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Thanked Posts by Malice
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2018-05-29 at 1:05 AM UTC in And off to rehab I goGood luck RisiR, hopefully one day you’ll have the kind of life that let’s you feel you don’t need them.
I’ve been addicted to things because of how much pain I was chronically in. I know what it’s like to need something just to keep from committing suicide and be able to function. I wish there was something like rehab except for depression and isolation that was more widely available and actually effective. -
2018-05-26 at 11:42 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Sploo Needs AttentionCasper, I need to find some volunteer work that gives me positive interaction with others and really makes a difference, or would just be a good experience for a depressed severely isolated autist. I know you've done volunteer work.
I really need to get out, connect with people, and do some good. I really do feel good when I help someone and can see that I'm helping them, that they appreciate it.
I don't like having nothing to do 3 days a week except homework/studying and being on a computer all day. This depression has been killing me for years. At least I'll be helping others, even if it doesn't cure me.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2018-05-26 at 6:24 AM UTC in The Retardest Thread: Fashionably Late Edition.
Originally posted by aldra for me it's more a sense of 'this ride is going nowhere, I want to get off'
Yeah, that was a major reason why I wanted to drop out and just wander into the wilderness where my body would ideally never be found. I just don’t see anything to look forward to, and realistically for the vast majority of people there’s just complacency, not breakthrough where they find happiness.
I’m going to research if there’s a way I can get transcranial magnetic stimulation.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2018-05-26 at 5:32 AM UTC in The Retardest Thread: Fashionably Late Edition.Does your life ever feel so empty and meaningless you just want to break down and cry? I was just walking to the post office looking at plants and it was just like, "What happened? The world didn't always feel like this?"
Fortunately I got my racemic ketamine and will be giving focalin XR a trial next week. Well see how well a regimen of dosing 50mg every other day six times works. I need to always keep a stash because of how extreme my depression can reach.
At the very least you may not have to put up with depression posting anymore. Unless it doesn't work for some reason, then unless I can get TMS or ECT I'm going to kill myself.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2018-05-26 at 5:34 AM UTC in The Retardest Thread: Fashionably Late Edition.I also returned a phone someone left on the bus, so at least a good deed may counteract annoying depression posting to some extent.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2018-05-25 at 4:27 AM UTC in The Retardest Thread: Fashionably Late Edition.
Originally posted by Captain Malus why haven't you an-heroed yet? I can come to San Francisco and beat your dumb mugged mother fucking ass into a pulp, you shit eating faggot retard. You can try to mean mug me and aspie screech in an attempt at self defence.
I guess I wanted to give it one last chance with college, but the way I feel just doesn't change, it's getting worse.
It's extremely difficult and terrifying to go up against what we evolved to fear and avoid the most, death.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2018-05-25 at 4:16 AM UTC in The Retardest Thread: Fashionably Late Edition.It feels like autism and the life I had just robbed me of nearly everything that makes life worth living for normal people. There's no cure, it's just a matter of completely accepting the terrible state you're in. Nearly all I do is suffer largely because of the way I was born. My life feels completely hollow.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2018-05-24 at 3:25 AM UTC in The Retardest Thread: Fashionably Late Edition.The bias against suicide may not even be rationally defensible. I don't see suicide negatively and I think the rates would be higher with interventions I consider negative.
For males the rate just keeps going up as they age. Maybe it just wears you down after time and some people get worn down a lot faster? Why should people be expected to like life or the world around them?The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2018-05-23 at 1:10 AM UTC in The Retardest Thread: Fashionably Late Edition.
