2019-03-13 at 5:48 PM UTC
Originally posted by hydromorphone
You know, it just hit me that Malice REALLY is gone… like… I knew he was gone. I knew it in my heart of hearts he went through with it… like, I felt a disturbance in the force or some shit, but to KNOW, without that sliver of doubt being there, that little "maybe I'm wrong… I don't think I am, but I hope so…" really hits hard.
I was in a nursing home, not having access to WiFi for what seemed an eternity when BPHR read to me Malice's post. I immediately began crying. I nearly lost it… I knew then there was nothing I could do but I so desperately wanted to.
I don't know now that I want to "save" Malice, but I just wish I could have helped his suffering… I guess because I suffer so similarly… I wish someone would save me or just put me out of my misery.
I've learned one thing, love is really the only thing that matters. When it boils down, that's all we really want. I think that's what Malice wanted, but was too afraid to find. Hell, even for me, intimacy is a scary thing. I don't blame him. Honestly, if I had any sense, I should be just as frightened of it as he was. It hurts. It scars like no other.
I miss Malice a lot. I miss talking to him, asking him advice… the guy helped me A LOT, and I really appreciate the time he took. I wish I could have helped he 1/10th as much as he helped me even…
I've just said fuck it all
Malice wasn't an idiot, he made a calculated scientific assessment of his condition and long term prognosis and decided he wasn't interested in experiencing that so he opted to end his life now rather than endure needless suffering. He was a capable person and didn't really need "help" in my opinion because his decision wasn't made in a rash, irresponsible and emotional manner. It was made after careful planning and research.
The attitude that all people who reach the point Malice did need to be "saved" is what gets dignified death practices such a bad rep. A person can decide that they no longer find life worth living while still being of a clear and sound mind. No one has the right to tell someone that they have no say in whether they continue their own life or not.
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2019-03-13 at 6:23 PM UTC
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2019-03-13 at 6:29 PM UTC
If you ever begin to feel like you don't belong, just remember that there's 7.5 billion people on this planet, and without you, the puzzle just doesn't make sense. Without you, the puzzle falls to pieces and humanity self-destructs. You are an integral part of a massively complex machine, and this machine cannot, absolutely CANNOT, function without you. Realize your importance. Realize your value. Realize how the planet earth and all those who inhabit it, plants and animals alike, would all cease to exist if it weren't for you fitting in the final piece the 7+ billion piece puzzle. Or whatever.
2019-03-13 at 6:35 PM UTC
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2019-03-13 at 7:36 PM UTC
Originally posted by hydromorphone
You know, it just hit me that Malice REALLY is gone… like… I knew he was gone. I knew it in my heart of hearts he went through with it… like, I felt a disturbance in the force or some shit, but to KNOW, without that sliver of doubt being there, that little "maybe I'm wrong… I don't think I am, but I hope so…" really hits hard.
I was in a nursing home, not having access to WiFi for what seemed an eternity when BPHR read to me Malice's post. I immediately began crying. I nearly lost it… I knew then there was nothing I could do but I so desperately wanted to.
I don't know now that I want to "save" Malice, but I just wish I could have helped his suffering… I guess because I suffer so similarly… I wish someone would save me or just put me out of my misery.
I've learned one thing, love is really the only thing that matters. When it boils down, that's all we really want. I think that's what Malice wanted, but was too afraid to find. Hell, even for me, intimacy is a scary thing. I don't blame him. Honestly, if I had any sense, I should be just as frightened of it as he was. It hurts. It scars like no other.
I miss Malice a lot. I miss talking to him, asking him advice… the guy helped me A LOT, and I really appreciate the time he took. I wish I could have helped he 1/10th as much as he helped me even…
I've just said fuck it all, I'm just not as brave as he is. My son is going to have a good life, so that's all that matters. I wrote him a letter for when he's older and can understand. I'm going to miss him a lot. It breaks my heart, but it's for the best most likely. I finally did take the advice of the forum…
Now nothing matters… that's why I'm just going to live a life where I hopefully won't be alive too long. I at least know someone I can trust, so I won't be alone in this misery.
Too bad I fuck up the life I want, now this is what I get. This is what I deserve. I accept my fate. I'm just gonna go until I kill myself or someone on the street kills me.
You're the homie and everything, and obviously I've been there so I get it but...this is just cowardly as fuck. If you think your drug use isn't going to have a PROFOUND effect on your son, you're deluding yourself. Eventually he'll get smart enough to know why mommy keeps needles in a bag under the sink, and why mommy is always sleepy and won't play with him,or why there's dried blood in little patches on the floor. Life will be difficult. But when you had that kid, you really lost any prerogative to be a victim.
He got dragged into this world against his will, in a way less than ideal situation. He deserves a chance. When you're dead In a motel room from overdose, don't think for a minute that he won't use that pain as an excuse to follow in your footsteps. Just picture your son at 20 years old, sinking a needle into the crook of his arm. You're doing him a tremendous disservice. I mean shit my mom went to incredible lengths to raise me by herself, and I ended up being completely fucked up all the same. What chance are you giving him?
That's just the truth.
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2019-03-13 at 7:49 PM UTC
hydro, yeah for sure you are in pain and probably a lot of it, but you have objectively enough painkillers prescribed. You don't NEED to get high on dope, you want to.
You need to go to inpatient rehab or you won't live to see next year, and that's an incredible disservice, because you clearly are a kind social butterfly who I believe wants to generally help people but you refuse to help yourself by lying to yourself.
Go get help. You can change.
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2019-03-13 at 8:20 PM UTC
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2019-03-13 at 8:47 PM UTC
GGG
victim of incest
[my veinlike two-fold aepyornidae]
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2019-03-14 at 12:22 AM UTC
Anyone with an 8"+ member looking for a sloppy bareback blowjob?
2019-03-14 at 12:23 AM UTC
Thanks for spreading plural awareness my puppet
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