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Just got out of the ER
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2017-05-03 at 9:17 AM UTC
Originally posted by SCronaldo_J_Trump Thats what you get for taking shitty RCs like tpain and nsi89 and god knows what else.
I do bundy, meth, cannabis and drink beer and I work every day. When I watched NHK I was on heroin at the crack shack but I never even thought about going to the hospital unless it was to pretend to be a junkie and get more opiates
Scron, you are not okay. Many people here aren't.
RisiR, you need to start seeing a psychiatrist and psychologist. Let go of the past.
Lanny, I think you should consider that your alcoholism could have an underlying issue, even if you're well off in some ways. I honestly didn't realize I was severely depressed until I reached the breaking point. Before 5 years, and some of you may remember how much I used to joke on Zoklet before lapsing into severe depression, I would constantly joke in TRT, write about the countless ideas I had, things I was researching/had an interest in, these enormous well researched walls of text, but even then I wasn't really happy and still incredibly damaged, then breaking point happened and I had a mental breakdown, followed by nothing but everything there is to be sad about in life and a stream of thoughts of suicide.
Phoenix, it's so obvious you aren't okay at all and on some level you know that if you remain on this path things will never change. I know why you want that sense of connection in TinyChat, people to talk to, but it isn't the same. You need people IRL, even a psychiatrist and psychologist, although it may take a bit of time to find one that's a good match for you, and that's normal. Don't get discouraged and give up like I did.
Number13, you had a mental breakdown and became a hiki like me at a considerably younger age, so of course you need similar health.
The Duke, if you're still alive, I hope you made it past your severe alcoholism. It was literally killing you.
Anyone I missed: Even if you're still clinging to this site, it's because it's the only sense of community you had, a place long ago where you felt you truly belonged. If you're spending an inordinate amount of time on here or other places trying to fill the need for people in your life, you're incredibly lonely and need to make a change before things get to this point. We didn't evolve to be alone, we need each other, and there are good people out there.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2017-05-03 at 9:41 AM UTCI want to hang out with malus
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2017-05-03 at 9:57 AM UTCI actually would be willing to meet up with people now. As awkward as it may feel beforehand, we can just pop some xanax, smoke weed, and relax. There are a lot of things to do where you don't necessarily have to talk that much, but they're still fun to do with others and it's nice to have someone there.
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2017-05-03 at 9:59 AM UTCThe following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2017-05-03 at 10:03 AM UTC
Originally posted by reject Lanny gon' get raped
Is it the hair? We punks aren't as scary as we seem.
All kidding aside, I'm literally close to being asexual right now and would never do that to someone, and have never felt the urge to. That just isn't who I am.
But I'm not asking to meet with anyone, I just meant if anyone requested it I may be up for it, with no one in mind *shrugs* -
2017-05-03 at 10:04 AM UTC
Originally posted by Malice Is it the hair? We punks aren't as scary as we seem.
All kidding aside, I'm literally close to being asexual right now and would never do that to someone, and have never felt the urge to. That just isn't who I am.
But I'm not asking to meet with anyone, I just meant if anyone requested it I may be up for it, with no one in mind *shrugs*
You actually seem happier already.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2017-05-03 at 10:09 AM UTCI am, I broke through. I'm still severely depressed and will need to be on medication for the rest of my life, which I'm okay with, we're all dependant on something to live and popping pills a few times a day isn't even nearly as intensive as having to eat, but the worst part is over. I don't think I'll ever become this bad again, and if I feel like I'm starting to, I'll ask for help.
It's finally behind me, and even though I'll need years to fully recover, everything's going to be okay now. Even my bloodwork came back fine, thank god. I can move forward.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2017-05-03 at 11:07 AM UTC
Originally posted by Malice I am, I broke through. I'm still severely depressed and will need to be on medication for the rest of my life, which I'm okay with, we're all dependant on something to live and popping pills a few times a day isn't even nearly as intensive as having to eat, but the worst part is over. I don't think I'll ever become this bad again, and if I feel like I'm starting to, I'll ask for help.
It's finally behind me, and even though I'll need years to fully recover, everything's going to be okay now. Even my bloodwork came back fine, thank god. I can move forward.
Nothing left now but to kill yourself. -
2017-05-03 at 11:10 AM UTC???
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2017-05-03 at 11:10 AM UTC
Originally posted by Malice Scron, you are not okay. Many people here aren't.
RisiR, you need to start seeing a psychiatrist and psychologist. Let go of the past.
Lanny, I think you should consider that your alcoholism could have an underlying issue, even if you're well off in some ways. I honestly didn't realize I was severely depressed until I reached the breaking point. Before 5 years, and some of you may remember how much I used to joke on Zoklet before lapsing into severe depression, I would constantly joke in TRT, write about the countless ideas I had, things I was researching/had an interest in, these enormous well researched walls of text, but even then I wasn't really happy and still incredibly damaged, then breaking point happened and I had a mental breakdown, followed by nothing but everything there is to be sad about in life and a stream of thoughts of suicide.
Phoenix, it's so obvious you aren't okay at all and on some level you know that if you remain on this path things will never change. I know why you want that sense of connection in TinyChat, people to talk to, but it isn't the same. You need people IRL, even a psychiatrist and psychologist, although it may take a bit of time to find one that's a good match for you, and that's normal. Don't get discouraged and give up like I did.
Number13, you had a mental breakdown and became a hiki like me at a considerably younger age, so of course you need similar health.
The Duke, if you're still alive, I hope you made it past your severe alcoholism. It was literally killing you.
