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Posts by stare rape
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2018-09-10 at 2:52 PM UTC in Now I can't go to town... Great
Originally posted by -SpectraL Agoraphobia has very little to do with dating or relationships in general. Agoraphobia is really just another fake "disorder", characterized by a kind of stupidity that fools the person into thinking they have issues with closed spaces/being trapped, basically an irrational fear, used by the medical industrial complex to make themselves trillions of dollars off these unwitting said stupid people.
Hahaha no
I haven't gotten severe Agoraphobia (that wasnt caused by drugs) in about five years now, but when I did have it, it could get bad.
I literally didn't eat for two weeks once because I didn't want to go into a public grocery store so badly
It is by no means a fake disorder or a "stupid people" disorder
it does fall prey to big pharma and people looking for a scapegoat, but so does any other mental disorder -
2018-09-10 at 2:52 PM UTC in Now I can't go to town... Great
Originally posted by RisiR † What are they going to do about it?
When I was completely Benzed out I'd be very honest. Like, "Complete shit. My brother tried to kill himself and I'm just out of rehab and already relapsed so I'm thinking about doing the same, you?" Hahaha. That's a great way to freak people out at a random meeting in a grocery store.
Nice. Sorry about your brother though
I've only done it once when I was in a very bad mood. I was clearly upset, and they asked "how are you today?"
"Considering suicide, thanks for asking."
He did that weird nervous laugh that people do when they believe what you said but want you to think they thought it was a joke
But, it worked. He hasn't asked it again. -
2018-09-10 at 2:29 PM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Sploo Needs Attention
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2018-09-10 at 2:03 PM UTC in Now I can't go to town... Great
Originally posted by RisiR † I know it doesn't work in English but when people ask me how I am doing I say "It must" or just "must" and look at them stoically. It makes most people realize that shit isn't that great for me.
Interesting. Maybe an honest answer is acceptable in other places.
In the US, or at least, everywhere I've been, anything other than "good" or "fine" is apparently cause for alarm -
2018-09-10 at 1:57 PM UTC in Schizphrenia official thread
Originally posted by aldra Nothing to be ashamed of really. It's good that you've been able to recover as much as you have, but the difficult question behind it is if you really do have a serious disorder, how much can you fight yourself and still expect to win?
I'm not going to try and offer any advice or anything, but good job on becoming somewhat functional again. Most people don't seem to be able to.
Thanks.
It doesn't seem to be a conscious decision. It's like a switch is flipped and suddenly you can see that what you were seeing and believing isn't real.
Not that you should do this, but it felt a lot like when you're up for a couple days on meth or something, and start doing or feeling all this fucked up shit because you're ABSOLUTELY POSITIVE that something bad is happening, and every little thing that has even the faintest connection to it seems like evidence of it, while you totally ignore any evidence against it without even realizing it. If you get hallucinations, they will always "confirm" your suspicions.
Then, it starts wearing off. It gets worse for a while, but then, out of nowhere you see how ridiculous the whole thing was. Then you feel like shit for wasting so much time on something that was all in your head.
Originally posted by RisiR † Try living with it. That's no fun, either.
I don't have it (not sure if Lan still has the stupid wordenhancement up). I've done several tests. Though, I had some mad psychosis and from time to time I get really paranoid. I still believe that my neighbors think I spy on them. I'm pretty sure about it. I can't look out of my windows (irony, huh..) because of that. I really want to move away and start over somewhere else so I can be anti-social from the get go but I don't think I can be like that even at a new place. I just want people to leave me alone.
This is how I am now. I've packed all my stuff and made plans to leave my current place of residence and live by myself, and will more than likely ghost all but two or three in the process.
There's no guarantee that I won't eventually be back to paranoid insanity, but I don't have too many options haha -
2018-09-10 at 1:43 PM UTC in Schizphrenia official thread
Originally posted by Jiggaboo_Johnson Ex wife was diagnosed with it, she thought I hired people to kill her and kept thinking they were in the house hiding. She kept knives everywhere and often walked around with one.
Not fun living with one.
Damn. Not to give you shit or anything, but if it's scary to watch imagine how it is to live it. Understandable though, there's only so much crazy one can handle, especially if the person refuses treatment.
I had a gf when I was younger that was more of the BPD type. She thought the entire world was against her except for me. It was actually great for a while, we seemed to connect very well and only cared about each other, because "the rest of the world hated us both"
Eventually though, she started thinking I was one of them, and that I was only there on some sort of information-gathering mission or some shit and didn't actually want anything to do with her
I stuck with it as long as I could because she obviously couldn't help it, but it eventually got to be too much. She would get violent and demand that I tell her what was going on and who I was telling about her and so on, and then not talk to me for a week because I wouldn't admit it.
