User Controls
Posts by OG_GREENPLASTIC_JOHNSON_III
-
2019-10-04 at 6:23 AM UTC in fuck
Originally posted by CASPER NA dude. Theres people there who robbed people, dug through trash cans, had their kids taken away from them, stole from dying family members. As long as you dwell on the past, it will continue to plague your present. You have mental health and addiction issues. We deal with things in fucked up ways. First question you need to ask is do you even want to be better, or do you think youve just fucked everything up for good?
NA is just so...all encompassing. it seems like it keeps people sober by just filling all of their time. and i dont want to get sober to replace my drug life with another one thats just about abstinence, i want to replace it with a real life -
2019-10-04 at 6:19 AM UTC in Green plastic is sad that lanny refused to take him to Japan...
-
2019-10-04 at 6:18 AM UTC in so what was that shit kolokol drank?
Originally posted by Rear Naked Joke Shut the fuck up faggot. Attention whoring drama nigger mother fucker. Quit this dumb ass shit. Lanny literally has a moral obligation to take down this website if this continues.
aright but i was just curious because i only half remembered the details or why he drank that thing in particular. if i really wanted to kill myself there's a million and one different ideas i could come up with off the top of my head, even if i wanted to make it look like an accident or something. -
2019-10-04 at 5:11 AM UTC in nothing nowherei just got a super cute new neighbor literally today who left me this note:
so i was like ah shit im sorry was it too loud and she was like no your music is really good, i love nothing nowhere and i was kind of awkward and was like ah sick because i was distracted before for some reason my neighbor had just smoked dmt and ran out of my room. so maybe she's single and she'll want to go -
2019-10-04 at 12:51 AM UTC in I just met a Polack in a hostel in Japanbro take me with you next time
-
2019-10-03 at 10:56 PM UTC in i am fucking retard, my money is in and out like a river for bullshit reasonsthatst what happens when you're in IV meth and heroin addict
-
2019-10-03 at 10:56 PM UTC in I just met a Polack in a hostel in Japanbe sure to send pictures back for your oka-san lmao
-
2019-10-03 at 10:28 PM UTC in so what was that shit kolokol drank?he drank something that would make it hard to tell he had been poisoned or some shit right?
-
2019-10-03 at 10:10 PM UTC in The R'tarded thread: The Shitfucking Edidtion ๐ฉ๐i cant stand this constant feeling like i just want to die. why the fuck does this exist as part of reality. if there is a god he's a fucking prick
-
2019-10-03 at 6:25 PM UTC in The R'tarded thread: The Shitfucking Edidtion ๐ฉ๐
-
2019-10-03 at 5:18 PM UTC in nothing nowhereYeah, I needed substance, I needed something
I needed pills, couldn't sit still
I need your flesh,โ maybeโ your neck
Just tellโ me you love me, fuck allโ the rest
I need your love, aren't you impressed?
I wrote this for you, I'm trying my best
I know you need me, I'm so conceited
Wrote a whole album about how I need it -
2019-10-03 at 5:15 PM UTC in nothing nowherei'm going to see them finally on sunday and it's going to be amazing, it sounds cliche or whatever but this band and their music means so much to me. he's talented musically and also i guess it resonates with me because i his lyrics desccribe the misery of addiction, isolation and depression so perfectly. it sounds like i could have written it myself if i were better with that sort of thing. also, i've been listening to them for a few years now and they were one of my ex's favorites also. i don't talk to her anymore but i'm pretty sure she doesn't listen to them anymore because i introduced them to her, and they just had a new EP come out and it's really good i can just have it for myself.
im also going with some random guy from the internet so we can pretend we have friends i guess (lol) but i will actually probably start crying multiple times and weird him out. i told him but i think he thinks i'm joking.
-
2019-10-03 at 3:31 PM UTC in fuck
Originally posted by Rear Naked Joke Sunk costs man.
Where are you now, what do you want to do, what do you need to do to get to it?
I mean shit sucks, no doubt. but eventually you have to just write off your losses and keep trying.
I think most of the time we agonize over old shit or get frustrated over repeating cycles, it is because we are refusing to learn the lesson that the situation presented. Any time I catch myself yearning for a time machine, it's a mental flag for self reflection for me, because it tells me somehow my expectations are at odds with reality. There's something there about me (or you) to be found, that needs to be accepted.
Whenever I have an old memory where I just hate how I acted, how things went, I find myself replaying it, thinking of what a retard I was, and the reflexive, autonomic way that I kill that train of thought is a soft spontaneous touretty utterance like "Fucking kill yourself". I don't know why. It just happens.
But rather than steering away from these moments and burying those thoughts, I started steering into them. I really will think about those situations and mistakes, and reflect. Maybe I should have been silent. Maybe I should have thought more. Maybe I should have spoken up. Whatever. I embrace the cringe and use it as an opportunity to learn from it and thus forgive myself, because I'm not that person any more, I've learnt.
