderate) government of Syria. By resettling them in northern Syria and replacing much of the local populations, Erdogan is able to extend Turkey's political reach (and create a bulwark against possible Kurdish FOBs) without going to the trouble of redrawing borders, especially since even he's not crazy enough to try to piss in Russia and Hezbullah's mouth.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2019-10-14 at 9:23 PM UTC in The Recovery Thread (The Other TRT)Yeah I was trying to make this a serious thread. I was hoping at least a person or two would do the workbook stuff. I was surprised how much i got out of that.
I guess Ill try to get it back on track.
Havent used heroin or anything since November 30th last year. Down to 42mg methadone. Even forgot to take it for the last 2 days. lol.
Blood pressure is down to just "not great" numbers. Im down to 341 lbs from 385 in march- according to my bluetooth digital scale. The Zoloft seems to be helping a bit, but im at the lowest dose. Still dont feel fantastic, but i feel a lot less awful if that makes sense. Havent sold antiques in 2 or 3 months, and let all my connects dry up since i didnt have the willpower to delete them outright.
Ive been talking to a bunch of people every day and walking with my neighbor, dragging him to meetings. Just getting out and doing stuff. Getting a lot more hopeful. Way more grateful, present. I think I mentioned before the homeless guy I chased down. I also went out in the backyard the other day to rub the cats belly while she flops from side to side on the driveway (the only things she gets excited about are food and Flops), and then I saw this little strawberry plant id potted a couple years back. There was just this one tiny wild strawberry, shiny like a juul (fuckin lanny)...perfectly formed. Smelled great. And I could feel the sunshine, and take a big breath of air. Its so fucking easy to get mired in feeling like dogshit. But each day can have a little zen moment like that, if you retrain your mind.
We're all actually so fucking lucky. Most here are of at least average intelligence -= despite evidence to the contrary. You can breathe and walk and eat. You're likely not a grotesque monster. You have clean drinking water and a place to stay.
It feels like the end of an acid trip kind of. I realize how everything ive done for so long, isnt in line with my values at all. I thought to make connections with people, to be more of a man, I needed to be scary and violent and do risky fucked up shit. I thought i couldnt handle life so I crammed food in my face and took all the drugs i could afford.
But im actually a really good dude. Any time in my life when its come down to it, in extreme moments, Ive done the right things. Its the more subtle grey areas of morality that i really lost myself. But ive kind of come to believe that i can have a different life. I cant quite see it yet, but i feel it. I can be in shape, and feel good about myself. I dont need drugs to get through life. God knows they didnt do anything to make me feel better at the end. I can use all this bullshit to be a better person. Kind of like a near death experience...it just changes your perspective on everything. When you begin to see all the treads connect, and understand that all the different manifestations of dysfunction all stem from a lack of balance, fear, unhappiness, inability to confront life head on.....it reframes the way you do everything. Everything is a choice.
Who "you" are is just a collection of stories you tell about yourself, loosely related to experiences youve had. Being beaten by your father doesnt make you a broken alcoholic. Losing a significant other to cancer doesnt mean youre afraid of intimacy. Going to prison doesnt mean youll always be an outsider. Having a leg amputated doesnt mean you need to lower the bar for yourself. Getting dumped doesnt mean youre unlovable. Its all just fucking stories. Of course actualizing so your life falls in line with your values is a bit more work, but you can stop repeating those mantras to yourself at any time. Its pretty fuckin cool.
Anyway...I feel better. Coming up on a year off dope. Then ill be off methadone by probably end of February. Hopefully ill be below 300 by that time too, if not sooner.
Thing is, its so easy to get hung up and obsessed over timetables and stuff. But things mean so much more when you have to work and struggle for them. Nobody gives a fuck when someone just gets what they want for no reason. Theres a reason that NCOs whove had to grind for their promotions...are more respected than other officers. Theres a reason that people applaud and cry when an 80 year old finally gets their diploma. People love underdogs. People love to be reminded of how to be strong and not give up.
Being unhappy and not working to change is just slow death. Simple. If you died in 50 years exactly the same as you are now....would you be happy with that? I probably wouldnt. If you have the ability and even an inkling that you want a better life for yourself, but you arent taking any steps to actualize it, its cowardice pure and simple.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2019-10-14 at 8:41 PM UTC in Turks are scum.I was amazed how shitty they were when I went to Istanbul on my way home from Nairobi. Give me niggers over turkroaches any day.
Turks have invaded Northern Syria (what Kurds call Rojava) in order to literally "change the demographics" - meaning what changing demographics always means, ethnic cleansing.
Germany have cut off arms to Turkey, Trump has said he is ready to crash their economy, Russia is on the point of intervention, and basically the whole world is realising what shitty worthless people Turks actually are.
It's all over for Turkey.The Washington war party is moaning that Trump has ‘betrayed’ the Kurds. Their unofficial head, Sen. Lindsey Graham, is demanding more war in Syria – the same warrior senator who dodged the Vietnam War by joining the National Guard as a lawyer.
http://www.unz.com/emargolis/turkey-beats-the-war-drums/
The Kurds have been used and betrayed since 1918. They always seem to get the short end of the stick. The old Kurdish saying, ‘no friends but the mountains,’ is painfully true. Washington does not want to get involved in a new Kurdish state carved out of Syria or Iraq even though Israel is pushing it hard to further splinter the Mideast. Iraq’s and Syria’s oil deposits are still a powerful lure for imperial-minded powers.
