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Just got out of the ER
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2017-05-03 at 6:53 PM UTCcan mdnna cure autism
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2017-05-03 at 6:54 PM UTC
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2017-05-03 at 6:56 PM UTC
Originally posted by Malice Scron, you are not okay. Many people here aren't.
RisiR, you need to start seeing a psychiatrist and psychologist. Let go of the past.
Lanny, I think you should consider that your alcoholism could have an underlying issue, even if you're well off in some ways. I honestly didn't realize I was severely depressed until I reached the breaking point. Before 5 years, and some of you may remember how much I used to joke on Zoklet before lapsing into severe depression, I would constantly joke in TRT, write about the countless ideas I had, things I was researching/had an interest in, these enormous well researched walls of text, but even then I wasn't really happy and still incredibly damaged, then breaking point happened and I had a mental breakdown, followed by nothing but everything there is to be sad about in life and a stream of thoughts of suicide.
Phoenix, it's so obvious you aren't okay at all and on some level you know that if you remain on this path things will never change. I know why you want that sense of connection in TinyChat, people to talk to, but it isn't the same. You need people IRL, even a psychiatrist and psychologist, although it may take a bit of time to find one that's a good match for you, and that's normal. Don't get discouraged and give up like I did.
Number13, you had a mental breakdown and became a hiki like me at a considerably younger age, so of course you need similar health.
The Duke, if you're still alive, I hope you made it past your severe alcoholism. It was literally killing you.
Anyone I missed: Even if you're still clinging to this site, it's because it's the only sense of community you had, a place long ago where you felt you truly belonged. If you're spending an inordinate amount of time on here or other places trying to fill the need for people in your life, you're incredibly lonely and need to make a change before things get to this point. We didn't evolve to be alone, we need each other, and there are good people out there.
You're a fucking faggot that needs to get a job I'm writing this with 5 minutes of my smoke break left you fucking Sir cucks a lot. Go to work homo, I was homeless a year ago you whiny little bitch.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2017-05-03 at 6:59 PM UTC
Originally posted by Sophie You cannot possibly know how other people experience life.
I'd highly recommend the webcomic "Adventures In Depression" by Hyperbole and a Half. It's a fun read, and the webcomic is famous, this 2 part series is considered by even professionals as one of the most accurate depictions of what severe depression is like available. It destroys your ability to function, radically alters the way you perceive the world, and kills critical aspects of your humanity.
http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2011/10/adventures-in-depression.html
http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2013/05/depression-part-two.html
Think of all the members of our community that have died in various ways. You may have considered some of them friends. What had they experienced, what were they going through during the time leading up to that to cause them to die?
Originally posted by Phoenix I mean you're not wrong, but whatever. 4 suicide attempts in the last year. I'll succeed eventually. I don't really like TinyChat anymore. Later this week I might be going to see a movie with a friendo I met while I was homeless. I dunno. Psychiatrists and psychologists would be resources better used on people more damaged and more willing to accept help… it'd be selfish to waste their time.
Phoenix, listen to me, this is 100% exactly the kind of attempts at rationalization that people who are severely depressed and suicidal use. To the point. I've read so much it's as clear as day. You have to ask for help, there's no going back from death and you'd feel differently if you did and worked through this. It wasn't scary or degrading for me once I broke through and made that final step. With the right treatment within only a month you can see a remarkable difference.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2017-05-03 at 7 PM UTC
Originally posted by SCronaldo_J_Trump You're a fucking faggot that needs to get a job I'm writing this with 5 minutes of my smoke break left you fucking Sir cucks a lot. Go to work homo, I was homeless a year ago you whiny little bitch.
SCron, what are you talking about? Do you honestly not remember all the threads you made where you clearly had serious problems and were about to do something incredibly stupid?
I'm not saying this to insult you at all, it's because I know what it's like in some ways, although I can never fully understand since I haven't lived your life. -
2017-05-03 at 7:11 PM UTCAlso, went to Walmart for the first time in god knows how long to fill my prescription. Made an effort to say high to people. Was walking around waiting to pick them up, went to the electronic section at some point, after buying some things for the feral cats I've been taking care of and trying to get to trust and get used to people so one day they can go to a good home. The person at the cashier section had two bottles of cough syrup, and asked me, "The red one or the blue one" because of my hair and the way I was dressed, with a business style blazer, sunglasses, and my new haircut (Wasn't going for The Matrix, tbh). Mind went blank and I chose blue for some reason without a witty response (Would have said: Blue for now, I want to wait until Elon Musk saves us all and we merge with general intelligence. That red world looked pretty bad.)
