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Posts by SpatianHaigency

  1. SpatianHaigency Tuskegee Airman
    I got the giggles from weed last night in the first time in ages. It seems like years since I've got so high I laughed uncontrollably.
    does anyone care about the superbowl in england
  2. SpatianHaigency Tuskegee Airman
    Oh, memories: http://web.archive.org/web/201409301...672320/photo/1




    Ha, Vibram Fivefingers, shorts, and a fanny pack.

    I still had some potential, but it only took about a 1-2 years afterward to finally breakdown. I remember having a shroom trip afterward where I the theme was reflecting on this and feeling beneath everyone, having some visuals of being beneath the surface, somewhat transparent, but with a wide range of awareness, everyone passing me by, disconnected. I just couldn't feel anything, that was what I had really wanted, to be able to feel something.
    Jesus look at that fag in the plaid skinny jeans. Its really not shocking one would want to spend his life indoors just so he doesn't have to be around Oakland people. You should move to Texas when (not if) you get into a better state of mind.
  3. SpatianHaigency Tuskegee Airman
    You've dabbled with increasing your test levels through exercise and such right? How'd you feel when you were exercising regularly? I know thats probably only a drop in the bucket in your case but if you felt better you might consider getting some of dat dere TRT. More testosterone is a more effective antidepressant than any SSRI, in men any ways.
  4. SpatianHaigency Tuskegee Airman
    My car's alternator has gone to shit because the power steering pump has a leak and spewed PS Fluid all over it wtf. maybe i can just get the PS pump rebuilt so i don't have to buy a new one.
  5. SpatianHaigency Tuskegee Airman
    You watching/listening to the Liverpool game? I just checked the score, the fuck is going on. Do Liverpool even play with a defence or keeper.
    yeah that match was fucking crazy. I'm pretty sure every shot that was taken resulted in a goal.
  6. SpatianHaigency Tuskegee Airman


    Woah, 282. Randomly decided to give it a try after who knows how long and got this on my 3rd or 4th round. Despite being in a major depressive state, all the damage that's been done, and having taken etizolam. It's possible the fasoracetam I took counteracted some of this, it's what I think enabled me to achieve my insane score of 55 on flappy plane. Very fascinating nootropic to experiment with. It definitely does something, the effect takes a few hours at most to kick in, and is powerful. It's actually the only racetam I've noticed a distinct positive effect from.

    I wonder what the max I'll be able to achieve will be if my treatment plan works out, which I don't see how it couldn't. Appointment on Monday.
    Do you plan to disclose to your therapist all the exotic nootropics you've been taking?
  7. SpatianHaigency Tuskegee Airman
    what was that al-lad source from canada someone posted a while back
  8. SpatianHaigency Tuskegee Airman
    i thought all forum software was the same and you just turned it on when you bought the website name
  9. SpatianHaigency Tuskegee Airman
    I make up for my lack of working smartly with hard work
  10. SpatianHaigency Tuskegee Airman
    at my new job they already gave me keys to place i don't know what they're thinking. i have to go in tomorrow and load up one of the delivery trucks i'm going to be the only person there hope I don't fuck anything up
  11. SpatianHaigency Tuskegee Airman
    What would you do if you realized you had been blacking out, with large gaps in your memory of long periods during certain days, and by chance came across a pile of clothes with what looked like massive dried bloodstains hidden somewhere in your apartment in a place where normally you'd never look?
    wonder why i started eating benzos again.

    Didn't Totse close this day back in 2009 or did we already pass it? It was in January I'm pretty sure.
  12. SpatianHaigency Tuskegee Airman
    i turn 25 in 4 months i should probably start trying to accomplish something or other
  13. SpatianHaigency Tuskegee Airman
    Malice is the therapy going well.
  14. SpatianHaigency Tuskegee Airman
    So I've concluded the weird ass super-vivid dreams I have when I'm away from home are actually alcohol withdrawal. Was away for new years, didn't drink for like 4 days before because I was with family and had super intense/strange dreams every night starting day two, then drank the following two days, no dreams. Every time I have a run of time without drinking it happens again. Wierd because it's pretty much the only symptom. Not sure if it just happens that when I'm on vacation I'm in a better mood but I've always felt great during the day, just sleeping that's uncomfortable.

    Guess I'm going to have to cut back a bit… starting next week.
    Its not alcohol withdrawal per se, in reality it is your pineal gland being clean and uncalcified from your alcohol abstination and you are experiencing clear dreams because your kundalini has unwound from the base of your spine and is communicating through your chakras with your pineal gland.
  15. SpatianHaigency Tuskegee Airman
    I got the server job. Almost as informal as my last serving job at ihop. Called yesterday, manager told me to come down in the morning, so I did. Asked me right off the bad what size shirt I needed nd asked me to write my info down on a napkin. I start tomorrow at 7am-2pm. Got my uniform, and now Im trying to find a babysitter and a ride to work tomorrow. Hopefully it works out. cant wait to be making tips again, hopefully Ill do alright in this one horse town.
    Cool i hope i hope it goes well and you get tipped a lot.

    I started my new job today, and fucked up one of the delivery trucks lol. I've never driven a big ass truck like that and my "lead" was like yo move that bitch over there to fuel it up. It was like 100 yards so I figured I could handle it but I didn't have clearance and scraped the side-step-rail on the yellow cement barrier lol. Thought I was fired for sure but my actual manager came in from out of town and told me not to worry about it and he's taking the blame for it cos he should have been there on my first day yada yada. The guy I'm working with said most likely the manager will get fired, he'll take the manager's job, and I'll take his job, so it all works out good tbh.
  16. SpatianHaigency Tuskegee Airman
    New year, new me. but for real 7 months sober daresay I feel great. Its nice to be able to leave the house without a bottle of etizolam and to be able to form memories and shit. Anyone out there thats fucked on benzos I promise you it is possible to get clean. Last night I got drunk by myself and read through some old journal entries/poetry I wrote while I was in the thick of it all. God damn that was sad but a good reminder to how absolute fucking shit it was coming clean I'm glad I wrote it down.

    Got a new job starting Monday where I'll be making more money in less hours than I was at my other shit part time job and its set schedule of M-F so maybe I'll be able to like make plans and have fun and stuff starting this new year.
  17. SpatianHaigency Tuskegee Airman
    Oh ok I don't know that then. Liverpool won again just now despite Benteke missing yet another easy 1-on-1 goal that would've sealed it.
  18. SpatianHaigency Tuskegee Airman
    Empathy is a cunt, sometimes I wish I couldn't feel for other people, love them. Being in love is the worst, the way it makes you feel.
    i kno how u feel but its nice when some1 cares in return even if its a lot less than ur level of caredom but its nice
  19. SpatianHaigency Tuskegee Airman
    I was reminded of something which then also reminded me of Po


    I don't want to play this game. I never asked for this, I just wanted to be happy alone. I want to become a wirehead and just ride out my days until the singularity or preservation. I have immense internal resistance to this idea.
    I find group situations ezier and more fun than one on one is this autism?
  20. SpatianHaigency Tuskegee Airman
    Does it crank over?
    It wasn't, but I got it started. It was this little wire, I'm assuming it was a ground. I had it plugged in last night and was getting 0 power to anything when it was connected so I just wrote it off. Plugged it in again today and it fired right up. Probably just had coolant or some shit all over it last night.
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