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Posts by SpatianHaigency
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2015-08-08 at 12:45 PM UTC in Add emoticonsAlso add facebook emojis pls :cry: :cry: :cry:cry: :cry: :cry:cry: :cry: :cry:cry: :cry: :cry:
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2015-08-04 at 2:49 AM UTC in The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first edition
What was the ritual like? I'm curious. How'd you get invited into something like that? Why don't you wanna go to the Satanist thing?
Was invited by a friend of a friend. No idea where she met this guy, it was her first time going too. Nearly everyone there worked at one of the local colleges, or newspaper, and generally very liberal crowd. I had met a few them before at the big gay party thing when the first gay marriage license was issued here and also at the local Unitarian Universalist Church. I don't know where you live but surely there is a Universalist Church around you. These lot weren't particularly secretive about it, just go to the church service and drop some reference and I bet you get an invite.
The ritual was kind of like a Thanksgiving prayer thing for reference. Some Celtic God of abundance, I forget the name. Started off we were all standing in a circle around a fire, Sat on a table four candles were lit, they were arranged in a diamond representing North East South & West. A giant singing bowl was played a few times and then they started singing a hymn while a guy walked around the circle and fanned burning sage smoke on every one, the singing stopped when he was finished and this one chick talked about the Celtic deity and explained the ritual (lammas first harvest of fall). Then someone brought out faggots of sticks and we meditated/prayed/whatever silently while holding the faggots for roughly 10 minutes. Were told to think about whats abundant in our lives and what we would like to be abundant in our lives and channel it into the faggot then toss it into the fire when we ready and then watch the fire because sometimes the fire will talk to you. I saw green and blue flames amongst the normal fire I assume the faggots were marinated in some chemical. Then we passed around a bottle of meade and chatted about whatever. Then the singing bowl was played again and we held hands and sang another hymn. We did this thing to close the ritual and the candles were blown out and we went inside and ate bread that was baked in pentagram and Yggdrasil shapes. There were some breads shaped like cocks too for whatever reason. Then it was basically a normal dinner party affair after that. Overall a cool experience, I plan to go to every ritual they throw together from now on. I'll eventually have to lead the ritual though since it changes every time so I should probably read something more about it. They said last time they did a Nordic ritual rather than Celtic so I suppose I'd be free to use whatever Mythos I want. Maybe I can get some Crowley sex magick going.
As for the Satanist thing, have you met a Satanist? This guy and his gf seemed cool, but every other Satanist I've met is a total cunt who I'd rather not associate with. -
2015-08-03 at 3:16 AM UTC in The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first editionI went to pagan ritual for the first time. One guy, the bf of one of my old college professors (whom I was hoping wouldn't recognise me but she did) invited me to a Satanist thing next week I think I'll give that a pass though. Happy Lammas everyone.
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2015-08-01 at 5:47 PM UTC in Alcohol is the shitShiner anything. haven't tried the prickly pear yet though.
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2015-08-01 at 2:51 PM UTC in The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first edition60 days sober, I'm actually doing it.
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2015-07-30 at 8:41 PM UTC in InhalantsJust hold your breath.
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2015-07-28 at 3:02 AM UTC in QUeen's Guard v Secret ServiceI think queen's guard are better just look at all the dumb shit that happens at the white house like random fucks showing up at dinner parties and drone's landing on the lawn and shit you don't hear about that shit happenin at the queen's house.
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2015-07-28 at 1:12 AM UTC in The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first edition
Yeah, if I had tits I'd look at least 25.
The state of you current tits already make you look 21 apparently. -
2015-07-27 at 5:35 PM UTC in The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first edition
Of course I have, I think I mentioned it a lot in the retarded thread on Zoklet last year. I was seriously considering having myself cryogenically frozen upon death to hopefully have a second chance, possibly funding it via life insurance, my death made to look like a murder or accident. Fortunately I've never felt I was on the verge of killing myself, just having regular death fantasies and ruminating on the concept, not being able to imagine continuing like this for years.
