2019-10-01 at 8:54 AM UTC
in
yuppie druggies
i know this one guy who most likely wouldn't care if people used hard street drugs like h or meth, but he would judge them a little for it. he does a lot of drugs too though, just none of the more "druggy" ones i guess. doesn't smoke weed, drinks fairly often, and takes all kinds of benzos and painkillers. it's kind of weird because i know only a couple other types of drug users and they're not yuppies lmao
or did they just go straight from one activity to the next? like they sit and read for a hour then immediately get up and and then just go make dinner and go vacuum the house.
technologist is the coolest by far
his dick got stung by a bee, lul
usually i'm just paying attention to whatever needs to be attended to at that moment, but in between those times when there are events that demand your attention, there are lulls. i've realized a lot of these lulls will be spent diverting my attention to NIS, youtube, social media or whatever. when shit is really boring i just switch back and forth between those things. anyways it made me think, before electronics were everywhere, what would people usually do during those lulls? sometimes i just stare off into space or think about something for a minute so i guess maybe they just did that over and over?
yea thats true. it is annoying when in a porn they are concentrating on the girl or whatever and then suddenly they switch to the guys face for like 20 seconds or just long enough to kill your boner. like whose fucking idea was that
2019-09-30 at 5:17 AM UTC
in
fuck
fuck my life, i can't fall asleep in the bed i made for myself because the plan the whole time was just "lol i'm just going to keep doing drugs until it's miserable then i'll kill myself anyways because its pointless anyways" but when that point got reached i'm too much of a pussy to actually do it. so i just sit here in shock and horror at how obscenely stupid throwing away my entire life was. it's like i can't believe it. i don't want to accept it. i just ruined everything for the stupidest reasons, stupid reasons i held to because of anxiety that was blown out of proportion but by the time i realized how ridiculous it had gotten it was way too late. i just can't stop obsessing over things that aren't even relevant to anyone other than me anymore. it's fucking stupid and i don't understand why i couldn't just be normal.
i wish i was one of those people that can just exist without it feeling like a constant battle. that can just be content doing things. i used to think they were just dumber and thus more easily entertained but it was really just my mind tricking me into thinking that i'm smarter than everyone else, i had everything i just needed to keep it but for some reason it wasn't good enough so i mutilated it til it was hardly recognizable and permanently damaged and the ones who i loved don't want to talk to me anymore. its so fucking dumb and now i have to pay for it. so every fucking night i'm paying for it. i fucking hate it and myself so much i can't even describe it with words. the smart competent decently attractive anxious dude who was in the military who had the perfect life lined up gave it all up because he wanted to be a junkie and sleep with some random japanese slut instead. real fucking smart.
i don't really expect anyone to say much to this and you don't have to do the same old "tomorrow needs you..." or "one day at a time" stuff. i just want to type because im frustrated and i want to rip my eyeballs out.
i just want to be happy again like i was in 2015/2016 but the money, time, and innocence has been lost and i don't even think it's possible anymore. its possible for other people but not me. i'm too neurotic, too anxious, too sucked into this mindset and damaged by it over the years. it feels like i'd just be faking it.get into some social circles like a well intentioned parasite until the desire for self destruction grows until it starts fucking everything up for everyone. maybe that wouldn't happen this time though, after all the shit thats happened the past few years and me fucking up a lot and analyzing my behavior.
i want peace. but sometimes it feels like killing myself is eventual because the shit doesn't stop, and it sucks watching the people that you do get close to move on to better things, or to react negatively to your shittiness, or get hurt because you did something fucked up. i half think i just did this subconsciously so i would have an excuse to kill myself and maybe after some more time goes by if it doesn't get better than that's the road i'll take. i'm tired of the pain and the shit of everyday waking up and remembering the fucked up decisions you made that lead you to the life you're about to have to live and then immediately regret living through the night. so fucking sad. how can one person be so fucked up and stupid
never thought about it before
2019-09-29 at 4:25 PM UTC
in
Sudo is a deadbeat dad
one time my friend rented this house in hawaii and he got some roommate girl who was super hot and slutty but kind of crazy and we were pretty sure she was tweaking the whole time. anyways after like 2 days of knowing this girl and us getting stoned on their living room couch she asked us to drive her to a job interview and we weren't doing shit so we said yea. we get in the car and drive to some really expensive looking house and park out front and we were just like waiting in this little foyer area for about 20 minutes and finally this dude shows up looking all sweaty and a little nervous and asks her if she wants to come in for the interview and tells the two of us to wait outside.
we just chilled for like half an hour talking and bullshitting and then she comes out and we left. funny we never heard out how the "interview" went.
like 2 weeks later me and my friend were super baked sitting on his couch watching cartoons and it was night time but he we had been sitting there since early afternoon so all the lights were off and the girl stormed into the house and packed all her shit and left all pissed off without any of the three of us saying a word. after she left my friend was just like "i think she just moved out"
2019-09-29 at 4:17 PM UTC
in
DRUG LOG
6 AM: immediately upon waking i dissolved 250 mg of meth and 60 mg morphine in coffee and threw half a caffeine pill in there too for good measure then shot that up
6:01 AM: awake now, i swallow 4 mg alprazolam and take 10 dabs back to back, without a break of oxygen in between
6:10 AM: now that my brain is able to process reality once again, i go to the kitchen to get something to eat.i get down 3 bites of stale rice before puking it back up into the kitchen sink
6:20 AM: need a break for a little while gonna nod out in bed
i've seen workers smoking meff on the job
maybe if u didnt feed ur dog meth it wouldn't have a heart attack u fucking retard
2019-09-29 at 3:58 AM UTC
in
stupid junkie
i was going to make a thread about how dumb and boring being a junkie seems but then i forgot what i was writing about because i spilled this bag of maeng da by the bowl of yaba and then i took 2 more etizolam and 3 dabs and then we even have a little mxe which made the visuals insane but i don't even remember what we were laughing about the whole time since it was basically me the entire time. i dosed a bunch of rcs and stuff and forgot what i was writing about.
oh, yea, so after i got done spilling that rainbow maeng da sampler the bartender was pised at me ecause i brok it so i ended up buying him like 4 drinks then when i was out of money i gave him an MDMA cap and he said that was cool! lol. then i woke up and drank some poppy seed tea i had net to my bed and lay there for half an hour before i felt well enough to get up and make a fresh batch. after that my gf and i each plugged 100 mg MA, had sex for 5 hours, and then i had to drink a gallon of wter, have 5 grams Crouton, 3 mg etizolam, and 3 dabs just to chill out again.
tonight i'm probably going to stuff my body with as much poison as it fits in every orifice and hope to god i can catch a buzz strong enough to get to sleep tonight before i shoot up these bath salts cut with god knows what to see if it'll finlly
dude the shit still fucking hurts and it just recently abated a little. shits fucking annoying
