In a way when you face and feel deep inside adversery, you experience nirvana or in a way coming of the self. Realizing the self and the truth. When sent to a prison, especially being innocent or railroaded.
by an unjust system, you have almost a religious breakthrough a profound experience and new way looking at life. You touch the ground or the essence of life and freedom and what it means. You have almost like a shift in time a movie plays of your life in your head.
And you remember your loved ones. You remember specific people in your life and what they did to you and all the ways you took it for granted. It is almost like being in the movie Called the book of Eli while being in Denzel Washington’s shoes where you’re both blind but by choice and aware of everything around you.
And when the way you thought truth comes out, the way you though justice existed snd the way you thought honesty matters comes crashing down with police not reading you your rights, your own lawyer talking about plea bargains right away and laughing at you, etc.
It almost is a religious experience.
The thing is you cannot go in there go into those CDCR dungeons with your head held up. They do everything in the power to break you make you feel guilty even if it was honorable, make you feel inferior to the trash in there as they bully you as COs and chop it up with some of the convicts or lifetime losers. They literally higher the same people as california prison guards as the people in those places and in terms of local jail they hire army or ex military which i have less issue with.
Bit the GO group or private prison group everyone keeps tslking about going out of business those are real special cases. Some of them are tood and easy going and it is a baby sitting place being in those level 2 mccfs or ice center Ive experienced both. Some will try to Fight you or proboke you with who knows what consequences like my last day before deportation. Where one harassed me and got in myface and kept telling me to shut the fuk up and fuk your propety youll get it when you get it when all I asked was a sinple question if my stuff will Transfer with me. I always held back. I learned from my mistakes even if I did not start those situstions. I simply let him talk and ignored him. But he got right to the door my last day before deportation and i could easily call him inside and maybe who knows the consequences.
In Corcoran level 2 sny low level even that was the situarion where a hispanic guard was friends with this white trash guy who was competing for my bunky in an 8 man pod. I would also let some ok normal people borrow retro gamer magazines I introduced to inmates and he tried to con them harassing me asking why I trade or borrow them when everyone else was doing this and even asking me why I had them. On top of him and his other cop friend harassing me why I was there what I did why I choose sny all these questions at once.
I was even harassed by them or the guards and police being transferred from the hole in san quentin from reception time to the mainline prisons where one kept asking me personal and convict like questions and even his colleagues told him thats enough. I dont get it. No one else.l did either.
But I made friends at VSP with a similar mind. This guy was bi and zi have a thing it was one of the reasons we clung even though I am 100 % straight snd told him and everytime he amde domments he wanted me i just laughed with him and we joked it aside. But he was a punkrocker and we clinged in our view of the us government, the us constitution and what really was going on. I at the time hang to the view I was a Polish ultra or soccer hooligan who like they do in Poland fights police snd government. Only recently i realized theya re not like I thought.
But we would talk about how braindead sodiety is and people in general how they believe the government narrative how they think juries trials and courts in California are fair and alws are good snd vote for even more laws. He even told me being Polish and an immigrant I was not treated white in any sense of the word there. Discussing the case and showing him some of my transcritps even. But we did see others like George Galvin who alsow as white in same boat.
Galvin literslly is still doing time for defending his dsufhter from her boyfriend but thr courts saw it as him imposing her will on who she should date. Either way he will end up doing more than that blond texan cop who killed a man in his own apartment.
It isnt about race but caracel system to destroy people families and the human psyche with lies they feed the media across the channel whether republican or democrat. My punkrock friend Joey was mexican by the way.
But the thing is you lewrn to laugha at it in there. At it all. You learn to have a sense of humor or you will become suacidal quickly. We would laugh st some of the guys partivularly who were there for one off cases or even sex offenders who believed in their country and system.
Before being incarcerated. We would tell ourselves how we knee ahead of time we had a feeling we never fit in or were part or regular us society with its hypocricy and racial politics and divisions that just were aimed to cloud people’s minds.