It's nice to know you could go peacefully any day. There's no fear of pain or failure, it's exactly like falling asleep and never waking up again. The arguments even the vast majority of people to against suicide or to attribute a negative value to death are painfully moronic.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2018-04-27 at 5:21 AM UTC in The Retardest Thread: Fashionably Late Edition.Fine, I’ll stop.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2018-04-26 at 4:31 PM UTC in The Retardest Thread: Fashionably Late Edition.LSD, you should read this if you’re interested: https://www.longecity.org/forum/topic/71485-my-wonderful-50-day-experience-with-therapeutic-doses-of-methamphetamine-desoxyn-healed-my-mind/
There are other user reports that come up if you Google “meth microdosing”.
Pharmaceutical D-meth, or as close as you can get to it from clandestine syntheses, taking at low oral doses (3-10mg), is very different from typical street meth use.
I’ve posted studies before that actually demonstrate some fascinating beneficial effects at these doses, taken orally.
Also, I don’t expect this experiment to actually work, to be enough to make life worth living, allow me to function well enough to reach my goals. I do take into account behavioral modifications, such as exercise and regular fulfilling socialization. My problems are just incredibly treatment resistant. A.utism is simply a horrendous crippling disorder that’s extremely complex and has a vast array of effects. The unfortunate reality, and this is strongly supported by a wealth of evidence, is that the vast majority of people on the a.utism spectrum never manage to succeed and have tragic lives. Even among those with college degrees the unemployment rate is an astounding 85%. There are numerous other statistics on outcomes that paint the bleakest picture.
Being able to read well and convey yourself intelligently only shows you a tiny aspect of a person’s life.
Bad parents, bad city/environment, bad schools, lack of diagnosis and treatment, unbelievable levels of social isolation and alienation (This has the strongest set of long term negative effects out of anything), severe chronic anxiety, severe social deficits, severe chronic depression, extremely weakened ability to experience pleasure/positive emotions, and among those on the spectrum being “high functioning” (this term is misleading because it’s simply relative to classical autism) actually increases your risk of suicide.
I have all the factors for an extremely high lifetime risk of suicide. Bipolar disorder and schizophrenia also have very high lifetime suicide rates, and most of the factors I mentioned also increase this risk. People like PoC and Bipolar High Roller understand what living with a condition like this is like.
It’s probably too late for me at this point in my life, I’m already 28 and the development of my brain has been permanently affected. IRL I’m not even close to coming across as high functioning as I do online.
Then again, for people with ADD proper treatment can be profoundly life changing. Dextromethamphetamine is about as powerful a treatment as you can get.
It’s not going to change anything about the external world, though. Other people and the world they’ve created will always be a hell to me. The only chance for a fulfilling life is to devote myself to my intellectual pursuits, before my depression reached a level of severity that destroyed me. I’m not sure I can ever return to that state due to how I’ve changed, my philosophy/worldview, how profoundly disillusioned I am. I’ve completely lost interest in the world and have lost any sense of wonder. The latter issue may be the most massive obstacle to a scholarly life. Solving problems like it’s a game/challenge just isn’t the same.
There’s a good chance I’ll simply utilize the effects of meth to study Schopenhauer, related philosophers, and a set of books on Buddhism, as preparation for death.
With meth therapy I may have the energy and motivation yo turn suicide into a project. An idea I have for the end is to have a continual encrypted stream, so my location won’t be discovered, where people can send me questions. The method of death would be through extreme self deprivation, slowly starving myself to death, and devoting all my time to meditation, study, and contemplation. Prior to this I would extensively document what led to this and write on various subjects.
In a text file I started one day and abandoned, although it ended up being fairly lengthy, I speculated on why the Buddha forbade monks from recording anything. Buddhism has a fascinating history, and for the highest level of monks some practices may have reached extreme levels. I speculated that at some point some may have chosen to undergo the process I described and utilized it to convey what they learned from the most extreme point of human existence. Interestingly I later learned that this form of suicide was the only one Schopenhauer truly respected.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2018-04-25 at 6:05 AM UTC in You're all so smart, it's amazing to me.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2018-04-24 at 11:37 PM UTC in The Retardest Thread: Fashionably Late Edition.
Originally posted by CASPER hi guise
SEND ME METH!
