Idk why I'm thinking of this now. In hs they made this report about me so I had to see a psychiatrist, but I read the report, a lot of it was false and they didn't listen to me. An example is on a camping trip, some people emptied my bag all over the grass and it was dark so I told someone to be careful since there could be a knife, I didn't want someone to step on it. Everyone had to bring a knife for that trip but she went and told the teacher I threatened her with a knife and he believed her.
In hs I was like Nathan from Misfits and wore a lot of grey or clothes from Fresh Garbage to fit in with my peers. Then I had a mature adult phase at 19, my style became quirky/hippie/vintage and I didn't smoke for two years. At 21 I felt robbed of having a girly phrase so then I was a kawaii trainreck but also dressed like my ex gf and had goth days. Then I think I channelled my dad, adult again and would wear a lot of blue/mint/black, my saddle shoes. I had a group of goth friends so that style has stayed.
I don't know why I'm only having flashbacks about Cam a year later but I know it's real PTSD. I don't know if it's worth hurting him because he didn't care about me at the beginning but then did over time, there were happy memories which I hardly remember so I don't know if it's just black and white thinking. All I know is something wrong happened and revenge might cure me but I don't really like having to hurt people.
I was on the motorway in the Netherlands, it was raining and this van right in front of us starting spinning round, the bumper fell on the road and the driver looked like he was passed out. I thought it was the end but it stopped at the side of the road.
I pity you aldra because your attitude means you'll always be bitter, infected with a mind virus that's hell. You'll miss out on healthy relationships with women and ever having awareness, you're going to die ignorant. We'll never be friends.
I'm talking about spiritual evolution. Words can have different meanings, echo is an example.
"Myth makes Echo the subject of longing and desire. Physics makes Echo the subject of distance and design. Where emotion and reason are concerned both claims are accurate.
And where there is no Echo there is no description of space or love.
There is only silence."
There's nothing stopping me it'd just be tragic to have a near-death experience when I'm close to having the life I want.
Right now I'm watching Vikings, one of my IRA uncles is in it. I'm meeting some of the game design team in Belfast next weekend, starting an evening class for cyber security next week, then there's the science festival, then staying with my sister for a week. I'm on the fence about going to London, I miss being a trainwreck but know it's bad for me. It just feels like there's no room to do anything spontaneous or fun.
Remembering the time my mum rebuked me for scamming. Both my parents were honest but it bothers me because my dad ended up being betrayed by his friend, my mum wouldn't even fake my signature for something important when I was abroad, she used to take my uncle's pepper spray with her on hikes for self defense and when I told her that was illegal she got rid of it. You have to be brainwashed to put the law before self-preservation and your daughter's wellbeing.
