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Posts That Were Thanked by hydromorphone
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2017-07-18 at 11:59 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDS
Originally posted by hydromorphone I wish. I wanna do that with PoC sometime soon, hopefully.
MDMA therapy with you is probably the most positive thing PoC could experience. It's a life changing event for many people if done properly, with the right person or people.
Originally posted by Discount Whore 2.0 in five days you will be posting about how depressed you are just like malice goes through his manic cycles
youre talking about a guy who brags about destroying people. Treating people like shit overpowers "good souls" I mean hitler loved dogs
Hitler is actually one of my role models. Even if you disagree with him, you can't deny he was one of the greatest men in history. I've also come across some fascinating information about what he was like in his earlier life, the social aspect of his being.
Also, I don't really go through manic cycles. I've never been close to being manic. I'm either mildly depressed or severely depressed. If I do have cycles, which seems to be the case, they're cycles where my depression worsens and I lose the ability to function, even skipping eating for up to 3 days (Actually my third day fasting now, although the cycle ended yesterday. Purposefully done.) and showers for longer than that.
I'm completely serious, what you perceive as manic is simply somewhat above baseline, I'm really not particularly happy or energetic. Hmm, well, actually, looking at the symptoms I'm not particularly elated and I never experience euphoria and my physical energy is still low, although there's certainly a rise in cognitive energy.
The lack of euphoria and physical energy could be explained by the severity and length of my depression, how extreme(ly unnatural) and unhealthy my lifestyle is (Complete lack of social relationships or interaction.), along with some aspects of aspergers, the very low emotionality and possibly physical energy levels, the problems caused by low muscle tone such as endurance and fatigue.
So, utilizing a 1-10 point system to illustrate this, if I'm naturally at a 1 on certain symptoms of mania, primarily mood and physical energy, and mania raises it by 5, I'm only at a 6 whereas a normal person, whose baseline is at 5, is pushed to the maximum level where the symptoms are undeniable.
I actually recall reading recently that among teens (possibly at age 17) those classified as gifted (Me.) were found to have somewhere around a 4x risk of having or developing bipolar disorder relative to the general population. It may also be greatly overrepresented, have a high comorbidity, among those with ASD.
I never thought of this before! I may actually be mildly bipolar. This would perfectly explain the cycles I've repeatedly gone through. Well, shit, that's just another major thing that may be wrong with me. At least it's only mild and I already know how to treat it due my knowledge of psychiatric disorders, neurology, and pharmacology.
There's actually a strong correlation between high intellectual or artistic achievement and bipolar disorder. Of course it's during the manic phases that positive development, production, occurs.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2017-07-18 at 11:42 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDSshe could be the next james joyceThe following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2017-07-18 at 11:40 PM UTC in Deleted posts for: Monny
Originally posted by hydromorphone lol, I'm an extremely empathetic person a lot of the time… imagine if I was on MDMA right now? lol oh god… yes… I wish to fuck I had some and had PoC to cuddle with.
i hope he has air conditioning
Originally posted by hydromorphone This is far more a problem than being too cold so stop bitching, get a blanket and some warming KY jelly. Trying to reach an orgasm in blazing heat, two fans blowing and youre still pouring buckets of sweat and god forbid the dogs trip the cord right when youre getting there- too close to stop and plug it back in, too fucking hot to finish- finally when you do cum youre about dead from heat exhaustion as you feel the brain cells inside your head cooking. Any sex act in general is fucking agonizing- while fucking, you literally stick to your partner with sweat and as you speed up yiu begin to make all sorts of squishy, weird, unnatural noises that fuck with you so bad you begin laughing from the comedy of it and in part because your brain is melting, as you hurry uo to finish the noises get worse and the sticky slap of skin on skin drenched in sweat about kills it. Finally you lay there wondering if the romp you just had was worth the orgasm and soaked bed and sheets youre now laying on out of breath in heat stroke. Yeah, Id say it was worth it but god damn…
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2017-07-18 at 11:23 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDSOh, little guy seems to be notably more at ease near me, is willing to be closer. I thought I may have reached the limit of how comfortable she would feel around me due to being born feral and unsocialized with humans during the critical period. Her eyes are distinctly friendlier.
