Ig I feel better because before I was feeling the effects of both scenarios, that he either abandoned me or died. Now it's just like I probably have another guardian angel.
Since I've come home I've had a lot of energy, that was before I started taking stimulants today. I'm not sure how I feel exactly. More motivated but uncaring about life at the same time. I'm not sure if the truffles can have a long-lasting effect like that or if it's because I will have closure soon; It's only a matter of time before Sophie is confirmed dead. Maybe I feel okay because I'm dissociating. The cleaning spree I went on today isn't really a good sign. Ig idk what's up with me but I'm doing things I enjoy today so there's that.
2023-06-29 at 5:56 PM UTC
in
Sophie: Where are you?
So everyone knows we're looking for a grave now. He likely died. There's been no news reports of arrests which could have been him in his home town or the last place he was residing. If he were lurking at his computer he would be alarmed and take action, but he isn't doing that.
I wish I could take the truffles everyday because so little made a massive difference. I feel in a better place mentally.
Feels unreal being home and I didn't notice how angry I am.
Not home five mins and I've already ripped the doors off my dad's shed in anger.
I've been awake 32 hours. Finally reached my dad's village, it will be another hour before I'm in bed because I need food.
The noise following me sounds like a demon circus and now I'm imagining them ripping unsuspecting people from this plane and the drum sound is really them banging to get through.
It didn't really feel like a vacation tbh and I didn't expect to spend my last day stalking Sophie instead of going to the beach like a normal person. The truffles woke me up and I love Scooby Doo.
She could hear the cashier perfectly fine but not me?
I need to get home soon, just purposely shoved a girl and swore at an old lady. I swear she was blocking my exit on purpose and pretending not to hear me, and she cut in when I was buying my stuff.
The plan is to go to the chippy then home, catch up on Riverdale, have a bath or shower then go to best listening to a Diana Wynne Jones audiobook and the rain.
I keep imagining sounds, the same music but it's following me everywhere. It's like all the background noise turns into this one song and it sounds like club music.
Arrived in Ireland and it's raining miserably, I love it.
I think I was going to get that flight cr.
Last flight to where I'm going was cancelled.
I've been awake 26 hours and won't get back for another three hours.
