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Thanked Posts by NARCassist
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2017-08-08 at 6:36 AM UTC in Where the fuck is Reject?lol
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2017-08-07 at 10:58 AM UTC in making the pussy purrThe following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2017-08-06 at 5:58 AM UTC in Tell Me About Your Experiences with Junkie Jesusok, so this was back in about 02 when i was a total fucking junkie, literally doing a good £100 a day. at this time i was in and out of jail like every other month or so. anyway at this time i was due in court for driving whilst disqualified on the monday coming, and this was back before they gave you methadone or subutex in jail so you were left to just rattle it hard. i didn't like the thought of that so for the week preceeding the court appearance i was going extra hard to get as much gear in the bank as poss to see me through it. somebody told me that this big marks and spencer superstore about 20 mile away had boxes of mobile phones out on the shelves in the store and were easy to get, so i took a drive over there on the tuesday. i blatantly filled a shopping cart with 20 of these phones, threw a few things on top and brazenly walked out the store. i had parked literally right outside the door and quickly chucked them in the motor and went. nobody come after me or fuck all, easy as shit. if i remember i think i got about £800 for the lot, so i invested in a half ounce of smack and still had enough to keep me going for most of the week without even touching the 1/2 oz.
on the saturday i bumped into my pal gary. he's a good pal since we were kids and we always had each others back and went robbing and shit all the time. gary was on his ass and was looking to earn. i told him about the score i'd had the other day and he started agging me to take him over there to get a load more. so off we went. i liked working with gary as he knew what the fuck he was doing and just got the job done, which is exactly how i liked to work. we get to the store and had a smoke in the car park before we went in. now i had split this half oz up into 12 separate wraps which i had sealed and kept on me ready for the monday. i had it all in a cigarette packet and kept it down my pants at all times. i also had a lighter in there and any gear i was using as well. so in the carpark i chucked a whole 20 bag on the foil which was about 1/2 gram in them days. i smoked about a 1/4 of that and then wrapped it up, put it in the cig box and shoved it down my pants again ready to get on.
so me and gaz goes into the store, we both took a hand basket and separately filled up the baskets with the phones, about 5 in each. we then shoved the baskets under a rack of clothes by the doors and took another basket each and did the same. we rendevous'd by the door and i told gary to hold up here, i'll go check we ain't got a welcome party waiting outside the doors. i go out and look around and it all looked cool. i dashed back in and gave gary the nod and we both picked up two baskets each and dashed out. we were'nt even 5 yards from the car when we had blokes coming from everywhere grabbing at us. i think we both managed to get halfway in the car and these guys wrestled us both out. there was literally fuck all we could do, we were caught.
but coz we'd put up such a struggle with them, they had us both on the floor sitting on us, like 3 or 4 guys, so we couldn't move, till the pigs came, which was pretty quick. the cops cuffed us at the back and we were put in the car and i had a pig sitting right next to me all the way to the pig station. now i'm thinking, fuck, i got this half oz down my pants, and what's more its all split into smaller wraps which would defo be intent to supply. and that makes the 2 or 3 grand theft we're getting nicked for look silly. and as a known heroin addict at that time i was always getting strip searched as soon as they got me to the station. but i can't do fuck all but pray.
so we get to the station, they book me in and put me in a cell. i can't believe my luck that they never stripped me. as soon as i'm in the cell i set about plugging all 12 wraps away. i still got the gear on the foil and the lighter, so now i'm safe i start having a toot, while i resign myself to the fact that i am definitely going to jail on monday now without a doubt. now in these days they would let you keep your cigarettes but not let you smoke in the cell, but they would let you out in the yard sometimes. so you had to be careful smoking in the cell in case they clocked the smoke. a little while later and gary had been taken for interview. when coming back he had wandered off ahead of the cop and opened the flap on my door. give us a cigarette he says, so i gave him one. i asked if he had a light and he said yes, so i explained i got my gear but my lighter was fucked. he said he'd ring the bell for the toilet in a bit and leave it hidden there for me to get.
