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The R'tarded thread: The Shitfucking Edidtion 💩🖕

  1. aldra JIDF Controlled Opposition
    do people actually kill chickens with axes? I thought you were supposed to break their necks
  2. Sudo Black Hole [my hereto riemannian peach]
    Originally posted by MexicanMasterRace muslims hang them upside down and put their head in a brace so the blood can drain.

    ftfy

    Bismillahi
  3. Originally posted by MexicanMasterRace that's how we did it at the chicken tank filling plant

    Shhhh, everybody knows you just dunked nuggiez in the fryer at mcduggies
  4. -SpectraL coward [the spuriously bluish-lilac bushman]
    Originally posted by aldra do people actually kill chickens with axes? I thought you were supposed to break their necks

    If you break its neck, it would just go into convulsions on the ground and drag itself around for an hour, but it wouldn't die. Chickens are a lot tougher than people might guess. They want to live very badly. They're real survivors.
  5. Originally posted by -SpectraL It's a lot harder than it looks to kill a chicken by hand. What I'd do is wrap a towel around it, to make it easier to hold onto. Because once you pick up the chicken, it knows right away what's happening and it starts clawing and pecking and scrabbling for purchase, its body tightens up like wood, and it starts squirming powerfully like a cat to get out of the hold. You have to hold the axe with one hand, so you have to control all this fighting back with just one arm and try and pin its head onto the wood block at the same time. Not easy to do at all.

    I can immediately tell you have never done this. You're supposed to dislocate the skull from the spine when you aren't hanging. You don't just chop it live, they move way too much for that shit. You wait until it stops moving. And if at any point it's able to peck you, you are doing it wrong.
  6. Originally posted by aldra do people actually kill chickens with axes? I thought you were supposed to break their necks

    Yes that's what you do. It flops around for like a minute and then goes limp. It loses the feeling the second you disconnect the spine. I can't even visualize how the fuck SpectraL is saying he did it by himself while the chicken was still alive. It's just cartoonish thinking of him trying to lay it down on the chopping block while it's flapping everywhere.
    The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
  7. Rrr African Astronaut
    Killin chicken nugger niggers
  8. CASPER Soldier of Fourchin
    Thats why generally you break the neck first. You can use any piece of wood on top of the neck,with the birds body pointing away from you (north) then step on top of the piece of wood with both feet, essentially clamping the bird's windpipe, and then pull it back and towards you. Its the only way I was confident enough t do it bc i didnt want to half ass it and leave it all fucked up and in pain. My great grandma used her little .22 revolver with varmint shells, to the back of the head too.
  9. CASPER Soldier of Fourchin
    Originally posted by -SpectraL If you break its neck, it would just go into convulsions on the ground and drag itself around for an hour, but it wouldn't die. Chickens are a lot tougher than people might guess. They want to live very badly. They're real survivors.

    If you separate the birds vertebrae, its not going to be doing anything for an hour. it essentially doesnt have a brain anymore. If you chop, the reason some chickens survive for a while is bc of this

    https://modernfarmer.com/2014/08/heres-chicken-can-live-without-head/
  10. Rrr African Astronaut
    What about flicking it in the head until it has concuddion
  11. aldra JIDF Controlled Opposition
    Originally posted by CASPER If you separate the birds vertebrae, its not going to be doing anything for an hour. it essentially doesnt have a brain anymore. If you chop, the reason some chickens survive for a while is bc of this

    https://modernfarmer.com/2014/08/heres-chicken-can-live-without-head/

    tl;dr: if it sees the axe, it can pre-emptively start growing a second head inside its neck
  12. Originally posted by CASPER If you separate the birds vertebrae, its not going to be doing anything for an hour. it essentially doesnt have a brain anymore. If you chop, the reason some chickens survive for a while is bc of this

    https://modernfarmer.com/2014/08/heres-chicken-can-live-without-head/

    18 months what the fuck
  13. CASPER Soldier of Fourchin
    Trying to get a clean chop on a chikkinhed is hard
  14. Originally posted by MexicanMasterRace Yes that's what you do. It flops around for like a minute and then goes limp. It loses the feeling the second you disconnect the spine. I can't even visualize how the fuck SpectraL is saying he did it by himself while the chicken was still alive. It's just cartoonish thinking of him trying to lay it down on the chopping block while it's flapping everywhere.

    Spectral used to suplex grizzly bears in the Kmart parking lot, he transcends the physical limitations and laws of nature.
  15. -SpectraL coward [the spuriously bluish-lilac bushman]
    This one chicken, I swung and only severed three-quarters of the neck, because its body was squirming and twisting around so much, so its head was just hanging there. And then it started doing its funky chicken routine, the head was just flopping around but didn't come off, and it was running back and forth for a good three minutes. Finally, I had to grab it again and cut the small section that was left and only then it died.
  16. mmQ Lisa Turtle
    Oopsy I'm lowkey drunk at Micks bar
  17. ORACLE Naturally Camouflaged
    It be like that sometimes


  18. What kind of bullshit study is this? Who the hell would find a 25-50 mg dose of doxylamine to be better than 100 mg of Seconal? I take 100 mg of Doxylamine some nights (like tonight) and it doesn't even knock me out, I still have to consciously drag myself to bed and relax myself enough to sleep.
  19. Sudo Black Hole [my hereto riemannian peach]
    take doxepin nigga it'll make you feel terrible, it's great
  20. ORACLE Naturally Camouflaged
    UMPEECHED

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