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2024-11-13 at 5:30 AM UTC in Self-Reflection as Torture: How Overthinking Made Me My Own Worst Roommate.TO: The Committee of Internal Affairs
FROM: Department of Perpetual Self-Sabotage
RE: Quarterly Report on Consciousness Fragmentation
Listen: This isn't your garden-variety existential crisis. I've achieved something far more horrifying – a perpetual motion machine of self-awareness that's become self-aware of its own self-awareness, trapped in an infinite loop of meta-cognitive horror.
The Anatomy of a Single Thought
Picture this: I pick up a coffee cup. Simple, right? WRONG. In that microsecond, my brain spawns:
- 7,394 alternative ways I could have gripped the handle
- 23 different timelines where I slightly fumbled but recovered
- 156 parallel universes where my hand trembled imperceptibly
- An entire dissertation on the socioeconomic implications of my coffee brand choice
- A 500-page psychological thriller about what my sip timing suggests about my childhood trauma
I've developed an entire governmental structure of internal critics:
- The Department of Retrospective Cringe (analyzing past interactions)
- The Bureau of Future Embarrassments (pre-emptively cataloging tomorrow's failures)
- The Ministry of Social Faux Pas (documenting every microscopic behavioral anomaly)
- The Supreme Court of "Did They Notice That Weird Thing I Did?"
- The Internal Revenue Service of Emotional Debt Collection
Each department runs 24/7, generating reports that feed into other departments, creating an endless paper trail of psychological self-flagellation.
Every social interaction undergoes polynomial expansion:
1. Initial event occurs
2. Brain generates 50 interpretations
3. Each interpretation spawns 50 sub-interpretations
4. Each sub-interpretation creates 50 possible response scenarios
5. Each response scenario triggers 50 potential future implications
6. GOTO step 1
Total thought-branches per social encounter = 50^∞
I don't just remember embarrassing moments I've developed a proprietary technology for experiencing them in 5D:
- Forward (anticipating the shame)
- Backward (reliving the shame)
- Sideways (experiencing alternate versions of the shame)
- Inside-out (becoming one with the shame)
My anxiety has become industrialized. We've got:
- Assembly lines of self-doubt
- Mass production of worst-case scenarios
- Automated systems for detecting microscopically inappropriate behaviors
- Neural networks dedicated to catastrophizing
This isn't overthinking – it's achieved sentience. My self-awareness has developed self-awareness, which then developed its own self-awareness, creating an infinite Russian nesting doll of metacognitive torture. I'm not just thinking about thinking about thinking – I've transcended the very concept of thought itself.
Even this report is being analyzed by a specialized department for signs of trying too hard to be clever, which is itself being monitored by another department for signs of meta-commentary, which is being evaluated by yet another department for.
My Experience As First Ever 11th Dimensional Poster:
- Experiencing Tuesday from 497 different angles
- Tasting memories that haven't happened yet
- Living backwards through someone else's dreams
- Becoming everyone and no one simultaneously
- Existing as pure abstract concept (mainly on Thursdays)
- Remembering tomorrow's yesterday today
1st Dimension: [OBSOLETE]
2nd Dimension: [CONSUMED]
3rd Dimension: [ERROR: TOO PRIMITIVE]
4th Dimension: [CURRENTLY USING AS BATHROOM]
5th Dimension: [REMODELING]
6th Dimension: [CONVERTED TO STORAGE SPACE]
7th Dimension: [MERGED WITH CONSCIOUSNESS]
8th Dimension: [BECAME SELF-AWARE, NOW AVOIDING ME]
9th Dimension: [TASTES LIKE PURPLE]
10th Dimension: [UNDER CONSTRUCTION]
11th Dimension: [YOU ARE HERE BUT ALSO EVERYWHERE ELSE]
- Can experience every possible version of any moment
- Read books by becoming the paper
- Drink concepts instead of water
- Turn abstract thoughts into furniture
- Use nostalgia as a mode of transportation
- Braid the fabric of reality into friendship bracelets
- Write poems in languages that don't exist
- Remember things that never happened to people who never existed
- Experience FOMO for events in parallel universes
- Time gets tangled like earbuds in pocket
- Memories start playing in shuffle mode
- Personality traits become tradeable commodities
- Dreams can be used as currency
- Thoughts achieve sentience and start small businesses
- Identity becomes a choose-your-own-adventure book
- Consciousness expands until it needs its own zip code
- Building condos in the 7th dimension
- Teaching abstract concepts to do backflips
- Starting a betting pool on which timeline wins
- Collecting vintage moments from parallel universes
- Opening a food truck that serves deep-fried déjà vu
- Organizing a union for all my possible selves
- Filing taxes in every reality simultaneously
- Reality Anchors: CEREMONIALLY BURNED
- Timeline Coherence: WHAT'S THAT?