so gary, like a div, goes off to his cell and locks himself in. he's in the cell next to me and i can clearly hear the pig come now to lock him up. i hear the cop open his flap and immediately he says 'are you smoking'. gary's hasn't even waited to light the cig i gave him and got busted. so the pig is now asking how did you light that, and i hear gary trying to bullshit him that he found a match on the floor, lol. the cop is like 'bollocks, either you or your pal has got a lighter'. with that a load of other cops come, my door opens and they take us both off for a strip. i thanked my lucky stars that i had plugged the 1/2 oz away already but of course they find the gear on the foil and the busted lighter. but that was fuck all really compared to what i'd just escaped.
anyway two days later and me and gaz are locked in the same cell in prison with half oz of gear, smoking ourselves silly for a week, and then we were so fucking sick, lol. but yeah, adventures in heroin addiction, its all good fun, haha. i dodged a good 5 to 7 years that day so fuck it, lol.
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2017-08-06 at 11:29 PM UTC in LANNYThe following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2017-08-04 at 8:41 AM UTC in If I ever own a motel, I'll call it the slags-inn.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2017-08-03 at 9 PM UTC in the photoshop fredThe following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2017-07-30 at 2:17 AM UTC in ITT we post really sexy womeni bet she a right bitchy type, but look at her, who the fuck cares?
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2017-08-06 at 9:28 AM UTC in Tell Me About Your Experiences with Junkie Jesuswhen i was about 19 i was at one of those big legal raves, the type with the huge circus tents and about 100,000 people. it was just getting light and a lot of people had left so it wasn't so packed. i was still pilled off my face, and if any of you been to a do like that, by the end of the night there is litter everywhere including lots of zip lock baggies that people discarded after doing the contents. when you're high on e you often look at the floor and for a moment think there is something or other in them. but then realize you're just tripping out. so i notice this fairly large baggie and i'm tripping as usual coz its looking like theres a load of powder in it. so i'm just ignoring it. but i keep noticing it for ages and it always looks like theres some white shit in it. so after a while i think i ought to check this. so i picks it up and wtf it definitely has got powder in it, quite a lot. a good 5 or 6 grams easy of what is obviously speed. at raves in them days you wouldn't find people doing anything other than e, speed, acid, coke or hash/weed. so i take a dab to see how good this speed is but it tastes not so bitter as i'd expect. next thing i know my tongue is numbing up, fuck me its charlie. me and a few pals were snorting it like there was no tomorrow, rolling spliffs of it and that. did the lot in about 15 minutes lol. i think i was so high on e still tho that i barely felt much from it tbh, the excitement of what i'd just found prolly had me buzzing more than anything.
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2017-08-05 at 9:46 AM UTC in Maybe 4-5 of you are not trash.your the biggest total twat on this whole site in all of totse history cap'n phallus. your materialistic bullshit is just boring and watching just how fucking desperate you are to impress others is so fucking cringeworthy, i've started to develop wrinkles on my forehead solely from reading your posts.
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2017-08-05 at 12:20 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDSThe following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2017-08-06 at 12:45 PM UTC in OH MY FUCKING GOD THIS PLACE IS BORING THE FUCK OUTTA METhe following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2017-08-05 at 11:20 AM UTC in THE OFISH 2017 COLLAGE THREAD!!!you're a fucking muppet you are malice. you think you understand people but you only understand your own twisted perception of people.
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2017-08-06 at 4:21 AM UTC in making the pussy purrsaw this only yesterday, you reminded me kay
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2017-08-06 at 4:45 AM UTC in You ever have a squirrel taunt you?for a year i had about 4 or 5 different squirrels climbing up to my window to eat the food i'd put there in the frame. they were pretty brazen as i'd be like a meter away on the bed and they would just sit there between the bars munching. 1 or 2 of them built up enough courage to take biscuits and pieces of cake out of my hand after a while. it was pretty cool, would help wile away the long boring days in jail.
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2017-08-05 at 8:57 PM UTC in how to deal with people who just want you to validate their shitty opinions
Originally posted by Malice God I fucking hate people. When I attend school my goal is to be just as savage, ornery, and misanthropic as I am IRL.