Typical, you meet a girl and completely forget about everyone else.
I had to drop another class due to a lack of ADD medication and they told me it could take months to see a psychiatrist.
I was just about to start looking for a recommended vendor and then this happen: https://www.deepdotweb.com/2018/04/24/sorting-trough-the-dread-olympus-drama/
The forum everyone migrated to after various subreddits got taken down just went down itself. I need it now!The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2018-04-23 at 2:38 AM UTC in The Retardest Thread: Fashionably Late Edition.I'm thinking about taking a trip beforehand to the regional park I'll choose to die in and go through the entire ritual. I won't take the entire cocktail, but I will take a high enough dose of benzos to make me pass out, so I can go through the process of what the final moments will feel like, staying there overnight. I'll post pics to prove I'm serious. I'm also thinking about having something custom made to honor Schopenhauer, my final place being marked with the quote, "Nothing can be stated as the aim of our existence except the knowledge that it would be better for us not to exist. - Arthur Schopenhauer". Maybe I'll leave the 2 volumes of "The World as Will and Representation" there as well, protected from the elements.
Does anyone remember that time I got lost in a regional park for 2 days and barely made it out of there? Took LSD, potentiated by methylene blue, and kept climbing higher and higher until it was too dark to find my way back, didn't know I could access free GPS from my phone, had to hide somewhere and build a small wind shield by digging in the dirt, using leaves as cushioning, then scare off a pack of coyotes in case they attacked me. Severely dehydrated, without food, legs right on the verge of collapsing. -
2018-04-18 at 1:03 AM UTC in zanick v malice
Originally posted by Daily Malice pls
I genuinely have a hard time getting a boner due to how low my sex drive naturally is, even with the increase in testosterone PTSD causes. I wrote about doing this quite some time ago, but never went through with it. Maybe I'll finally post a picture to put this to rest. No guarantees, though, because I don't give much of a fuck. My precious little twink.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2018-04-14 at 4:45 PM UTC in The Retardest Thread: Fashionably Late Edition.
The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2018-04-14 at 5:15 AM UTC in The Retardest Thread: Fashionably Late Edition.Footage of aftermath from a Brazilian prison riot. Damn, these are some of the most brutal motherfuckers I've ever seen. Demonic, the kind of people that are genuine terrifying.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2018-04-13 at 1:07 AM UTC in The Retardest Thread: Fashionably Late Edition.
Originally posted by CASPER If i kill myself, its going to be out away from my home somewhere (because killing yourself around other people is fucking selfish), and then just wrap a towel and then some tough plastic dropcloth or tarp material around my head everywhere but my nostrils. Then duct tape it in place. Then just a shot straight into the skull above the ear (I know pointing upward in your mouth is most effective, but cant do that with a tarp tied around your head). I imagine the people who have to clean up that stuff would appreciate someone making it a bit easier to clean up after.
The people we had who died were kamikaze pimp, viper, and ilovechronic among others.I forget which one was the gun cleaning incident but he was just too high and too confident in his gun handling skills. Then again ive done that same shit on TC a ton of times, im sure.
Yeah, if I did it alone I would hike deep into an area of a national/regional park, somewhere way off trail where no one would likely ever go, and do it there. I wouldn't take the risk of a gunshot failing and I don't like firearms.
Imagine if we all took a group trip down to Mexico to blow all our savings and party for a week, maybe even longer, then did a group suicide with pentobarbital bought there.
https://www.nytimes.com/2008/07/21/world/americas/21tijuana.htmlThe following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2018-04-13 at 6:14 AM UTC in The Retardest Thread: Fashionably Late Edition.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2018-04-12 at 11:53 PM UTC in The Retardest Thread: Fashionably Late Edition.I'm feeling pretty normal right now, but suicide still seems pretty appealing because life is overwhelmingly an unfulfilling and unremarkable utter fool's errand.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!