I've decided my dealer is good enough for me but I haven't hit on him yet because I'm demisexual and need to have a bond with the person first, which I don't have yet with him.
He said Sophie was a scumbag, so him being supportive of me is attractive.
I have my sights on my dealer next. I don't have a bond with him but it may not matter if I'm on mdma and don't dislike anything about him. He hasn't disrespected me or shown any red flags.
Two or three? I'm demisexual. I didn't want to have sex with my ex gf because she disrespected me. I won't have sex with anyone who disrespects me. The first guy was a 33yr old heroin addict. I liked him but I didn't want to get to know him in case it turned out I wouldn't like him, I just wanted to get the act over with someone I initially liked enough. Second was Cam, he was my fwb for two years. Third was Mik but that was online play so am not sure if it counts, but it was great.
I like the name Lilith but it would make me the target of horrible men.
Just my sister's boyfriend saying she was worried about him being sexually attracted to me, that he believes the earth is flat and the moon landing didn't happen, my 4am drunk walk home where I didn't get back to 6am, waking up mysterious bruises, going to the funfair with family, then my email was hacked and that could mean a thousands things. This is enough to overwhelm me for a month.
Today was surreal, I feel like I've had enough excitement for a month now.
Thinking about legally changing my name again, idk which one I want.
I banged my head today and am starting to feel it now. I can't stand this heat. I'm amazed at how I'm functioning despite everything being horror movie stressful atm. My risk analysis/imagining potential outcomes is more active than usual so I won't rest tonight. I wish I was somewhere cold.
Maybe it's related to my performing better under pressure, and that applies to this too.
I think this is the first time I've been hacked and now I'm wondering if my reaction to it is normal, that my main concern is not knowing who's behind it but other than that I feel like I've put it in a drawer in my mind and closed it.
I'll go to the place to see if anyone has funny behaviour toward me.
I suspect it's either someone from here or someone from the place I just got membership to irl. I'll cancel my membership. I haven't shown up to the place yet and will never let them know me now.
It's so warm I can't. I would go swim in the sea if I had the energy.