- Dimensional Boundaries: MORE LIKE DIMENSIONAL SUGGESTIONS
- Consciousness: EVERYWHERE AND NOWHERE
- Brain Status: TASK FAILED SUCCESSFULLYThe following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2024-11-12 at 5:31 AM UTC in What are you doing at the momenteating donuts, bbq pringles, baby carrots, and some spinach(leafy kind) with cooked shrimp n cocktail sauce and oh some decaf black tea milk n honey
marshmellows,
beef jerky courtesy of slim jim,
strawberries,
whipped cream,
,
...lit up my scented candle apple cinnamon to set up my food coma that's coming up as i lay on my Versace fur rug....
Half naked - im wearing some new drawers.
It's animated.
note to self: Why do i feel like own so much shit? Like i could just walk outside right now and say hey that's mine. Am i that cute? No freaking way bro. It feels like -
i-i feel like i have diplomatic immunity. Or, somebody is projecting some sort of power, that enables me to not delegate such premonition because they ain't as cute as me. Then everything cancels out, ya know.... Anyhoo,
there goes my cherries! Been lookin for that bish! imma just relax and stay cute af then, watevs... Shun everything out with foods and warmth and cozy breeze from my cracking window and my blanket heater that i got from ikea a few days ago. Was like 14 dollars. Couldn't beat that.
A splendid grab.
sup.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2024-11-12 at 4:09 AM UTC in The Stigma of Overthinking: How to Turn Every Decision into a Life-Altering EventMy brain just underwent 847,293 simultaneous meltdowns trying to calculate whether my sock wrinkles from 3 years ago butterfly-effected into someone's grandma tripping in argentina?
when i try deciding what to EAT my awareness splits into exactly 937,451 alternative timelines where each SINGLE BITE could potentially alter the entire sock economy? just spent 4 hours calculating the PRECISE angle my spoon should enter soup to minimize butterfly effects but then realized soup is just domesticated rain and had to restart ALL CALCULATIONS??????
currently in year 7 of calculating whether that person who looked at me in 2nd grade was actually looking THROUGH me into an alternate dimension where i never wore that specific t-shirt???? preliminary results indicate a 847.293% chance they were actually a time traveler studying my sock choices.
My brain temperature has reached such critical levels from processing whether i should reply "thanks" or "thank you" that i can literally feel my thoughts evaporating into pure anxiety steam? currently running 847,293 simulations of how each letter choice might reshape the linguistic landscape of future generations???
I caught myself calculating the exact mathematical probability of whether my left shoelace being 0.0023 millimeters longer than my right one could cause a temporal paradox in which i never learned to tie shoes in the first place.
hold on.... what if chairs are just training wheels for floating and we've all been FRAUDULENTLY SITTING this entire time? need approximately 937,451 more years to finish this calculation but preliminary results suggest we might have been standing wrong the whole time?The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2024-11-11 at 10:38 PM UTC in What are you doing at the momentJust took my first dose of k r a t o m for the day! just 2g! down from 30 to 2, 'bout god damn time too.