At the cashier I made a joke/small talk for the first time in my life. It was small cute Asian girl, seemed like she wasn't born in the US (I don't judge).
After placing all the other items, including the ones for the cats I made a silly joke by holding up these two:
And saying, "Hey look, one for them and one for me."
She laughed and said "How cute."The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2017-05-03 at 7:14 PM UTC
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2017-05-03 at 7:38 PM UTChow do i ascribe muh desprissions to the doc also to get bux
idk wot words to put got no sef harm scars unless acne counts
Post last edited by bling bling at 2017-05-03T19:44:40.601640+00:00 -
2017-05-03 at 7:38 PM UTC
Originally posted by Malice I'm on the autism spectrum. Read about the intense world theory. It affects you profoundly. There were countless things that contributed to this. The anxiety and fear is always there and far beyond the normal range of human experience, your negative emotional responses are intense due to hypertrophy of the amygdala, severe OCD from abnormally low serotonin levels and other things cause them to be ingrained, you're bombarded by an immense amount of sensory information.
You don't end up like this without having something profoundly wrong with you to begin with. I was undiagnosed, school was hell for me after elementary, I was always suffering in silence, my family barely spoke to each other, father was unbelievably angry and irritable. Tons of other fucked up shit happened that would take a long time to explain.
There's a misconception about PTSD that it's only caused by one major event, but it can be from multiple over the years, things over a prolonged period. I had literally been in a state of suicidal depression for the past 3 years, severely depressed for 2 before that, although I didn't realize it until the breaking point when I had a mental breakdown. Began locking myself away, the world closing off around me, to an extreme extent. It's not all in your brain, this is one of the worst misconceptions about mental illness, people who have never experienced it themselves often don't understand, say the worst things, and see themselves as superior.
"She seemed so accomplished and happy, always had (put on, like a mask) a smile on her face. What happened? Well, people like you can miss the signs and, tragically, suicide happens. Then things are never the same and they always wonder why and if they could have done anything different. Severe mental illness can happen for no reason at all, due to a genetic predisposition.
People with Asperger's have a life expectancy 12 years shorter than average because the suicide rate is so high, there's a 65% comorbidity with severe depression and anxiety, thoughts of suicide are 10X the average, even among children and teens on the autism spectrum the rate of suicide is 10-20x normal, children, life outcomes are very poor.
Have you ever seen an autistic person? It's a horrendous disorder that destroy lives and families. You don't know what it's like and everything I've been though.
I was watching a show earlier about a little girl that was diagnosed with schizophrenia at 6 years old. I felt horrible imagining her fate. Later her little brother was also diagnosed with schizophrenia. At that point I felt worse for the parents. I couldn't imagine having to watch my children suffer like that. -
2017-05-03 at 7:42 PM UTCpay me to come to ur house i make u food i sleep on floor i make it cheap for u just pay me ticket to east coast or canada i make my way to sfThe following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2017-05-03 at 8 PM UTC
Originally posted by Malice SCron, what are you talking about? Do you honestly not remember all the threads you made where you clearly had serious problems and were about to do something incredibly stupid?
I'm not saying this to insult you at all, it's because I know what it's like in some ways, although I can never fully understand since I haven't lived your life.
I think a lot of people post here for cathartic reasons..
But If you'd already been off the alcohol that long you shouldn't really be worrying about having a seizure, that happen like 12-16 hours after quitting if you're really that deep in it. I don't know how old you are but going to ER for a second time after being out of the hospital for 2 days kinda seems like a lot to go through just for a shot of ativan. Should of just called up lanny and talked to him.
But hey I guess if you have medical insurance its all good. my buddy gave me a few doses of gabapentin and I've been 4 days with out alcohol.
Though last night I had a chicken come over and she spent the night, but I could barely sleep still took some benadrly and melatonin and it helped for a couple hours, woke up from a nightmare thinking danny glover was the new freddy kruger and clawed my stomach up. Hope you feel better sooner than later.
I'm still getting hot flashes which suck in the texas heat.
