Originally posted by -SpectraL
1. Yes, it IS a mystery concoction. 2. Yes, I know how a toxic concoction that kills and permanently maims thousands every year "works".
Dude..... what ARE you even talking about. Thats not how this works. You never google anything and considering that you live on the internet, permanently ass-adhered to an office chair, i dont know how a cursory search of verified sources is such a himalayan effort for you.
vape is just a cleaner high. Smoking joints used to give me awful crushing feeling in my chest which kicked off my anxiety. Prolly just lung cancer tho nbd.
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Originally posted by Hikikomori-Fujoshi
Once they open things up millions are going to get infected. There will then be another lockdown that could last a decade.
Youll be king of the quarantine. Youve been training ur whole life for this moment.
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Yeah i actually started going to meetings in 2011. I sat in the back in the dark where no one could see me. I got high before i went bc being in there felt like being a whore in church, fucked up my anxiety bad. I never spoke, obviously- bc they even if i had the guts to, they request you not share if youve used in the last 24 hours. I just felt like i couldnt get on their level so i shouldnt go. I wanted to be clean but not sober, and i wanted to get something by osmosis, but i didnt have any framework for my life, or hope enough thatthimgs could be better.
I still may go back but idk. Id be doing my own program. Doesnt necessarily mean doing substances, but itd mean de emphasizing higher power shit and complete abstinence, and more in fostering relationships, introspection,balance, being present in the moment.
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what did you say beneath me lil bitch?You know im graduating with honors in my Navy Seal class. Ive been involved in many attacks against Al Quaeda, n i have 300 confirmed cocks. Im trained in guerilla warfare and i am the best _______ in all the US armed forces. Youre nothing to me, just another white (boy)? Im going to erase you with precision never before seen on this planet, mark my fucking words. You think you can go and talk this shit to me on the internet? Think again, fucker. While we speak im speaking with my _____ contacts in the US and your IP is being traced at this very moment, you should get ready for pain/torture _____ (some sort of epithet i imagine). The torture thatd going to end the pathetic thing you call a life. Youre dead, kid. I can be where i want, when i want, wnd i can kill you in more than 75 ways, n this is only wih my bear hands. Im not ony!trained extensivelyin unarmed combat, but i have access to the whole Marine arsenal in the US and will (am going to?) use it to erase you from the face of the continent lil shit. If you had _____ you wouldve shut your fucking mouth. But you couldnt do it, and now you pay the price, fuckin idiot. Theres gonna be a hard/violent ____ (something feminine) on you, and youre gonna _____ in her. Youre dead, punk.
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So my sponsor called tonight. I told him a lot of things but the gist of it was i said i feel like shit and im thinking about ctb constantly and whether life is worth living if i feel like this all the time and my back is fucking breaking and im never comfortable and i dont want to talk and i dont want to do fucking Zoom meetings and im tired of being a downer so i just want tobe left alone for a while. I said I hate every decision ive made and I resent the program for making me feel so shitty and conflicted about taking neurontin and smoking weed for excruciating pain. I said it feels like church again when every answer is just “pray about it”, “practice gratitude”, etc. Its like my mom and this fucking cat: theres a very simple thing that can make somehign hard easier. The cost of doing this thing is nil. But nah...we’re just gonna close our eyes as tight as possible and just SUFFER and HAVE FAITH that things will get better. Thats dog shit and I fucking resent it. If I smoke weed 2 or 3 times a week b. im on the verge of crying i shouldnt have to feel like some polish pedophile who tried to jack off on a child at Sea World about it.
He said “Im always here if you ever want to talk- day or night- but this is where im going to have to suggest you get a sponsor locally.” Which i said yeah to, but im not gonna do that either. Im too angry right now. I just want to rip everyones head off. I want to put my head through a fucking wall. I dont want to talk about my shitty life or what half baked runner up prize “plan” God had for me and my life. The facts are: I made bad choices bc i was cowardly and afraid. Im now reaping the consequences of those choices. Many of those consequences are going to last until the day I die. Thats depressing. Will something good come out of this? Yeah maybe. Anything is possible when the universe is chaos. But i just do not give a fuck anymore. I do not have the will, the energy, the wherewithal -whatever- for lip service and platitudes and kicking the fucking can down the road with more God talk. I just dont. if i think i can “get away” with doing something that helps, and not spiral myself back into major addiction, im just going to do it and im tired feeling guilty about it.
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The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
The following users say it would be alright if the author of this post didn't die in a fire!