Anyone I missed: Even if you're still clinging to this site, it's because it's the only sense of community you had, a place long ago where you felt you truly belonged. If you're spending an inordinate amount of time on here or other places trying to fill the need for people in your life, you're incredibly lonely and need to make a change before things get to this point. We didn't evolve to be alone, we need each other, and there are good people out there.
Damn, I already feel grateful about my life. But reading this made me feel like Superman, thanks for the pick me up. -
2017-05-03 at 11:15 AM UTC
Originally posted by Malice I am, I broke through. I'm still severely depressed and will need to be on medication for the rest of my life, which I'm okay with, we're all dependant on something to live and popping pills a few times a day isn't even nearly as intensive as having to eat, but the worst part is over. I don't think I'll ever become this bad again, and if I feel like I'm starting to, I'll ask for help.
It's finally behind me, and even though I'll need years to fully recover, everything's going to be okay now. Even my bloodwork came back fine, thank god. I can move forward.
Malice, I'm glad you're doing better. Honestly I am.
But you talk like you've been in a war zone and watched all of your closest buddies get blown to bits right in front of you. Recover from what? Your self imposed misery? The fuck, dude. There are people who experience real, traumatic things in life, and you ain't one of them. I don't get it.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2017-05-03 at 11:17 AM UTC
Originally posted by Dargo Malice, I'm glad you're doing better. Honestly I am.
But you talk like you've been in a war zone and watched all of your closest buddies get blown to bits right in front of you. Recover from what? Your self imposed misery? The fuck, dude. There are people who experience real, traumatic things in life, and you ain't one of them. I don't get it.
You cannot possibly know how other people experience life.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2017-05-03 at 11:29 AM UTC
Originally posted by Malice Phoenix, it's so obvious you aren't okay at all and on some level you know that if you remain on this path things will never change. I know why you want that sense of connection in TinyChat, people to talk to, but it isn't the same. You need people IRL, even a psychiatrist and psychologist, although it may take a bit of time to find one that's a good match for you, and that's normal. Don't get discouraged and give up like I did.
I mean you're not wrong, but whatever. 4 suicide attempts in the last year. I'll succeed eventually. I don't really like TinyChat anymore. Later this week I might be going to see a movie with a friendo I met while I was homeless. I dunno. Psychiatrists and psychologists would be resources better used on people more damaged and more willing to accept help... it'd be selfish to waste their time.
I'm glad you're doing better. Aside from the fact that you're in a hospital bed in those pics you look good. Sorry/not sorry that you broke - it's a rough experience, but here's to a brighter future for you, eh? -
2017-05-03 at 11:30 AM UTCSF General or Parnassus ?
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2017-05-03 at 11:31 AM UTCrumage through the drawers and counters to see what nifty freebees you can find. like gloves, giant swabs, ketchup or other condiments
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2017-05-03 at 6:27 PM UTC
Originally posted by Sophie You cannot possibly know how other people experience life.
This is true, who knows maybe malice is the most depressed person on this site, but what I think dargo is getting at is malice came off as a sensationalist / pretentious in this thread over his depression and alcoholism.
And his whole, I hate everyone, people are a cancer, and I'm a recluse attitude isn't helping him and if he hates society that much, well then he's never going to get better.
I'm not mr perfect and have my bouts of being in my own head and not wanting to leave my place but I eventually snap myself out of it and go and have some fun out in the world
Post last edited by Bill Krozby at 2017-05-03T18:30:22.616291+00:00 -
2017-05-03 at 6:30 PM UTC
The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2017-05-03 at 6:49 PM UTC
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2017-05-03 at 6:50 PM UTC
Originally posted by Dargo Malice, I'm glad you're doing better. Honestly I am.
But you talk like you've been in a war zone and watched all of your closest buddies get blown to bits right in front of you. Recover from what? Your self imposed misery? The fuck, dude. There are people who experience real, traumatic things in life, and you ain't one of them. I don't get it.
I'm on the autism spectrum. Read about the intense world theory. It affects you profoundly. There were countless things that contributed to this. The anxiety and fear is always there and far beyond the normal range of human experience, your negative emotional responses are intense due to hypertrophy of the amygdala, severe OCD from abnormally low serotonin levels and other things cause them to be ingrained, you're bombarded by an immense amount of sensory information.
You don't end up like this without having something profoundly wrong with you to begin with. I was undiagnosed, school was hell for me after elementary, I was always suffering in silence, my family barely spoke to each other, father was unbelievably angry and irritable. Tons of other fucked up shit happened that would take a long time to explain.
There's a misconception about PTSD that it's only caused by one major event, but it can be from multiple over the years, things over a prolonged period. I had literally been in a state of suicidal depression for the past 3 years, severely depressed for 2 before that, although I didn't realize it until the breaking point when I had a mental breakdown. Began locking myself away, the world closing off around me, to an extreme extent. It's not all in your brain, this is one of the worst misconceptions about mental illness, people who have never experienced it themselves often don't understand, say the worst things, and see themselves as superior.
"She seemed so accomplished and happy, always had (put on, like a mask) a smile on her face. What happened? Well, people like you can miss the signs and, tragically, suicide happens. Then things are never the same and they always wonder why and if they could have done anything different. Severe mental illness can happen for no reason at all, due to a genetic predisposition.
People with Asperger's have a life expectancy 12 years shorter than average because the suicide rate is so high, there's a 65% comorbidity with severe depression and anxiety, thoughts of suicide are 10X the average, even among children and teens on the autism spectrum the rate of suicide is 10-20x normal, children, life outcomes are very poor.
Have you ever seen an autistic person? It's a horrendous disorder that destroy lives and families. You don't know what it's like and everything I've been though. -
2017-05-03 at 6:51 PM UTC