She even went inside after I called her closer, left the door open, and went out of view to fill the food bowl. She hasn't done that since months ago when she was small and went about 12 feet in past the corner of the bathroom and we were both startled when we spotted each other simultaneously.
Another thought on the glasses. With far less sensory information being processed these should also greatly increase cognitive endurance, reduce the amount of metabolic byproducts created that need to be removed during sleep.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2017-07-18 at 11:21 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDSAnd again, it's neither here nor there. We are all complex studies. New Malice is far kinder.
Does that make you happy, or uncomfortable, or indifferent to hear that Mal? When I refer you to as a gentle and kind soul now, friendly and cordial.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2017-07-18 at 11:14 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDSmalice is godThe following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2017-07-18 at 11:11 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDS
Originally posted by Captain Falcon Didn't read
*looks at watch*
*opens cupboards*
*searches closet*
*checks pantry*
*goes down basement*
*looks in refrigerator*
*up to attic*
*toilet tank!?*
*last try, mail box*
No, still no cares.
Originally posted by Wasp Sugar Hate to break it to you nigga but that complexitity is pretty much the only thing making life interesting.
Of course! But information, what you build in your mind, can have far richer complexity! It's beauty, something unique in the world. It enthralls and evokes the imagination, the desire to reach ever further. Of course I don't deny that interpersonal relationships can have these qualities in a different form.
Although, with regard to complexity, even that isn't necessarily true. Of course there are simple pleasures in life. Just look at some Buddhists. Well, I certainly wouldn't say they're simple, far from it, what was required to attain that state is incredibly complex and requires immense effort, but the "resting" state can have a simple but profound beauty and peace to it.
Originally posted by Discount Whore 2.0 are we thinking of the same malice??
What I create with the right I destroy with the left. I am the multifaceted Shiva.
Post last edited by Malice at 2017-07-19T00:14:44.627720+00:00The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2017-07-18 at 11:06 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDS
Originally posted by hydromorphone I wish. I wanna do that with PoC sometime soon, hopefully. That and drop some acid.
Well, sure, people do do that, but I'm a very… forgiving, live and let live sort of person. I hate Bill Krozby, but still… I'll try to help in something like seizures, or alcohol addiction, at least give my best go at giving useful advice.
What's the score with me, Sophie? I wanna knowz! You hate me so much you gon dox my ass?!!??! pls nooooos! I'll be a good hydro, and be nice to Sophies foreverz! Be nices to me bbe.
Lel, i let people know who have a negative score. If i'm still nice to you it probably means we're still friends.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2017-07-18 at 10:07 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDSI've noticed that the sunglasses I bought to modify in order to limit my peripheral vision for reading make me much calmer. It's probably due to visual hypersensitivity, how intense the world is, the amount of data I take in, and being in a permanent state of high awareness (flight or fight), which causes my abnormal peripheral vision to have a higher level of fixation, as if something dangerous may come into view.
It is the other key hypersensitivity I have which causes a high level of discomfort and anxiety, along with auditory. Makes sense.
Heh, the combo of these glasses and earmuffs produces a pretty distinct look, somewhat reminiscent of a mad scientist. I swear I'm going to keep printouts of what the muffs and glasses are for in case anyone ever asks in school; a concise overview at top followed by a more extensive explanation on the bottom. Now I just need a white lab coat.
Looking in a mirror, it seems pretty ridiculous that this is what it takes to replicate a neurotypical experience. *shrugs* Doesn't really bother me, and there is the childish egotistical aspect of making me feel cool and unique. At least when properly honed neurologically abnormal aspie brain can have immense advantages.