I've been thinking about it too. Of course I don't think I'll ever do it but I'm sure every person who's ever offed themselves thought that at first. I've been thinking "it'd be cool if someone just came and took me out" like take the pressure of making the decision of dying out of my hands. I think I'll talk to my doctor this week. -
2015-07-27 at 11:44 AM UTC in The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first edition
May be at the start of another breakdown. Woke up after falling asleep for an hour with a sense of mild-moderate panic, mild-moderate probably only because I've lost my emotions, the ability to feel, to such a great extent. Rocking myself and repeating the phrase "I'm afraid." in my mind. Because I've become so depressed and have lost the ability to function to such a great extent and it only seems to be getting worse, because I can't find and meaning and purpose in life, any sense of happiness and fulfillment, literally anything I want to do, and have such severe anhedonia I barely feel any pleasure in life. You probably won't be able to grasp the full extent of what it's really like, what it does to you to have essentially put yourself in solitary confinement for over ten years because you can't accept what people and life are, and just can't feel any sense of connection to other people, and even if you tried your brain is atypical, your fundamental ability to empathize (autism spectrum) has been demonstrated to undeniably be dysfunctional, and it's been so long you've developed such an immense resistance, it's literally altered your neurological development to a great extent having gone into seclusion so early in life, to such a great extent, and for such a prolonged period, that it could take years of constant serious effort to gain any semblance of normality, like rehabilitation for severe PTSD and other disorders, having come back from being a prisoner of war. It's repeatedly been demonstrated to be one of the most inhumane and harmful forms of punishment over the long term, everyone breaks eventually.
just wondering, but have you ever thought about suicide? not suggesting it i know it sounds like that but i'm just curious.
I wasn't exaggerating when I said I was considering having myself hospitalized when I was in the pit of depression last year, just calling 911 and telling them the situation so something would finally change. -
2015-07-25 at 9:37 PM UTC in komo be up off in da labnice looking mushrooms
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2015-07-25 at 2:18 PM UTC in syncans are like 50 times more addictive than heroinI'd say it's probably easier to get hooked on considering you only need a few mgs of some to get blasted and you can buy multiple grams of the shit for cheap so you're going to be smoking it a lot. IDK, I went through 5 grams of of ABFUBINACA, smoking every day, and didn't feel any withdrawals but then again I was fucked on etizolam and xanax and mxe that whole time too so I was probably too high to notice.
But opiates feel about 500000^5000000 x better than cannabinoids so theres that. -
2015-07-24 at 12:32 PM UTC in The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first edition
Skol was what I always used to drink but I was evidently the only one of my friends who could tolerate it
Skol or Mckormick's vodka. -
2015-07-22 at 3:23 AM UTC in The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first edition
I was considering getting some benzos but I don't want to waste the money if it's not going to work
T-PAIN makes you feel good is relatively harmless. Really short high and tolerance builds quickly, so be sure to buy a lot.
also probably going to try T-PAIN and possibly baclofen
On the topic of T-PAIN, anyone know what it shows up for on a drug test if anything? The last drug test I took the only drugs I was doing were benzos and tienptine and somehow barbituates showed up. -
2015-07-20 at 4:07 PM UTC in I can feel the upregulationI can't
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2015-07-16 at 5:08 AM UTC in Nostalgia Time: What was your first thread and/or post?that shit looks hard.
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2015-07-16 at 4:21 AM UTC in Nostalgia Time: What was your first thread and/or post?I have no idea. Also I kind of miss the ability to look at my posts from years past. It was kind of like having a journal to look back on.
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2015-07-15 at 5:03 PM UTC in Where did everybody go?I think most people have just given up after so much forum-hopping.
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2015-07-15 at 4:43 PM UTC in The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first editionSobriety + 0 will power has led to me packing on 30lbs in a span of ~6 weeks. I don't feel like I've put on a shit load of weight in terms of speed/athletic ability nor look it according to others but at this pace I'll have an unhealthy BMI for my height in 2 weeks time. My stomach is like a bottomless pit its fucking odd. This is an eating disorder right? Surely this is less healthy than occasional drug use.
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2015-07-13 at 10:57 PM UTC in The retarded thread: Fuck, §m£ÂgØL made one first edition
You should have rolled with the punch. You could have come out the winner later on. Gotta take the good with bad to get anywhere in life. Life is not all roses. A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. Never look a gift horse in the teeth. The grass is always greener on the other side. To err is human, to moo, bovine.
I may have if people who have been working there for less than 4 months and do less than half the work I pull would have got their pay drastically reduced before mine was, but it didn't play out like that.
I could go on…