If I was on coke there would be paragraphs of panic attack.
I thought I was gonna have a heart attack on the train and have felt like collapsing a few times since I got here. Hope nothing happens bcus I forgot my GHIC card.
It's the truffles this brand is meant to cause introspection. I've been thinking of things I wouldn't normally think today.
Questioning myself now bcus him being German is what made me like him. Since I got my DNA tested as 99.6% British and Irish I kinda wanna keep that purity but can't deny that I look for Nordic traits even with Irish people. Idk if it's intuitive or learned.
It's tough bcus his psychopathy is what I love about him, he's nice and predictable, but knowing he will always react the same no matter what I'm going through gets to me sometimes, even though I understand him.
We would still be just friends, like we were for three years.
Shoulda never sent him a pic of my boobs. They too perfect.
Neurotic rn. If only I had Mik but I unfriended him again when I told him I slit my throat and he just said oh. I found a way round his psychopathy though, explaining the logic, that things will be better for us both if he reacts a certain way. But he just wants cybersex now and I dislike pressure.
When I hear words I try to visualise how they spelt.
But it's confidence as well. I haven't spoken any Dutch here even though I can, because of fear of not pronouncing it right.
I got to level 4 German and 5 is near fluent, but I never did the reading lessons.
I needa get on that reading now I know I'm a visual learner. Could probably differentiate then.
Wondering if I'm secretly racist bcus of the people I've chosen to bang. It could be a fear of getting pregnant so I wouldn't get with anyone like French even if they're attractive. But I can't get pregnant because of the bar in my arm. Even if they're attractive.
Pimsleur promts must really retrain your thoughts. I never think of the time in English it's always Irish first, feels like a mind virus.
And suddenly I can't speak German anymore, keep mixing up words with Dutch.
I'm p overwhelmed, just getting drunk now that might help, thinking of banging this German guy, depends how drunk I get.
This isn't even an eccentric look it's how people dress in Belfast.
Ik it's not normal to dress like this but I'm gonna be me and normal here is that trash from Urban Outfitters that will be a what where they thinking in a few years.
Mal you're delusional, jealous and transparent. This isn't high school.
I've been getting so many stares. Idk if it's because I look like death or because I'm foreign, like maybe they've never seen this skin tone. I'm wearing a dress w a weed pattern all over it and this Dutch man gasped when he saw it but he was friendly to me.