Post last edited by Malice at 2017-07-18T22:16:05.608011+00:00The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2017-07-18 at 9:54 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDSFun autism facts:
Due to the asymmetrical hypertrophy (I would very much like to know whether there are differences in cellular density, but there likely isn't information available) and hyperactivity of the right hemisphere of the amygdala, primarily involved in processing negative emotions, along with related factors, primarily the hyper-glutamatergia, which increases general neurological activity, and GABAergic deficit, causing insufficient inhibition and anxiety,
Negative emotions can actually be (There's always variance, particularly with aspergers.) greatly amplified. I genuinely did not realize until within the last few years, due to an increase in empathy, emotional fixation, and reflection/introspection on my past.
The differences in long-term memory, retention, fidelity, and detail, along with the OCD thought patterns, the fixation on thoughts, which can occur at a considerably faster rate and frequency, longer total extent, than normal, simply cements this, it positively modulates the storage of these events, and increases the effect, which is almost always detrimental, even traumatic.
This is of key importance for people with ASD, particularly highly anxious subtypes, to understand. PoC most strongly displays this behavior. After this realization and understanding something I worked toward ingraining, changing about myself, and still do to this day, was to consistently remind myself that my negative emotions were greatly amplified, my response to any negative social event in particular, and that I had to stop ruminating on it. When changing my view from a personal to an impersonal one, viewed from a higher vantage point, it became clear how petty these events truly were, that the other person did not ascribe nearly as much significance, and that afterward they would simply and rapidly move on with their day, not even devoting much thought to what had occurred.
Understanding and accepting how incredibly damaging your natural behavior, this process, is.
- A greater affinity for animals is commonly reported among aspies. There are various reasons why this could be, such as the social aspects that alter your response toward human beings, or feeling some similarities with animals, the lack of verbal communication required, how the relationships are simpler and more forthright.
It's also possible that we may have innate advantages. The bottom up hyper-systemizing cognitive style with far less regard for conventions leading to creating your own natural internal system for animals and their behavior, an understanding of them. There's also the sensory hyper-sensitivity and level of awareness and how it can help read them.
I've experienced the exact same thing throughout my life.
When people meet/see someone they feel positively towards, who is in proximity, a natural reaction is for their eyebrows to rise (body language). Yesterday or the day before I noticed that I automatically and involuntarily did this when I saw Ash and Bella for the first time that day. I can't recall ever having done this with a human. Kind of funny that the first time I displayed this standard human body language, naturally reserved only for our own species, was with cats. They are the animal I feel the highest affinity towards and enjoy the company of most. Nearly, other than perhaps natural scenery, the only thing that brings me closest to a positive response, even a slight smile (I am definitely not very expressive, at all.), when I'm outside. They always catch my attention and I try to make friends with them if they seem calm enough, socialized, or at least call out to them. Smiling, exchanging pleasantries, conversation, attempts at friendship.
Cats are my people.
Post last edited by Malice at 2017-08-04T01:00:13.485317+00:00The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2017-07-18 at 9:08 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDSThe following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2017-07-18 at 8:19 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDSThe following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2017-07-18 at 8:10 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDS
Originally posted by Dargo You talk like a fucking trauma survivor, and it's not just those two lines. It's every post.
Only people like war veterans who have seen the most unimaginable, horrorific shit life has to offer are allowed to talk like that. Otherwise you're nothing more than a massive cringeworthy faggot.
Yeah! You tell 'em!
And smack that bitch Tommy upside the head and tell him to get it together, the abuse he faced wasn't that bad compared to what other people go through. He needs to get over it and learn to bottle it up, not go to no nancy ass therapy sessions where they'll tell him to talk about it and his feelings, to be vulnerable and open. Real men bottle that shit up, move on, and never speak of it again.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2017-07-18 at 8:06 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDS
Originally posted by hydromorphone I have something like this… I can go back and recall a moment in time with crystal clarity… sometimes that's not a god thing. I'll break down in tears randomly, either from missing person/animal/moment, even if it would be considered to me a happy memory… I've lost a lot that I love in my 28 years of life.
