I got a story. My brother and I went on a trip. Drove 9 hours east to go find ammonites and stay at a buddies place. My brother, he smokes a ton of pot. A ton. So we're driving around looking for good fossil hunting spots that hopefully no one has found yet. Hiking here and there, driving down back roads and hiking again. Just searching the area for good formations.
We're driving down the main road looking for another off road and a trooper passes us. He slows down and I say, "Dude. You're getting pulled over." He does and they take him out of the vehicle to the cruiser. I'm thinking we're fucked. I don't smoke personally and I don't know how this is going to play out.
One of the cops come up to my window and tells me he smelled marijuana. I told him I don't smoke and my brother told me he had his green card. So I sit in the car for 20 minutes looking in the mirror as they're giving him all the tests and have him blow into the breathalyzer. I have no service or anything on my phone. I'm thinking I'm fucked. It's balls to the wall windy and I'm watching this bird trying to probably get home. Like Bob Seger he's going against the wind. Every time the bird flys up it goes 5 feet back. I feel for the bird because I think I too, am fucked.
My brother comes to the truck with the two cops and opens up his container of pot to show them. Apparently one of the cops had never seen pot before and asked if he could see. My brother, fucking love that kid, 'Oh yeah! No problem!' Then showed them some of the fossils we had found. The cops let us on our way and my brother said, "I forgot that I have a hand gun under the seat." I reply, "Is it from dad?". He assures it is. "Dude, dad has never registered a gun in his life. So you got pulled over, claimed you have weed with an unregistered gun under the front seat. That's hilarious."
And when they breathalyzed him it showed all zeros. The cops joked that he blew donuts. It took a couple hours later before I got the joke.
I've having a stressful time and now I have another 100% custom LOLcat in THE LONGEST THREAD ON THE INTERNET?
Give me some space people. Big things going on.
I need a new computer key board. Going back through what I wrote today. Jesus. I'm not that bad of a typer. I know how to spell and everything. I swear it's this shitty key board.
Then I buy a new one and it turns out I was the retard the whole time. Fuck me,
Since I'm now thinking about old stories here's a freebie:
The burly drunken guy in our part house liked to pants people. It was hilarious until it happened to you. The last time I ever saw him drink he wasn't wearing pants. I asked him why? He sd, "If you're not wearing pants no one can pants you." Flawless logic but he was the only person pantsing people.
One night, he pantses, (is that the past tense of pants? I don't know), he pantses Poast right in front of Poasts cousin. But he grabbed his underwear too by accident. So she got a full shot of Poasts dick and was mortified.
A lot of work but I save page 68. Radical shit posting terrorists tried to over take us but we hunkered down and did our duty. I thank everyone for their service. Both sides.
FUUUUUUUCK!Q!!!!!
One time we had a baby killing marine visit out party house for a couple days. He banged Poasts cousin and had a child with her before they seperated. But they're amicable so that's good. She's gone on to join a cult.
Anyays, when he was leaving back to deployment he had a pack of cigarettes he couldn't take. So he decided to smoke them all. At once. A full open mouth and two out the nose. Ask Poast for the picture because I'm on thin ice with ho much I don't give a fuck.
Jesus christ. C'mon page 89.
Uhhhhh......
One christmas my parents just gave me $300. Beause nobody knos what to buy me. Hard to buy for a person that doesn't want anything and already has all they want. So I took that money and bought a $300 laser right before they weren't legally allowed to ship them to M'rica.
They don't give me money anymore. But it's a sweet laser.
Not yet? FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.
Uhhh.......
One time Poast was up at my house. This was beyond years ago. My dad gave us both a beer. Poast thought it would be funny to pretend to throw it at the fence. ut the beer bottle slipped out of his hand and it actually did hit the fence. My dad is standing like WTF? And Poast felt stupid.
I actually really like that story. I like stories where I'm not the retard. And thooooe are far and few between.
Jesus fuck me christ. How long is pag 68 in THE LONGEST THREAD ON THE INTERNET?
Ummm......
One time I was roofing. We were on the roof and tis kid wanted to smoke a cigarette. But he didn't have a lighter. He asks me for one and I say sure. I pull out my only lighter and throw it as far as I can into the woods around us. The crew were dying. And I still think about that lighter sometimes. How I treated it so badly that day.
You bitches aren't hijacking page 68!
Ummmm...... FUCK!!!!!! More shit. fuck.
One time my brother and I, back when we hated each other. But we moved half way across the country and lost all our friends. So it was just us barely getting along. We had one bat and a broken axe handle. We were hitting a tennis ball ack and forth. We had gotten a new puppy. I threw up the ball and went to swing. The dog jumped up to steal the ball and I fucking bashed it in the head with a broken axe handle. I felt like shit and even made a classical song in A flat minor that night.
I really felt bad. It was a while before I could make jokes about it.
Fuck. More. One time......
My mom does not think I'm funny. Probably because I came out of her vagina but that's a story for another time. I've only made her laugh once. It as some random joke about our family genes. She was in the next room as I'm helping my dad. My dad didn't get the joke but was almost worried about why mom laughed. One single laugh. That's the most I've ever gotten from her.
Ummm.....
One time my brother spit and some got on him. This was back when we didn't get along. So I told him that he spit on himself. His response, "I don't give a fuck." and spit straight onto his chest to prove that point.
On the camping trip where we found a fossilized COCKodile I pulled the exact same thing in front of him around the camp fire. I blatantly spit on my shirt and says, "Is that how stupid I looked?" I was like yeah. But I did it for comedy. You were serious.
