I ate all the CBD gummies and am just studying while I wait for them to kick in, still feel pretty restless. I want to lie down but by spirit wants to keep going.
I think I'm gonna read a Python chapter now that I've realised not doing so is what's making me depressed.
If I have the nerves to tackle a DBT worksheet, it's a daunting book. If I should go for another can of Monster or B12. What I should try to accomplish tonight as I'm too restless to listen to hypnosis.
What's on my mind is trying to plan what to eat over the coming days so I can lose weight but not become malnourished.
Ig I get depressed quickly when I can't learn what I want to learn, I thought it just happened when I couldn't read fiction books.
I've found I have more motivation to study chemistry when I allow myself to learn Python as well. But all my time is supposed to go toward chemistry atm and now I'm not motivated. It's odd ig, studying more when I make less time for it.
If you catch me being civil to enemies it's because I've temporarily forgotten who they are.
That's not the same for me. I'm not sure if I suppress all bad things or if I just don't notice peoples existence in the first place. All I know is I definitely forget that everyone hates me and my eyes glaze over things like I don't ever see Wariat threads.
There's no option but to kill everyone.
Idk if I should go on a cleaning spree, listen to hypnosis for hours, study or plan the trip. Idk what will make me feel better. It's all important so I'll still be putting things off.
I'm so stressed out about everything.
Today I had apple crumble, five Bourbon creams, houmous with breadsticks and some CBD gummies. That's probably more than the 730 calorie limit.
My chest feels tight all of a sudden.
I just weighed myself and I'm 9 stone exactly. This is freak out weight because if I go over that I'm fat. I need to get things under control now.
Browsing Brandy Melville is triggering my anorexia. Like I was starting to feel OK bcus I want volume in my face but now I want to be anorexic again and feel sick.