Well, no, the backlash would be too strong. I could get expelled for some of the things I say, would regularly have people wanting to fight me, even kill me, and would become public school enemy #1, the most hated person there.
Either tone it down, reserve or for particularly bad moments and people, or just ignore and avoid them.
i think this sums you up in a nutshell malice. you're just scared of the world, its just agoraphobia. i reckon you've just cooked up this whole autislm bullshit as an elaborate cover story to hide your flagrant faggotry. man the fuck up you pussyhole.
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2017-08-04 at 9:33 AM UTC in Fat azian slut at clarks oyster bar
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2017-08-03 at 6:01 AM UTC in THE OFISH 2017 COLLAGE THREAD!!!
Originally posted by cerakote
these are my feet after 4 days of consecutive shifts of my job. yes, those are friction burns. i had burns like them all over my torso last week (theyre only on my arms atm). i work this job that gives me foot rug burns and athletes foot and dries my skin out until its shiny so i can pay my bills and have fuckoff money. i dont work because i WANT to, i work because i HAVE to. its how real people in the world do things. why should i, a person who works for my shit like any other decent human being, give you, a useless manchild who wouldnt be able to function 2 minutes in real life, my money and enable your fuckshit?
if human life is so meaningless then on behalf of every taxpayer in america i beseech you to kill yourself and make ours suck less
if its any help to you i could totally get rid of all that redness and the marks with photoshop.
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2017-08-03 at 5:32 AM UTC in THE OFISH 2017 COLLAGE THREAD!!!piss is a miracle cure for athletes foot. just soak your feet in your own pee for 5 minutes before you shower and you'll see it clear up literally in a few days, if that.
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2017-08-01 at 2:18 PM UTC in making the pussy purrin this fred you can post all or any of your tips for making a girl cum like a motherfucking express train. what's your secret to making her scream your name while her nails dig deep into your back? how do you make them legs quiver and that fountain gush like the bellagio fountains?
i do love when a girl comes while i'm inside her and you feel that pussy squeeze tight around your cock, sometimes so hard it makes it pop right out, but that doesn't work on all girls. i find fingers are best. doing that 'come here' motion with your two forefingers so your pushing your fingertips right into the g-spot is a killer on most girls. also pushing the same two fingers so hard and deep you wonder if its hurting her, then doing a little wave motion with your finger tips to stroke around the cervix is great. they have the A-spot there which is just as effective as the g-spot in most women. keep going as well, a few seconds won't do it with most chicks. and even tho your fingers and whole forearm may be aching, its worth the effort. with a lot of women you will start slowish then gradually quicken the pace. its important to pay attention to her reactions, this will tell you which areas are working best on her. not all of them will tell you 'yes there, keep doing that'. with some you will only get a short gasp or moan when you hit the spots she likes.
sucking on the clit is always a good one for nearly every woman. try doing it while using the above fingering techniques for maximum bang. i prefer sucking the clit in my lips rather than just licking it, but licking can be good still. obviously variety is great for sex, and trying different things to find out what works with your partner is all part of the fun of sex.
a real killer technique is to use the two middle fingers, insert them all the way inside her then hold them there. now you start pushing hard against the g-spot area. keep jerking the fingers really hard against the front wall. when i say hard i cannot stress how hard enough, you need to use enough force to practically lift her off the bed. don't worry, as long as you've got her pretty horny and she is plenty wet you shouldn't hurt her. this technique will make most women come within a few seconds or so and will also make a lot of women squirt.
also remember that girls aren't like us and want to just light a cigarette and take a breather the moment they've come. when a girl comes she is only then getting started. coming just makes her even more horny and wanting more. you can only give her a couple of seconds for a quick breath and then its straight back into the trenches for you my son. you don't even want to be starting slow at this point, just literally pick up at the pace you were going when she came. personally i like to keep my fingers inside while she orgasms. that pussy clenching tightly around my fingers and getting them soaked in girly juice just turns me on something chronic. i try and aim for making her come at least five times, often more. or you can fuck her for a bit them come back to it.
so, what other tips y'all nigga's got?
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2017-08-01 at 4:26 AM UTC in Tard out test / iq testThe following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