Trump rightly calls the fracas in Syria ‘a stupid war.’ But many pro-war forces play on this tired, confused president who has gotten himself deep into the Syrian morass, a problem of largely American but also Turkish making. Ironically, former president Barack Obama foolishly authorized America’s effort to overthrow Syria’s Assad government under the guise of a phony civil war.
At least Turkey may hopefully send the Syrians within its borders, who are scummy, home. Trump, by withdrawing and letting the Turks beat on the Kurds, may have saved Europe from another threatened wace of rapefugees.
The middle east is a shit place with shit people. -
2019-10-14 at 5:23 AM UTC in Hey does anybody have a picture of Juicebox and Malice?I want to live and just Express happiness to everyone. No matter what hey we all get to be alive so hey
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2019-10-14 at 4:33 AM UTC in Bump when high
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2019-10-14 at 4:09 AM UTC in Hey does anybody have a picture of Juicebox and Malice?you guys always forget crazymikeThe following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2019-10-13 at 9:33 PM UTC in HOLY FUCK I can't believe this video is real
Originally posted by Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country
Scott Adams is very interesting, he lost the ability to speak for a number of years and has a weird neurological issue that prevents him from drawing on paper so he has to use a computer tablet
He also predicted Trump early. Check out his YouTube channel it's called coffee with Scott Adams. One of my favorite things he said is that he feels sorry for people that close their eyes and can't imagine infinite creative ideas.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2019-10-13 at 4:24 PM UTC in HOLY FUCK I can't believe this video is realTrump kissing and motorboating Rudy Guiliani in drag.
I want to take out an ad on Fox and play this.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2019-10-13 at 3:51 PM UTC in Just had the hottest Chinese girl jerking on my dickmaybe you should wait until you are in a relationship getting laid daily before thinking you might have an issue. a hit here and there and someone yanking one off doesn't give you any format to conclude anything, especially sensitivity issues....young people crack me up.... no wonder it's hilarious when they finally crash, burn, and "wake-up!!"The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2019-10-13 at 7:33 AM UTC in Just had the hottest Chinese girl jerking on my dick
Originally posted by vindicktive vinny i thought he works or have bussiness or something.
Do not count other peoples money. This never leads to anything good.
Originally posted by GAAAAALM Depends on if he's the breadwinner.
A lot of those stupid eastern Europeans believe in the housewife shit.
What the fuck is a house wife? You think a wife should stay at home and scratch her cunt all day? Oh, no-no-no-no-no-no. Only if you have 10 kids should a wife stay at home and watch them all. I've not kids yet, for now...
When you get a girl (not even a wife), tell er to get a fucking job, one that pays a lot (legally) thanks to this education and shit, then tell er to come home and: do the dishes, wash/dry/fold/put away laundry, cook a meal, bend over, clean the house, etc.
I take care of the finances but the woman needs to have a job to take care of her own shit. Helping out a fresh off the boat immigrant is OK at first, but once you help them get to a certain level, they're on their own for the most part. I might add that helping a fresh off the boat immigrant includes, but is not limited to, helping to find a job that will take you without any documents or questions asked. SO essentially at no time whatsoever should a woman be a dead weight to carry around.
You are not supposed to be friends with a woman. Women are only good for one thing: making kids. You can help them to get to a level where having kids is more sustainable, but you should not babysit them.
Remember that god made women have periods as punishment for betraying MANkind by giving in to temptations offered by snakes in the garden of eden.
Once I have kids, yes, I will use my finances to spoil them, and to give them all that I never had when I grew up in garbage. I will tell them that, until a certain age, they cannot go to jail, and should feel free to do whatever the fuck they want. I will pat them on the back when they beat up kids in school. I will let them know to punch straight in the jaw when someone even says anything to them. I will teach them all the things that I did not know as a kid because I did not have a family.
What were we talking about I forget. -
2019-10-13 at 3:31 AM UTC in El Camino: break bad sequelSeeing "Fat Damon" singing in the whip >The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2019-10-13 at 2:27 AM UTC in Fona's <insert adjective here" Saturday 10/12/19Fona’s thrifty, marijuana doll with pill packs, eating buggy nachos, farting, and causing auto accidents, Saturday. 10/12/19The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2019-10-13 at 2:22 AM UTC in Hello my fellow teleiophilesI am a Heliophile, i like the Sun. Sometimes when i think no one is looking i just stare directly into the Sun. This gives me intesne sexual pleasure. When the pastor told me masturbation would make me blind i didn't believe him. I should have known better. I'm sorry Jesus. I am sorry Amun-Ra God of the Sun. But i need to make a choice, it's not you. It's me. I'm breaking up with you. There is another heavenly body that i need to love. And i'm not talking about that slut Luna either.
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2019-10-12 at 11:55 PM UTC in How roast beefy is Squirrel's pussy?you being interested is a completely moot point.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2019-10-12 at 9:50 PM UTC in Got paid yesterday so I bought a Rolex
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2019-10-12 at 3:58 PM UTC in Got paid yesterday so I bought a Rolex
Originally posted by Sudo Why didn't you get an oyster? I like watches and have a movado but I'm thinking of getting a brietling soon. Muh dawg jus bot a Gucci watch so I gotta flecks harda nahmeen?
I chose the submariner to go with my submarine. The submarine should be arriving soon, we just need to get direct debit set up for the payments.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2019-10-12 at 2:56 PM UTC in i cant believe what just happened im so totally fuckedThe following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