But I have to say overall it was a trip and a unique experience and I could write books about being at places from San Quentin to Adelanto private prison with GOs to ice center to plane ride baxk when ai felt fresh air again and more. People really do not realize how few inmates were like me and how few in california even have a basic education or ged or high school diploma. This is across the channel at every county jail, lockup, prison, etc.
But the other thing to add is there was self reflection and laughter in there as well. When I made it to the hole in quentin a guy who was a sex offender and funny dude ended up in there literslly the same day but did not right like me to do it. He just checked in.
But his name was chewey like in starwars and he did it for some reason because or thst ssme group targeted him for some other resson thsn me (me for wanting the second tier him for being a sex offender) and we connected. In the hole he showed me this radio channel on paranormal.
And we would talk over the vent as well. He was into computers and onxe i tslked to gim on the yard when we were in Alpine section. We also transferred together to vsp on the same bus. Some othe inmates there were also there when they saw wheat I did to go put myself in hole.
In san auentin donner section and all were supprotive. I literslly fesred i wss marked desd man walking for tsking it to them like that. For attacking them both as the doors unlocked snd st chow hall when they threatened to stab me and sat at my table and di hand signs across.
The crazy thing was and I think part of both admirstion and hate across both inmates and guards or cos alike was I had a dollege education foing in there, I had a journalism ba from chico state which I still cling to and it has been a blessing going into this field.
The other thing to consider is that the hole or shu or donner I believe it was section of SQ reception was more comfortable than thst reception at Alpine. They gave us wind up raidos, warm water for shower and we were just isolated.
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And call her ball licker Jenn as she licks my younger balls with her tounge and i tlak shit to her. I just stsrted jerking off thinking of such a scenario like she knew me when i was young but now am in the age range where she can clal me her man and be a ball licking gen she is. Licking balls of a man 15 yrs younger hile hes talkimg shit to her. Her new name around me would be ball licking Jenn from then on.
„Come on ball licking jenn show me how good you suck on and lick balls out them in your mouth with your head looking up as i put one foot on the couch for ya. You nasty fucking slut.”
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Originally posted by -SpectraL
Also, if you hate yourself, no woman will like you. The woman is the compliment to the man. If you hate yourself, there's nothing for them to compliment.
They are no co pliments they are just made for fucking. Fucking itself is a sport. Sport fucking is a good sport good for the soul.
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Originally posted by -SpectraL
Women want real men, not boys. A real man is proactive, brave and forward. Those on the road to success are marked with failures, but those who persevere win out against all odds. Go right on over there, say hello, buy them a drink, sit and chat, or leave, if they ask. You don't lose anything but your self-dignity by standing around waiting for the good life to come to you.
Why do you give the vermin or 98 percent of them so much credit kr excuse their shitty behavior. Thats like saying men rape because its in our genes once we hit third base its almost impossible tos top and they shouldnt just chsnge their minds at the last minute because were men after all and sex is in our dna.
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So I'm sitting there watching all the gals in the place, but realizing that I am literal garbage to them.
How do you think I feel? Why domt you just go on twitch and follow them around like those other dudes and send them money so they can send you their piss in mail or something? I heard lots of dudes do that in our situation. Better thsn turng ay or get pegged right? Would you let one peg you if thats the requirement to go home with you?
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Originally posted by Sudo
gadzooks I love you but you seem beta af. Idk what youre doing wrong but it's clearly something. Cops beat you up for fun, predatorial gay guys molest you and women think by talking to you you will let them fuck other guys in your place. You also said you went 10 years without having sex. Idk what to tell you besides become more of a warrior
Thats how I feel sometimes I am but in all reslity calling people out or fighting in public or doing those things I did before changing my life and going to prison just makes you look stupid. And maybe if they feel he needs to comepte for them or fight other men for them they are not right for him and jsut head cases that would bring him trouble?
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Originally posted by gadzooks
I just got home from the bar - a bar I had no choice but to leave because some dude was sliding his hand up and down my back and trynna get me to join him out back for a BJ.