She would refuse treatment saying that I was only trying to control her, and any attempt to talk about the situation would just be "me trying to make her think she was crazy so she would doubt herself"
That's what's so scary about psychosis, it's nothing but a positive feedback loop that you're not even aware exists until you break it, and you can't consciously choose to break it as far as I can tell.
Also, I had a friend that was big into reptiles. He has a bunch of liserds and a couple of snakes. He would always try to get people to handle the snakes, probably either to mess with people who are scared of them, or to try to show those people that the snakes weren't dangerous.
He had his mom and I over once, and whenever she thought he was out of earshot she would tell me about how he was telling the snakes to do things to scare her, and how he would tell them to bite her if she tried to handle them.
Apparently, she had been there with some other family, and they had all handled the snake, but it only bit her. She took this as evidence of what he was doing.
She would do the "paranormal activity" thing… getting up at 2am and standing in the same spot not moving for 2 or 3 hrs… (I had an IP cam that caught her doing it which freaked me out a bit).
Thankfully I havent gotten the catatonic-type symptoms more than a couple times, and those involved drugs so they don't really count
Sorry about all the text walls lately guys, recent events have brought back a lot and, also, stimulants -
2018-09-10 at 12:55 PM UTC in Now I can't go to town... Great
Originally posted by itybit How old are you? Of course people are going to ask how you are doing when they see you, it's really quite simple you tell them your doing much better and thank them for asking and go on your merry way.
Can't speak for anyone else, but I can't fucking stand it when people ask me this
Nobody actually cares, it's just a greeting now
I can't answer the question honestly without getting ridicule or non-understanding but I don't want to lie either, so I usually just end up saying some other greeting like "hey" back. How about, instead, we don't ask people questions we don't want the answer to?
How did we get to a place in society where we use what should be a caring, honest question as a thoughtless greeting? -
2018-09-10 at 12:47 PM UTC in Now I can't go to town... Great
Originally posted by Mythighslookslikethenightsky5555 Update : I've been crying my eyes out all night, got paid at the start of the month and snuck out to get liquor. I spent it all on booze now having no money is another lie on the pile.
How the hell did a drink a 40 of vodka every day? This is getting ridiculous
"A 40 of vodka"
get out -
2018-09-10 at 12:24 PM UTC in Schizphrenia official thread
Originally posted by Glokula's Homabla u ever hide from the cops in an alleyway after a dadfight and speak to god from the birds on the trees
I've hid from the cops, but I just hit the gas and turned into an apartment parking lot lol
And that was the only somewhat exciting thing that happened in my life as a criminal
I wasn't even carrying anything at the time, either, it would've just been a ticket most likely
But I was tweaking at the time and was going twice the speed limit. The cop was hiding in a driveway on a side street and lit me up as i went by.
I thought, "if he sees where I went, I can just say I pulled over for him" -
2018-09-10 at 12:03 PM UTC in Conflict Shitpile III - Diplomacy Defunct Edition
Originally posted by aldra I have a hard time telling whether she's actually convinced herself she's some kind of white knight or if she knows she's spouting absolute rubbish and is just in it for the money/power/etc.
It might be the latter. "They" probably showed up at her door offering her the job after her anti-BDS bill passed. Either that or they put her up to it in the first placeShe's being groomed as a presidential candidate, keep an eye out for that.
Might as well rename the country "Israel Jr." if that happens -
2018-09-10 at 11:58 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Sploo Needs Attention
Originally posted by aldra wonder how feasible it'd be to administer delirients via flechette or dart for RAPID ONSET INSANITY
the good ones are active at really low volumes, so you wouldn't actually need much on the dart but they also have a dangerously narrow band between 'active' and 'lethal'
The few must be sacrificed for the many -
2018-09-10 at 11:53 AM UTC in Schizphrenia official threadIt can't be the official thread if it's misspelled in the thread title
But really, I know exactly how you feel. Really. I spent almost four years of my life hiding from people I thought were after me for things I'd posted online and done IRL while amassing an arsenal of weapons, ammo, medications, and survival gear. I had over $10,000 worth of it at one point. I spent a shitload of money on firearm training, had a gun club membership, and went to the range for hours three times a week.
Sometime in 2015, I said "fuck it. If there really is someone after me, let them come after me. We all die eventually anyway."
