2018-11-15 at 11:36 PM UTC
in
taunting the fire department
Originally posted by Misguided Russian
I got my dick sucked once thanks to a fire alarm at 2am.
I was just laying to sleep when it went off. I was so out of it, I didn't know wtf was going on. I swept the place with a rifle and ear pro til I got to the living room, when I realized that it was the general building fire alarm going off.
So I quickly get dressed and go outside to greet the crowd of tards lining up outside the building like the good king that I am. As soon as I make it down the few steps to street level, some younger drunk bitch walks up talking about all that swag that I have with the adidas and all.
Then we go to my place, i throat fuck her, and sleep. In the morning she goes to the bathroom, then leaves. I later find 15 bucks in said bathroom. Free breakfast my niggas.
Does Penthouse know about this?
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2018-11-15 at 9:55 PM UTC
in
Eating ass
If you wanna fuck a girl in the ass but she isn't interested in anal start by playing with her asshole with your finger while you fuck her, after a bit of that ask if you can eat her ass (some girls are not into this they will say "NO EWWW PERVERT!" but if she a good girl she will cave with enough pressure.
Then you can start putting fingers in there and eventually she will straight up beg you to stick your dick in there. Works every time
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2018-11-15 at 9:49 PM UTC
in
Eating ass
My tongue's my money.
Lemme invest in
your small intestine.
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2018-11-15 at 8:21 PM UTC
in
taunting the fire department
I got my dick sucked once thanks to a fire alarm at 2am.
I was just laying to sleep when it went off. I was so out of it, I didn't know wtf was going on. I swept the place with a rifle and ear pro til I got to the living room, when I realized that it was the general building fire alarm going off.
So I quickly get dressed and go outside to greet the crowd of tards lining up outside the building like the good king that I am. As soon as I make it down the few steps to street level, some younger drunk bitch walks up talking about all that swag that I have with the adidas and all.
Then we go to my place, i throat fuck her, and sleep. In the morning she goes to the bathroom, then leaves. I later find 15 bucks in said bathroom. Free breakfast my niggas.
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2018-11-15 at 6:55 PM UTC
in
taunting the fire department
I wonder how many times a fire department building has burned down.
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2018-11-15 at 4:40 PM UTC
in
taunting the fire department
This is America (assuming you're in America)...you can stay in your home regardless (cite: mandatory evacuations which many people ignore).
Unless you're David Koresh of course...
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2018-11-15 at 2:29 PM UTC
in
taunting the fire department
You should activate the sprinkler system just for giggles.
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2018-11-15 at 2:22 PM UTC
in
taunting the fire department
the fire department has been doing a bunch of shit in my building lately inspecting shit and sometimes i get paranoid that they're actually DEA agents coming to steal my 1/2 oz of weed so just to make sure i hit my bong multiple times with them in the hallway so they can smell it
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2018-11-15 at 5:21 AM UTC
in
Eating ass
Narc
Naturally Camouflaged
[connect my yokel-like scolytidae]
I've done it to chicks but would be too weird to have a chick do me tho.
.
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2018-11-14 at 11:27 PM UTC
in
Fight to the death techniques
gadzooks
Dark Matter
[keratinize my mild-tasting blossoming]
I'd use my social skills and charisma to befriend them and, then, 80 years later, when we're old friends in a retirement home, I'd switch his meds with poison or some shit.
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2018-11-14 at 11:17 PM UTC
in
Fight to the death techniques
Dregs
African Astronaut
[that freakishly double-edged allmouth]
this may seriously incriminate me so i refuse to answer...
all i will say is i am completely justified...in the end.
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2018-11-14 at 11:15 PM UTC
in
Fight to the death techniques
So you'd instantly lose. K
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2018-11-10 at 5:14 AM UTC
in
Friday Night
Chilling at home, playing RDR2, drinking bourbon (to stay in character), shitposting with my favorite band of degenerate cunts. No major responsibilities I need to attend to. No creeping existential dread. You know, sometimes things are pretty good.
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2018-11-10 at 1:28 AM UTC
in
Caffeine
Caffeine will someday be recognized as a very harmful drug and will most likely be banned and made mostly obscure ... but only if we get rid of the jedis first
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Did I just think up a new torture meathod?
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2018-11-09 at 10:49 PM UTC
in
Have You Ever
GGG
victim of incest
[my veinlike two-fold aepyornidae]
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GGG
victim of incest
[my veinlike two-fold aepyornidae]
Originally posted by ohfralala
No I just laugh and then have to search for them weeks later for an hour when I see something of relevance.
I save them, so I've got this massive folder of top of the line hilarious images. I can't show people all at once or they get burnt out. If I spread them out I can harvest more laughs.
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2018-11-07 at 9:01 PM UTC
in
My crew goes hard as fuck
Sudo
Black Hole
[my hereto riemannian peach]
my crew rides sk8b0@rdz and when the security guard comes out to tell us not to sk8 WE MAKE SNIDE COMMENTS THEN CONTINUE SK8ING 4 A MINUTE before we stop sk8 away and go get some sunny d at Kyles house
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2018-11-07 at 7:11 PM UTC
in
My crew goes hard as fuck
Y'all niggas probably never smoked regs off a beer can. Bitches.
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2018-11-06 at 5:46 PM UTC
in
GOD TIER condiment uses
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