The second I figured out he was hitting on me, I brought it up…
Not to embarrass or insult him, though, but because I'm so used to getting hit on by guys that I just know the whole routine down fucking pat.
Plus, I know what it's like to be led on and all that, so the last thing I want to do to someone else is that.
But I couldn't help but contemplate why I get hit on by dudes all the damn time, but women look at me like I'm some kind of retarded toddler that you'd abort if you knew ahead of time.
The reason I don't just flip out and go all "gay-panic mode" on this dude is because, well, I know exactly what it's like to have difficulty finding romance.
I live in a rural, bible-belt kinda town. You can't just walk around here sporting rainbow-like insignia.
So, in a round-about kinda way, I completely empathize with his situation.
So I let him rub my back and squeeze my shoulder.
I mean, I totally told him, LITERALLY AND VERBATIM, "I have absolutely no interest in either giving, nor even receiving, your aforementioned back alley blow job. I am legitimately flattered, but I just could not possibly bring myself to engage."
So I'm sitting there watching all the gals in the place, but realizing that I am literal garbage to them.
Like, I 100% get what it's like to be hit on by a way-to-persistent motherfucker.
I also maybe feel like I know what it's like to also BE THAT way-to-persistent motherfucker.
Right now, in this exact moment, I am incredibly dissatisfied with women in general.
I realize, of course, that no kind of prejudice ever really gets anybody anywhere.
But right now, I need to just fucking let it out…
"Male privilege"…
IMAGINE ACTUALLY BRINGING THAT UP LIKE IT'S A LEGITIMATE SOCIETAL ISSUE…
Like, the one fucking biological requirement that Earth has bestowed on us, is in so much fucking abundance to women that the hottest topic in common areas is "omg muh rape culture and omg manspreading and omg unattractive men try to make eye contact with me in public, like why can't we just mass gendercide all of them, and then use their incinerated remains as fertilizer for our bogonas or whatever the fuck."
Why didnt you oet him suck your dick? Or would getting pegged by a chick be a better option for you?
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Originally posted by 8stringflinG
Funny how that works.
I've been groped by men too in public but they always back off when you say something.
But both women who did it to me didnt stop when I said something. Like they dont have that same precaution or fear, and think they cant POSSIBLY give unwanted attention because they've got a pussy.
I mean I feel guilty even walking behind a girl at night because I know she's worried about that shit. In Taiwan I 'followed' a girl from the train (we were in the same train cab too right next to each other) to her house which just fucking happened to be around the corner from my hotel. Like maybe 10 shops down. Idk if you have seen how asian cities are built but it was like 3 dark alleys of turning from the main street, which made it even worse. I remember her looking back and walking faster, probably thinking some foreigner was gonna rape her. Not that she wasn't justified but I shouldn't feel guilty for just trying to get back to my place. If I was a woman it wouldn't have bothered her.
Double standards shit both ways.
This ladies and gentleman is the work of third wave or transcedental feminism. The reason you fele guilty because the powere of feminism have broke through to you. You were exposed ro so much feminism and its ideals you subconsicously started to be influenced by it.
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Watxh this vid right here of the brawl. Thats how it goes whether its a chomo some faggot bamed tekqshi or some homo nest door. The world dont give a duk about you:
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That you can never let your guard down around women or tell them anything to deep because it will later be used against you during arguments or at certsin points?
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The other thing I do is I dont date. Ive noticed everytime someone agreed to a dste they always wanted to use me. Many of them had dudes or boyfriends ro the side and wanted the attention from me or me buying them food and such and use me. It is kind of sad being used and abused so much by females i hardly ever tslk to them regardless of their age. I dont even try anymore and have really no avenues to. I mean look how they act under alcohol at night life places. How they blow up and always receive special treatments.mimagine someone saying hi to you and some crazy fem they were with yelling st you for no ressona t all for coming to say hi because they are from san jose whores thinking theyre better than people poorer or who dress less than them?
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Imagine yourself at 4:17 going in there for the first time with the guards processing you and soon throwing you to a place with no guards inside. How exciting snd fun that must feel?
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