And from then on I was seemingly able to look at my condition from an objective point of view and realize that I was being ridiculous. Almost all of the things I had taken as "signs" were nothing more than coincidence, or people going about their business who happened to see me and look my way. Sometimes it was a hallucination, but now, somehow, I could tell the difference. Once in a while, i still find myself caught up in some delusion that somebody is after me, but I "snap out of it" much faster than I used to. It was like a switch had been flipped.
I thought it was the drugs at first, so I stopped taking them. I stayed mostly clean for three years, only taking Crouton and the occasional benzedrex. It's only recently that I've started on that shit again. Didn't seem to make much difference. Though the intensity of the paranoia was diminished, it was still there.
In July 2015, after getting extremely fucked up and telling everyone that was staying with me at the time that I was going to kill myself, I had some sort of "moment of clarity" and had myself committed (although they wrote "involuntary" on the paperwork)
I was diagnosed with depressive psychosis, but the "medicine" they gave me for it made it twice as bad, and I could barely get out of bed most days because it sapped every bit of motivation out of me while making me shake like a Parkinson's patient if I tried to sit still, something that still hasn't completely gone away. I tried to stop taking it but it resulted in a terrifying psychosis that was far worse than the original symptoms and ended up committed again, but I convinced them that it was the medication that had done it, and they tapered me off of it.
Then I find out schizophrenia (and mental illness in general) has a much higher rate of incidence among Native Americans than the general American population.
I've mostly accepted the fact that I've got some mental illness somewhere between OCD and schizophrenia, and that I will most likely be unable to tell the difference between fantasy and reality 20-30 years from now. Just look at a certain other poster here.
All that said, I still believe that there was a point in time that I was being watched, but I was involved in medium-level criminal activities at that point, it was probably just people making sure I was doing what I said I was going to do.
As of now, most of the weapons and such have been sold or confiscated, but I still have a lot of the survival gear, and feel like I could hold my own for quite a while if some sort of disaster or apocalypse were to happen.
I'm still very paranoid, and won't let anyone get close to me, but it's still much better than it used to be. I think I've hit the "ceiling of improvement" for my current situation and will have to change it to improve further.
I know I'm going to regret posting this, but there it is
TL;DR: I'm slowly losing my mind but at least I'm aware of it -
2018-09-10 at 10:50 AM UTC in Conflict Shitpile III - Diplomacy Defunct Edition
Originally posted by aldra I don't think they can or will, not blatantly anyway. Their future depends too much on co-operation with Russia, Iran and co - even Erdogan's smart enough to realise the New Ottoman Empire's no good if it collapses before it can gain any traction. Keeping terrorist elements on standby and protecting them from the Idlib op is extremely likely though.
And just now -
Nikki Haley rabbits on about how the Idlib op will be indiscriminate, schools, hospitals etc. will be targeted…
> US begins carpet bombing Deir Eizzor towns with white phosphorous
I can't fucking stand her. Every time she opens her mouth I just want to smack her and tell her to go back to the kosher deli and make sandwiches
She didn't seem too bad as SC governor. But she gets a job as an international diplomat and now she thinks she knows everything -
2018-09-10 at 10:32 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Sploo Needs Attention
Originally posted by Juicebox At one point in time my mother wanted a cheap computer for Journaling or some shit
I was at goodwill one day and saw that they had a few old ass iMacs, and wanted $10 a piece for them, so I bought one
She didn't like it, so I thought maybe it would be worth something because it was so old and you know how applefags can be
Found out they were selling for around $100, not really worth it to me so it just sat in the trunk of a car for a while
A couple years later, after I had been forced into homelessness due to low pay and shitty family, my bridgemates and I were sitting around a fire drunk and stoned as fuck, trying to figure something to do
So we started finding things to throw on the fire to pass the time. Old clothes, non working electronics, a box of 7.62x39 rounds, stuff like that
Eventually we ran out of shit, so we went to my car,which was parked in a parking lot a quarter mile away, and looked in there for shit to burn. We saw the iMac, and looked at each other. We knew this was gonna be fun.
When we first threw it on the fire it didn't seem to do anything. For like ten minutes it just sat there. A puff of smoke now and again, a small pop. Boring. So one of my bridgemates hit it a few times with the axe we used to chop logs,and threw a cup of kerosene on it
It began decomposing at a quicker rate now, popping louder and more often, the plastic parts began to melt and shrink, and eventually this thick, black smoke that caused nearly instant syncope if inhaled began to pour out.
Eventually it got to be too much and we had to leave that section of the bridge, electing to sit on the railroad tracks about 50 yards away instead. We were protected from the smoke by a ten foot wall.