Psilocybin has helped me reach out, and during a particularly high dose, before my father died, but after my horse, whom in every way I would consider my "first child", and well… I got to be with him on the moon for a few hours. Not so much "be" with him, it's hard to explain… but I felt him and touched his soul through the cosmos once again… We're destined for now to have our paths split, but one day… sometime… down the river of life, of being, living and dying- I will find him again. Our souls are magnets, attracted to one another, ever pulling, despite the vastness of the universe dividing us apart. Death isn't the end, it's just a break point to something else, to revolve back around in this ever spinning wheel we know as life and death.
I have this one memory that I remember with absolute clarity, which I often recall… and it takes me back, takes me back to being on my boy's back, and him thundering across a wide open field covered with every beautiful shade of pink, red, yellow, and blue in wild flowers, I could feel the strength of him shaking the earth under us, his power, and our bodies feeling as though they just became one being. I'd closed my eyes, and savored everything, every smell, every sound, the touch of my hands clutching his mane, his strong, soft neck arched… the wind blowing through my hair, the smell of both of our bodies pouring sweat, the salt taste in my mouth from our sweat.
Getting to spend a few hours on the moon with a loved one who passed sounds like an incredible trip.
Lol, I didn't know who you were talking about in the third paragraph. At first I thought you may have worded it improperly and it was a childhood memory of you riding on someone's back, likely your father. Then I thought it was an incredibly cliche moment you'd had with a boyfriend or your ex-husband, something straight out of a women's romance novel.
Finally I realized it was a horse and that you calling him "my boy" threw me off just like the time you recently referred to your dogs as your family.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2017-07-18 at 3:34 PM UTC in Why does every fucking drug have to have a come down?Murphy's law dingus what can go wrong will go wrong
You will come down
You will feel like shitThe following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2017-07-18 at 3:11 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Click Here for AIDSThe optimal level of happiness. Diminishing returns to attempts to increase net well-being in life based on research related to the hedonic treadmill and the costs.
Ultimately you can reduce happiness, as with many other things, as being similar to a multivitamin. Something necessary for proper biological function. Certainly it can be excessive, merely ponder mania, or thought experiments involving wire heads.
Then an argument against seeking happiness primarily based on my interpretation of original Buddhist ideology as well as the heavy detrimental effects and costs involved as well as the inverse, the benefits gained. Abandon your desire for happiness, abandon happiness itself. An explanation for why my goal in life is not to be happy, to be as happy as possible, and why I consider this to be an exceedingly crude goal.
"Why don't you care about happiness (as others do)?"
"Evoking emotional states is not my goal in life."The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2017-07-18 at 7:20 AM UTC in The evolution of Bill Krozby: I've changed my views on sexI'm glad you actually suffer and that happy go lucky bullshit is just a front.
You're a piece of shit and deserve everything you got.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2017-07-18 at 6:27 AM UTC in I'm about to go jail
Originally posted by -SpectraL Mostly true, but there are more than a few screws who bring in hash and pills for people on the sly. A lot of them aren't angels themselves.
You talk like you heard this on an episode of Oz or some such shit.
>No one calls them screws anymore.
>County jailers don't risk their jobs for short timers.
>Trustees are the only ones doing any smuggling.
>No one smuggles fucking orange juice.
>You've never been locked up a day in your life.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2017-07-18 at 6:06 AM UTC in Why does every fucking drug have to have a come down?just never stop and you'll be fineThe following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2017-07-18 at 2 AM UTC in I'm about to go jail
Originally posted by Totse 2001 Boot cast. Had support blades. Looked like a "Knife" to someone. so they dragged me off the train with a broken hand and foot. lost my bootcast (on purpose no doubt.. 1400 dollars to replace) and when they pulled me off the train they realized I had no knife and then said "You're drunk in public" and took me in for that. but instead of Oakland City Jail, the dude purposly drove me to County in Santa Rita and drove 120 MPH there and had to take a "safety test the next day" . .I only know that because when I went to complain they said he was out for a week taking it. and that he eventually (a week later) lost my boot.
Where is John Burris when White Dude needs him? oh he hates me prolly
damn that sucks, i hate copsThe following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