I know what the lesson was, I know how I failed. It was obvious. I was just strung out and not in a position to handle anything that life threw at me in an appropriate way and so I handled them in bad ways that fucked over myself or other people. I'm not the same person anymore, but the fallout is still incredibly painful to deal with. And my life has undeniably permanently changed trajectory because of those decisions. And it sucks to feel broken while I see her just hit the ground running because I'm finally not dragging her down and for her to hate me because of it. I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive myself for giving her up. I know everybody says something similar when they break up, but I'm being really objective I think when I say that I won't find someone else as good as her. Maybe 5 years ago I could have but now I had a lot of baggage and problems. So I just need to deal with the consequences I guess.
Originally posted by Solstice I find it helps me somewhat in times like this to acknowledge and recognize that I have a very real mental illness that causes my brain to work differently than someone without those issues. I suspect you probably do, too, certainly with anxiety and depression at the very least and possibly PTSD or other things as well. This doesn't make you "flawed" or "broken" (I struggle to convince myself of this and often fall back into believing I'm defective and inferior) it just means you process thoughts and emotions differently and are more prone to impulsive and irrational decisions.
Your problems didn't arise solely from substance abuse, your substance abuse likely was a result of you trying to mitigate the negative symptoms you're experiencing. Anyone in their right mind who is as acutely aware of their depression/anxiety like you are would obviously take whatever steps they could to get rid of those awful feelings and for you that solution was drugs. Some use alcohol, or sex, or self harm, or sick and deranged things far worse than getting high. It's all different forms of coping mechanisms. You aren't a failure or a piece of shit for being desperate for relief of your pain.
All true, but I mean it's a failure because it makes me not as good as someone else. For example, a lot of the time I'd be too paranoid to leave the house so we'd stay inside when she wanted to go do stuff. And yea, the reason I didn't want to leave was because I was dealing with some mental shit, not because I wanted to be cruel or boring, but in the end if her new guy doesn't have that same issue, well, it doesn't matter much what you name it then because either way I lost out.
Originally posted by CASPER I know nothing I say is going to probably make much of a difference, so I'm not going to type Malice-esque essays to try to convince you otherwise. I'll just say that I pretty much could've written all of that. My problems seemed big at the time- a good reason to check out of life for a while and wallow in misery. But it really just delayed the inevitable and wasted so much time. You might not ever feel the way you did, again. But we're different people every ten years anyway. Maybe you did completely fuck your brain up, but it's more likely that being dumped by your boo thang has jarred you into some serious introspection, and you feel like shit right now….but that you'll also feel okay again.
I thought I'd completely lobotomized myself, for real. And I definitely don't have the same spark I did when I was 18 but who the fuck does? The only way you're going to get your life back is managing the depression, making connections with others, finding meaning in your life, and laying off the fucking drugs. The only thing that's going to help is time and effort- both of which feel impossible at times, I know. Maybe you don't have it in you to do right now. But if you genuinely are fed up enough to change your life, you can be that dude again. Life isn't going to be fantastic all the time, and you'll need to learn to deal with life as it comes, without the crutches and shortcuts. But you CAN be HAPPY and you can have PEACE if you so choose.
/Malice-esque essay
I don't know man, I've never felt peaceful, even before the drugs> Always been really on edge/angsty/obsessive. I'm supposed to find like a totally new mindset/way to live that I've never learned before. -
2019-10-03 at 7:45 AM UTC in Sober-reality is a hard pill to swallow.does it even really matter if you're high op, it's not like you're going to do shit either way
-
2019-10-03 at 3:17 AM UTC in I just met a Polack in a hostel in Japanah man that's cool, i went to nara when i was in japan as well. the deer can get kind of aggressive. i remember they had a kinda cool bug museum on a little hiking trail.
-
2019-10-02 at 6:34 PM UTC in I just met a Polack in a hostel in Japandamn i wish i was in japan. where are you going/what are you doing there?
-
2019-10-02 at 3:07 PM UTC in Teeth, and what they tell us.im inferior in a lot more ways than just my teeth
it'd honestly be a compliment if someone told me i was inferior because my teeth were crooked. i'd be happy that's all they came up with -
2019-10-02 at 3:52 AM UTC in i just ate a cinnamon roll and accidentally got part of a carolina reaper on it and it was fucking dank
-
2019-10-02 at 3:51 AM UTC in i just ate a cinnamon roll and accidentally got part of a carolina reaper on it and it was fucking dankits hella good, i just walked next door to my work and luckily my friend was working and they were like chillin kind of and she HOOKED IT UP with a cranberry walnut scone (which are baked every day from scratch and normally cost like$5 and i put a lot of butter on it and ate it
-
2019-10-02 at 3:21 AM UTC in i just ate a cinnamon roll and accidentally got part of a carolina reaper on it and it was fucking dankseriously rly good you should try it