By now the smoke was pouring out and small explosions occurred irregularly every couple of minutes. We were almost positive that a visit from the fire department was imminent. But we had a horrible realization: we forgot the fucking beer on the other side of the wall.
So I drew in a deep breath, ran back behind the wall, grabbed the 12 pack, and ran back out, with just enough breath to spare.
A couple beers later, the smoke was still pouring out and the explosions had become more frequent but less powerful, occurring every few seconds. We couldn't remember where our box of 500 9mm rounds were, and we became worried that they were the source of the constant pops.
So I drew another deep breath and ran back in, looked around, and found the box of ammo about 6 feet from the fire. The fire had spread to a larger area but was still not tall, and well away from our storage area or anything else flammable.
I grabbed the box, but ran out of breath on my way out, and accidentally got a lung full of the smoke, which nearly knocked me right out. I became instantly dizzy and couldn't stand up, so I set the box of ammo down on the other side of the wall, and crawled back to the railroad tracks. After a moment of recuperation I got the box of ammo and brought it to our spot on the tracks.
No matter how hard I tried, I could not stop laughing for a solid hour
Good times indeed -
2018-09-10 at 3 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Sploo Needs Attention
Originally posted by DietPiano Simulation makes sense to me only if the simulation occurs from computers outside the scope of our "universe".
Aliens dropping off simulations on Earth is fantasy.
Connected matter/beings but separate conciousness makes good sense to me. We ARE all connected.
for instance,
Each atom in your body experiences gravitational pull from EVERY other atom in the universe, no matter how far.
Isn't that exhilerating?!?!?
The theory I'm referring to doesn't really deal with the "connectedness" part directly, but everything would have to be "connected" for that theory to work.
Huh, I never really thought of it that way.
Originally posted by RisiR † I think retarded explains that really well.
It sounds less retarded when explained well, I promise. I think I've found a good way of explaining it, but I keep falling asleep trying to type it all out
I will get it typed out next time I'm on, it's an interesting idea IMO -
2018-09-10 at 1:58 AM UTC in petition to merge this forum with the political forumDENIED!
to the mongolvoid with you -
2018-09-10 at 1:46 AM UTC in I think I should start my own yt channelI've thought about starting one to show all the times I've almost been killed by inattentive drivers while on my motorcycle
I got a pretty nice camera but haven't been able to find a proper mounting solution. I need to replace that helmet anyway, maybe I'll bite the bullet and pay extra for one that has mounts built in
Now that I think about it though, it's actually been quite a while since I've had a close call. It used to happen at least twice a week
I have started riding much more aggressively to get out of traffic the last couple of months, maybe that's why -
2018-09-10 at 12:54 AM UTC in how much would it cost to buy a house?
Originally posted by totse3.com If you got a Job in San Francisco at a Walmart (Which I dont know if they have one yet or not) you would make 15 an hour now.
If you worked outside of San Francisco like in Oakland. They may pay you minimum wage of 11 but more than likely you could ask for 12-13 and get it.
so you would be making about 26k before taxes. which wouldn't be much in taxes since they dont tax you until after 24k (I believe that is the new tax rule)
the problem is this. anything below 50k in San Francisco bay area is poverty level. you're making half of poverty level yet too much to collect on welfare or other state aid which I believe is below 17k
it's a sticky icky when they raised minimum wage, they took away the ability to collect on foodstamps and shit.
Unless you are single and willing to live it out of a car and shower at the gym.
then you might be able to save money for some years and go back. but you have to beat the element of people smashing into your car which is a big thing out here. happens to almost everyone at some point. You come back to find your car's windows smashed in and all your shit gone or even your car is gone. then you wouldn't have a mobile home. now you're in Cali and kind of fucked!
And THAT is the fundamental problem with raising the minimum wage! Raise the cost of production, and businesses will either take their business elsewhere or will raise prices to compensate
And, those that spent years to get to a point where they're making above minimum wage, have now suddenly found themselves back at square one.
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2018-09-10 at 12:49 AM UTC in The Retarded Thread: Sploo Needs Attention
Originally posted by DietPiano Thinking more and more about the theory that everthing is math, that math is everything
BECOME malice
At this point I'm kinda torn between "reality is a simulation" and "we're all astral beings vibrating on different frequencies, and we can only see and understand that which is on our frequency"
I'm doing a terrible job of trying to explain the second one, and I'm making it sound retarded. Anybody know what I'm talking about? What do they call that? -
2018-09-09 at 11:28 PM UTC in Oh hey, there's DietPiano again, shittin' up the forumsI'm actually surprised I didn't totally shit up the forum this weekend
Bad decisions were made but at least I didn't go Full Scronaldo