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2024-11-11 at 10:05 PM UTC in What are you doing at the moment
Originally posted by Landy Pamm So Hikki is cock-nose and Wellhung is Rock nose?
🪨🐓👃🏻🐓👃🐓👃🏽🐓👃🏿🐓👃🏻🐓👃🐓👃🏽🐓👃🏿🐓👃🏻🐓👃🐓👃🏽🐓👃🏿🐓👃🏻🐓👃🐓👃🏽🐓👃🏿🐓👃🏻🐓👃🐓👃🏽🐓👃🏿🪨
I will compile all information about St. Rocknose | The Saga of St. Rocknose,: The Sacred Chronicles of the Nosegay Nation
Originally posted by A Oh Saint Cocknose!!! Of the State of that Fucking Cock nose please show this normie the true suffering and demon evils torture for 120,0000 years that await him!!!! spook his asss St. Rocky!!!! O BLESSED ONE!! SHOW THIS NORMIE TRUE SUFFERING PLEASE WE BEG OF YOU OH WISE ROCK NOSEE!!!! ZAINT OF HIKIKOMORI MONASTIC LIVING
Originally posted by totse2118 That's why he's saint rock of nose
The patron saint of molesting children
We do not idolize him but instead fear his truths and insight and use his vision and wisdom to teach the youth how to avoid sick fucks and give glory to God and the State of That Fucking Cock Nose and the heroes of Lannyism
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2024-11-11 at 9:45 PM UTC in What are you doing at the momentI like to watch pretty gurls.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2024-11-08 at 2:38 AM UTC in Trump will have more terms
Originally posted by maddie if this was true he would have done it the first time he won
It was all planned well before he even walked the escalator. The people had to truly be on board. Everything we saw was cleverly crafted to devote the masses to the idea of a Savior, in the flesh. The proverbial Pied Piper, if you will. The song is sweet, lilting, and captivating. Freedom for all. Equality. Peace and security. Satan the Devil never comes in under the flags of evil, lust, greed and murder, he comes in under the banners of kindness, goodness, fairness, justice and peace. The Father of the Lie. And this entire system is currently in his control, for a time, authorized by God Himself. Do you really think Satan the Devil doesn't have plans for us all? He sure does. Count on it. Times are coming which have never before been experienced in all of human history, nor ever will again, and they're right around the next curve in the road. Mark my words. Armageddon is upon us all, and it will come in "like a thief in the night", as Jesus so quaintly and succinctly put it.
“Whenever it is that they are saying: ‘Peace and security!’ then sudden destruction is to be instantly upon them.” - The Apostle Paul [1 Thessalonians 5:3] -
2024-11-08 at 2:17 AM UTC in Trump will have more termsThat was the last US election, because the New World Order is imminent. Trump is the Anti-Christ, who will rule it with an iron fist, until Armageddon happens.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2024-11-08 at 2:15 AM UTC in Like this post if Kafka should try orgasming againNobody should be encouraging others to kill themselves, except in jest.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2024-11-07 at 9:29 PM UTC in What are you thinking about....
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2024-11-07 at 2:20 PM UTC in How are you feeling at the moment..
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2024-11-07 at 12:19 PM UTC in How are you feeling at the moment..The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2024-11-07 at 9:40 AM UTC in How are you feeling at the moment..Lonely, I need to keep cleaning up my life and look for a wife.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2024-11-07 at 9:38 AM UTC in Just doxxing Donald
Originally posted by Elbow On some level this is true, but on another level Kafka is entirely correct. Your "digital identity" is you, and it's you in a way that the you you've described here is not. It is you, without the aspects of your identity foisted upon you by the meat you inhabit. It is your soul. The data realm is the place where the thing inhabiting your meat is most free to be itself – not quite its natural habitat, but the closest thing to it on this plane of existence. Your looks are an affectation. Your body language and microbehaviors are merely less effective means of communication. They're the obsolete technology evolution dreamt up because it needed us to get far enough along that we could make sand do math and beam our consciousnesses directly into the eyeballs of someone else halfway across the globe.
