Not sure what will work best for you Casper, but I’ve known plenty of people that a 12 step did not work for them. They utilized other services and quit for good. Not sure what Cali has, but I’m pretty sure there are programs that focus on mind, body, and soul; which sounds like what you’re doing on your own. These programs sound like a good fit for you, but only you know what works for you.
Keep going my friend, you’ll find what fits for you, but I’d educate myself on all avenues, then see where you fit.
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Originally posted by Narc
yeah sure, i done it myself with smack. just depends on you really.
.
I'm definitely going to focus on self improvement for a bit though. I can live without alcohol and just fuck/ masturbate, find some hobbies and practice neurogenesis from the absolute YEARS of fucking abuse my brain has endured on account of my retarded, selfish desires.
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All honesty I want to live a life were I can get just as much enjoyment/ socialising from not drinking than when I did.
If Russell Brand can, anyone can and that faggot was slamming smack back in the day.
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Originally posted by CASPER
I'm thinking NA might not be my thing, but I'm going to try to hang in there- bc I know a ton about addiction but not so much about sobriety. But my sponsor seems to be doing well and it's worked super well for him. And I u derstand that a huge part of the hole you fill with drugs is like….a spiritual lacking. But 1) I'm an atheist and the idea of "surrendering to God" is fucking weird. I understand that it's supposed to mean something else, but I just don't believe that throwing my hands up and allowing the Universe or whatever to just "mold" me into a better person is going to work. That's what I did with heroin. "Whatever happens happens, and I'm powerless to do anything about that". That's exactly why I wasted 13 years. Passivity. I need to learn not to hand over control, but to fight intelligently. That Bruce lee shit…channel that energy. Exist in the flow. Adapt.
Maybe I don't understand. And I'm reluctant to mention this to my sponsor bc he already thinks the things I'm writing are trying to sound impressive and Intellectual (I'm absolutely not that's just how the writing comes from my head), and I also don't want to seem combative. And bc I'm on methadone which I don't consider sober, but I do consider it a necessary step at least for me- to legit sobriety.
And anyone who's been in tinybltc knows drinking isn't my thing- like at all. I can count the number of times I've been seriously drunk in there on two hands. And I only drink like twice or 3 times a year. For me, drinking especially with new acquaintance she is kind of a bonding ritual. The same when we all go to my friends grave every July 24th and take a shot of Irish whiskey. I get that it's a minor thing and they'd probably understand, and it's not like I'd feel pressured…but just those little quiet moments and rituals…I'd still like to be able to take part in that without being like "I REALLY SHOULDNT BE HERE GUYS RESPECT MY SOBRIETY IM KINDA TRIGGER RITE NOW TBH". Apparently as long as I plan on ever drinking again, I can't go past step 3 bc I haven't "surrendered fully".
Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! I just want to be fucking normal. I don't want to be one of these mopey faggots. Feels like a cult sometimes. I just want something good to pour myself into that I can feel complete and proud, and I want to wake up in ten years and have to be reminded I was a junkie. I want to take my prescribed medication and improve my health and smoke weed every couple of weeks when my back pain or depression get really bad….without feeling super guilty about it, or like I've got this deep shameful secret like there's a dead hooker under my floorboards.
I hate all this shit.
And then I told him about the weird customer guy at my word who keeps writing these awful "pilots" for different shows he's created. There's one about an "android/ genetic modification babby" . There's one about global warming. There's one about an Alien jedi comedian. There's one about a robot who runs for president. A game show where the contestants try to beat addiction . And just generally it's awful. So I mention I had to run myself off an extra copy to read at home bc it was so hilarious. And he starts "Well did he give you permission to do that?" And in my head I'm just like "fuuuuuuck me". I'm kind of a dick. That's my thing. I'm just as critical of myself as I am of everyone else. I get that this dudes wife died and now he spends his time shitting out awful screenplays. But it's still hilarious. And I don't see anything wrong with having a chuckle, as long as he doesn't get hurt as a result.
Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm just a dick. But I don't ever want to have a stick that far up my ass unless it's a condition of me cumming in someone's throat afterwards.
Idk.ugh.
I know how you must feel and it gives me inspiration as I start sobriety fully.
I think the biggest part is filling that void. I'm a sociable person so being able to be around people who are drinking and not drink myself would be fucking HARD. I'm filling my void with fitness, reading and doing normal shit like outings to museums, restaurants etc. I shouldn't complain cause NO MORE HANGOVERS/ANXIETY/DEPRESSION/HOLE IN POCKET.
I can also drive wherever the fuck I want, when I want. I'm looking into going swinger clubs as well for the sheer lulz factor.
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Originally posted by OG_GREENPLASTIC_JOHNSON_III
tell tom i said whats up
*tim
He left. He kept touching my knee because i was flirting with him because I'm flirty. I like gay people they're really fun to hang out with.
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I went to my first auction ever today. I didnt get the boat I wanted but I DID get a purple chair for ten dollars. I didnt really care about it but I HAD to get something so I just went for it. I even got to do a little mini bidding war with someone as the bid started at 5, so I said 6 and the other guy said 7 and so on and so forth. I WIN. :)
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2019-05-28 at 12 PM UTC
in
I think Juicebox is gone.
aldra
JIDF Controlled Opposition
Originally posted by Ghost
what if he's in a comma
if they turn his bed around to face the other way they can upgrade his condition to apostraphe
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Sudo
Black Hole
[my hereto riemannian peach]
I made a 20 year old cum a few hours ago
she sounded like john goodman taking a shit
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The Electric Company 💡
I own this whole board nigga! ❤️😋
🍃🔥💨
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Originally posted by CASPER
Just got back from NA meeting. I shared even though i get anxious. Talked about how i feel like im good bc i dont want to get high, but all the same behaviors- like selling shit to make money- are still there. Ive been all depressed and out of it all week and i dont know why. I just feel like dogshit. The persona i had to crerate to exist on the street is just nothing like me, but i still have to shred all the distrust, aggression, anxiety that came with being that person. Spent a couple hours talking with my sponsor beforehand, doing the stepwork shit. Now im home and im debating whether to get postmates or not bc i feel like some real food but the only thing in the fridge is white rice and lentils and tabasco, and i dont really feel like eating the same thing 3 days in a row.
Eat out, enjoy yourself Casper.
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2019-05-25 at 8:18 PM UTC
in
Battlestation thread
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Here's one with my nose I hate
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When the Jéw in you wants to hatch a scheme and the faggot in you wants to be a victim, but the nigger in you has to execute it competently.
https://www.chicagotribune.com/news/breaking/ct-met-jussie-smollett-sealed-court-records-20190523-story.html
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When I was a kid I always thought growing up and working in a Blockbuster would be the best.
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2019-05-24 at 2:41 AM UTC
in
CHZBRGZ PHONE NUMBER
How degenerate is Austin that there are multiple posters here from the same city that all know each other and instead of doing this on Facebook they come here
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Sudo,
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CASPER,
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Jiggaboo_Johnson,
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kroz,
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Common De-mominator,
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aldra,
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Grimace,
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The Self Taught Man,
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Rear Naked Joke,
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Zanick,
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frumbob 🐎🦄🐈🐯🐷🦊
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