Might want to try and do something to help you detox quicker so you won't feel the need for benzos because as I recall several weeks ago weren't you taking ezitiolam or something when you crashed your moms car? Probably shouldn't do that anymore. -
2017-05-03 at 8:08 PM UTCshud i tap off the kpins i havent had none for like 3 days but i wos shouting at my mom yeterday
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2017-05-03 at 8:15 PM UTC
Originally posted by Malice I'm on the autism spectrum. Read about the intense world theory. It affects you profoundly. There were countless things that contributed to this. The anxiety and fear is always there and far beyond the normal range of human experience, your negative emotional responses are intense due to hypertrophy of the amygdala, severe OCD from abnormally low serotonin levels and other things cause them to be ingrained, you're bombarded by an immense amount of sensory information.
You don't end up like this without having something profoundly wrong with you to begin with. I was undiagnosed, school was hell for me after elementary, I was always suffering in silence, my family barely spoke to each other, father was unbelievably angry and irritable. Tons of other fucked up shit happened that would take a long time to explain.
There's a misconception about PTSD that it's only caused by one major event, but it can be from multiple over the years, things over a prolonged period. I had literally been in a state of suicidal depression for the past 3 years, severely depressed for 2 before that, although I didn't realize it until the breaking point when I had a mental breakdown. Began locking myself away, the world closing off around me, to an extreme extent. It's not all in your brain, this is one of the worst misconceptions about mental illness, people who have never experienced it themselves often don't understand, say the worst things, and see themselves as superior.
"She seemed so accomplished and happy, always had (put on, like a mask) a smile on her face. What happened? Well, people like you can miss the signs and, tragically, suicide happens. Then things are never the same and they always wonder why and if they could have done anything different. Severe mental illness can happen for no reason at all, due to a genetic predisposition.
People with Asperger's have a life expectancy 12 years shorter than average because the suicide rate is so high, there's a 65% comorbidity with severe depression and anxiety, thoughts of suicide are 10X the average, even among children and teens on the autism spectrum the rate of suicide is 10-20x normal, children, life outcomes are very poor.
Have you ever seen an autistic person? It's a horrendous disorder that destroy lives and families. You don't know what it's like and everything I've been though.
Reminds of this.
rite in the feels, i cri evrytiem -
2017-05-03 at 8:18 PM UTC
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2017-05-03 at 8:23 PM UTCWhy am I even reading this thread
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2017-05-03 at 8:30 PM UTC
Originally posted by Malice I'd highly recommend the webcomic "Adventures In Depression" by Hyperbole and a Half. It's a fun read, and the webcomic is famous, this 2 part series is considered by even professionals as one of the most accurate depictions of what severe depression is like available. It destroys your ability to function, radically alters the way you perceive the world, and kills critical aspects of your humanity.
http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2011/10/adventures-in-depression.html
http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2013/05/depression-part-two.html
Think of all the members of our community that have died in various ways. You may have considered some of them friends. What had they experienced, what were they going through during the time leading up to that to cause them to die?
Phoenix, listen to me, this is 100% exactly the kind of attempts at rationalization that people who are severely depressed and suicidal use. To the point. I've read so much it's as clear as day. You have to ask for help, there's no going back from death and you'd feel differently if you did and worked through this. It wasn't scary or degrading for me once I broke through and made that final step. With the right treatment within only a month you can see a remarkable difference.
The comics were awesome, thank you for recommending them. -
2017-05-03 at 8:33 PM UTC
Originally posted by Kolokol-1 Dammit this makes me the resident hiki doesn't it
Now that I read into it a bit more hiki doesn't really fit me other than the removing myself from society
I still go to work and everything
I just don't like to talk to anyone or do anything social unless I absolutely have to -
2017-05-03 at 8:34 PM UTC
Originally posted by Malice Number13, you had a mental breakdown and became a hiki like me at a considerably younger age, so of course you need similar health.
Missed this the first time while skimming but saw it in a reply.
I'm working on myself still, building myself up and all, my main obstacle to a relatively normal life right now is my lack of education and social skills but the latter I'm working on too.
A year ago I wouldn't go out, would avoid guests and such like the plague but I've improved since we had to move, I go out now and can talk with random people even if just to say nice weather(it's england, it's shit weather) which I wouldn't have been able to do before.
Been going to see movies, even went on my own for the first time like a proper sperg but it felt good you know? (also ghost in the shell live action was shit)
Right now I'm the happiest I've been and I think it's gonna get better than that.
But thanks, Malice, thanks for remembering me and reaching out like that, I appreciate it.
Also nice hair cut bruh 👌The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2017-05-03 at 8:50 PM UTC
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2017-05-03 at 8:51 PM UTC