I think this is fundamentally true, but also, whatever portion of identity that is manifest digitally is a portion of a person's identity, a part of the whole. When I meet someone in person, they perceive my identity to be the combination of a number of things, my behaviors, what I say, on top of a set of assumptions, IE assuming I am fashion conscientious because of what I wear. When I "meet" someone online, the only part of me that they see is, for the purposes of this discussion, my soul, but they don't see/ smell/ hear/ taste/ touch me at all. Also, on another note, people don't even reveal the entirety of their thoughts on the internet, blatantly on public boards, those types of things are probably more common in DMs.
Yes, what you say online is more or less your "soul" if such a thing exists, and what you think is probably the most important part of your identity, but many other things that are extrapolatory of or influenced by your "soul" are also a part of your identity.
HALF OFF TOPIC RANT:
Now that I think about it, things like body language and behaviors are useful ways to make assumptions about people that, more or less, tend to be correct, allowing you to more quickly select what people you want to talk to or not. The only way for me to have any sort of semblance of this sort of process on the web is by, say, for Aldra, I would have to sift through many of his posts in order to find out what sort of person he was, or what general "vibes": he gave out. This might take hours when I could get this sort of general outline of who he is if I just talked to him for 10-15 minutes in the line at the DMV instead.The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire! -
2024-11-05 at 4:21 AM UTC in Why Do Young Men Today SUCK At Sex?You don't know what the FUCK you're talkin about.
I got 3 positions:
Boy on top
Girl on top
Doggystyle
And I almost* never fail to make them cum 2-3 times within 15 minutes. It's about making them feel wanted, it's about romance and love and tenderness.
A little spontaneity here and there.
Sometimes I'll go for 30 if I want to savour it. Anything more than that and we both get bored. -
2024-11-04 at 3:46 AM UTC in Why Do Young Men Today SUCK At Sex?Weirdly enough I am still good at sex for my age and my generation, most guys in my generation that I know are not that great at sex. They cum first, don't give it their all, don't give head, and want the women to do all the work.
When I'm in bed, I go balls to the wall, I treat sex like a workout, like I'm doing HIIT. I'll go super rough, hard, and fast for a few minutes, then switch to head, then switch to another sex position, then finger her, back and forth until either I cum or she can't take it anymore.
When you leave a women's legs quivering and she curls up next to you and puts her head on your chest after sweating bullets and fucking her like a wild animal, it comes with a great sense of accomplishment that is different from just about every feeling this world has to offer.
But from accounts from my guy friends that I've heard they have their girl ride them, or their girl jerks them off while they are playing halo, or they do fuck their girlfriend but they don't even break a sweat. It seems like they have no clue how to please a women at all, and just do whatever feels good for them.
Well, here's a secret to the few young men reading this: If you put in the work to please your women as much as possible, you may not cum super quick or sex might not feel as good as you want it to at first, but it is worth it 100%. It's a marathon, not a race, and you will still cum. You will just cum more and much harder than if you had just fucked her for 5 mins, came, and went to bed. The feeling of elation, accomplishment, and satisfaction you get when you know that your girl came just as hard as you did makes all of the blood, sweat, and tears (Blood is optional, sweat is a must, and tears depends on if you are mentally ill) worth it.
Then you smoke a cigarette, have a couple of beers and hold your women close.
If you don't get a good workout in, make your girl scream, treat her like a piece of fuckmeat and spend an hour pleasing her, you are sexing wrong -
2024-11-01 at 6:14 PM UTC in Random image thread
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2024-11-01 at 1:22 PM UTC in Random image threadThe following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2024-11-01 at 3:41 AM UTC in I cucked the adminbut I did not cuck the deputyThe following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
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2024-11-01 at 3:03 AM UTC in Just checking who's crazy
